The one with the viking cowboy. Are these comments on my appearance terrible or not?

[Onceuponamama]

Short story. Two weeks ago my hair apparently looked "like a viking" wearing a claw clip then this evening "your're not going to like me telling you this but you look like a cowboy".

Two weeks ago I had my hair up in a claw clip whilst cleaning, dh walks into the room and comments "your hair looks like a viking like that". Inside I was like wtf but didn't let on how hurt I felt and just brushed it off.

Fast forward to this evening and I'm trying to find an outfit for tomorrow, we're supposed to be going on a early date for Valentine's day. Nothing fancy just lunch but still wanted to make abit of effort, so I tried on some bootcut jeans, a black cashmere jumper, black low heel boots (not western style) and an oversized cropped tapestry and borg fleece jacket.(no stirrups, hats or chewing on straw in sight) I showed him my outfit and asked if my jeans look ok as I felt abit self conscious wearing tighter style jeans as I normally wear wide leg nowadays. (33 yo mum size 12). Initially he said "yeh you look nice" then said "I don't think your going to like my answer but you look like a cowboy".

That was the second strike for me and I just told him straight that these are horrible ways to describe my appearance and no woman would want to be compared to a viking or a cowboy! He thinks these are perfectly reasonable ways to describe me?!

We barely get to have time to go out just us together these days and I was really looking forward to it but now I just don't want to go at all.

I'm up late venting and contemplating if DH is just clumsy with his words or is there more going on here and he's trying to knock my confidence on purpose? I've finished crying now so just give it to me straight if you think I'm being unreasonable in all of this or not. (I really hope I'm not)

😂My DHs glasses make him look like Ronnie Kray. I don't mind it though 😆

I bought an old huge long fur coat on eBay, for when I taught abroad in a country that went to minus 30 in winter. It was great for the snow and warm.
The locals could not work out what animal it was from, and one boy took to making Chewbacca noises every time I walked past him in the snowy playground!

My husband has given me some… interesting compliments as well. He did actually recently called me a cowgirl but he clearly meant it as a compliment (and I saw where he was coming from and appreciated the compliment 😀).

My DH didn’t mean to criticise me and meant it as a complement. But I’m unfortunately not so sure about OP‘s DH…

I don't think your going to like my answer but … so if he knew that she wouldn’t like his answer and therefore clearly did not mean it as a compliment.

Jesus Christ. It's absolutely not the same at all. Saying someone looks like a cowboy because a top they're wearing is slightly Western style is "nasty"?!

We have all sorts of names for each other based on items of clothing we own. They make us laugh and most of the time they're spot on.

I call DH Ronnie Kray when he wears his glasses, he says I look like a painter / decorator in my dungarees, DSD gets called Vicky Pollard when she wears her hair in a high ponytail with a tracksuit.... They're just lighthearted jokes.

Must be a barrel of laughs in your household.

DH usually makes some comment about lesbianism ... and he's not usually a complete dick. As a garment it seems to bring out his best foot in mouth disease.

He wear a lot of lycra for sport though so he gets it back in spades from the whole family.

There's a world of difference between joking between you when both find it funny/ gentle piss taking and remarks which are prefaced with 'I know you won't like this...' Smells like negging to me, chipping away into your boundaries and self esteem. Only OP will know the motives behind it.

You're just reminded me... I once wore a shorts and vest combo and DH said I looked like a Russian shot putter 😂He wasn't wrong to be fair. I'd gone for shorts that weren't flattering on my legs at all and never wore them again.

The viking comment makes me think of Lagertha - which would be a compliment to me. Cowboy not so much.

You are being sensitive. When I wear boots and jeans, I have been asked where is the horse. 😳

Awww OP, I’m glad you have come round to see the funny side and hope you enjoy your date!!!

I have to say I feel a bit sorry for blokes when the are asked their opinion, then when they clumsily give it, they are punished… so I’m glad you have lightened up! I’m sure you will look gorgeous on your date, whatever you decide to wear!

I'm in a relationship where we take the piss endlessly, but he always pays me compliments. Is your DH trying to be funny?

Methinks you need to loosen up a tad

It doesn’t matter how anyone else takes it. You were there and it upset you. You know his normal.
there must be something in his tone that’s unnerved you, and who cares if you looked like a cowboy, you still looked nice, and why did he need to add that. I think it’s off and worth thinking what else could be behind this need for an extra comment. You weren’t going to wear the top every day so even if he didn’t love it did you need to know? Especially as he said you won’t like my answer. It was unnecessary.

I don't think they do/ ever did!

Omg, thats hideous!! 😂

He was doing all cowboys/girls a disservice, make him take it back!!

Stop. My DH has one of these too! I can't unsee it now 🤣

Stop. My DH has one of these too! I can't unsee it now 🤣

I work for Virgin Atlantic as cabin crew. An old man once said to me "you look like a hooker in that (meaning uniform) with red lipstick" i said (put on a fake Sharon Osbourne style voice) "a hooker? Wearing Vivien Westwood? I don't think so my darling" he just looked at me with this vacant expression because I wasn't offended or gave him the reaction he expected.
Some men have zero clue on what they're saying but some do and just don't care.
My biggest tip for if they're the latter is never let them know it bothers you as they do it more.

Many men just don't understand fashion or style. DP was flabbergasted when I told him skinny jeans had not been fashionable for some time. Once he called my hair 'mousey' and didn't understand why I was insulted (I have dark blonde hair).
"But mousey is cute. Like a soft little mouse" he said.

I thought I'd got smartly dressed for work once, black skirt and shirt with a tie neck (they were in then) and my DSS said I looked like I worked in a Building Society. I don't - but I know what he meant.

I had to tell DH that 'I'm not sure it does you justice' was a nicer way of saying 'that looks shit'....He's finally got it after only about 20 years.

I would often say to my late husband Are you wearing that for a bet? or Did Stevie Wonder choose that? and he might say something about what I was wearing, not nasty just jokey, but we weren't hyper-sensitive, looking to be offended, just old!

Last summer I met two friends at a local garden centre, fab day, blue sky and very sunny and pretty hot and I wore my new pale pistachio cropped trousers with a white top with pale pink stripes.

One of my friends remarked I looked like a bowl of ice cream.

I really liked that. 😊

I had a beautiful tan suede skirt which I used to wear with a dark brown jumper, a look my husband described as “mixed nuts” or less charmingly “Bristol stool chart”.

That's why I came on here to vent really, it is out of character for him to describe me like this,(we've been together for 15 years).

If 'viking' and 'cowboy' are the only words your husband says that upsets you, you have it mellow 😅