The one with the viking cowboy. Are these comments on my appearance terrible or not?

[Onceuponamama]

Short story. Two weeks ago my hair apparently looked "like a viking" wearing a claw clip then this evening "your're not going to like me telling you this but you look like a cowboy".

Two weeks ago I had my hair up in a claw clip whilst cleaning, dh walks into the room and comments "your hair looks like a viking like that". Inside I was like wtf but didn't let on how hurt I felt and just brushed it off.

Fast forward to this evening and I'm trying to find an outfit for tomorrow, we're supposed to be going on a early date for Valentine's day. Nothing fancy just lunch but still wanted to make abit of effort, so I tried on some bootcut jeans, a black cashmere jumper, black low heel boots (not western style) and an oversized cropped tapestry and borg fleece jacket.(no stirrups, hats or chewing on straw in sight) I showed him my outfit and asked if my jeans look ok as I felt abit self conscious wearing tighter style jeans as I normally wear wide leg nowadays. (33 yo mum size 12). Initially he said "yeh you look nice" then said "I don't think your going to like my answer but you look like a cowboy".

That was the second strike for me and I just told him straight that these are horrible ways to describe my appearance and no woman would want to be compared to a viking or a cowboy! He thinks these are perfectly reasonable ways to describe me?!

We barely get to have time to go out just us together these days and I was really looking forward to it but now I just don't want to go at all.

I'm up late venting and contemplating if DH is just clumsy with his words or is there more going on here and he's trying to knock my confidence on purpose? I've finished crying now so just give it to me straight if you think I'm being unreasonable in all of this or not. (I really hope I'm not)

Fuck me, the amount of excuses being made for this guy because he's male - would it be the same if the MIL or sister had said it, I wonder?

It doesn't matter what the outfit looked like, it doesn't matter what gender anyone is - although he does not get a pass for 'typical male behaviour', I'm sure he can manage better when so many men don't behave this way.

The issue here is that OP was upset by his comments, and firstly, felt she couldn't communicate that to him. Then, when she did communicate it to him, he doesn't seem bothered. He literally said, "You won't like my answer here, but..." So either he doesn't give a shit about OP's feelings, OP is incredibly sensitive about her appearance (which still doesn't bode well in a long-term relationship where she should feel secure in it), or both.

I'd bet good money OP has asked this small issue, knowing there are much larger issues. But now all the avoidants of Mumsnet have said she should laugh it off, she'll feel compelled to do the same. Until the next time, because it solves nothing.

He is a twat, he is talking out of his arse, but the idiot is saying things to get a reaction out of you. Don't rise to this fool.He wants a reaction.
I would find a man like him inadequate, a total dick.

It’s not cos he’s a man. If one of my friends turned up wearing that jacket and asked me what I thought I’d have to be honest 😂

My mum had a white padded coat and I would always sing Stay another Day when she wore it. 😂

It’s not cos he’s a man. If one of my friends turned up wearing that jacket and asked me what I thought I’d have to be honest 😂

If OP had asked me I’d have said ‘burn it’ . Cowboy was quite tactful and imaginative in the circs.

😂😂😂

That’s fairly unpleasant. I read this and imagined two bullying school girls sniggering. Are you like that in real life? Im guessing so. So what if it’s not to your taste. To many including the OP it obviously is.

No I wasn’t a horrible bully. But I said if a friend asked what I thought… I’d have to tell the truth. I find it hard not to. I’d want friends to tell me the truth, even if it was “I think it’s awful you look daft”. Surely that’s a better friend? Then lying and saying you like it.

i asked my DH about a pair of jeans and he said they were the best of all the men repelling jeans I own…I think men just don’t think sometimes

That’s entirely your invention.

I read this and imagined the people-pleaser who tells their friend want they think she wants to hear as they value being liked over honesty.

I so rate the friends of mine who tell me the truth over the ones that simper.

Of course it is.

It’s my perception of your post. Not an invention. You came across as plain nasty.

The question was - was my partner out of order making comments that had upset her. OP shared a pic of the top. You both made derogatory comments about that top with laughing emojis. Well done. V mature.

I didn’t use laughing emojis. The only poster being nasty here is you. You come across as someone aggressively trying to start a fight. I’m off to bed.

You actually did use laughing emojis. If you’d care to scroll up you’d see them. Was expecting that response. Bullies hate being called out.

Honestly I’m usually the one saying I look like something stupid and my poor DH is tripping over himself to convince me otherwise (it is not a an attempt for compliments I swear to all that is holy).

Long story short I lost my hair blah blah blah … one night before going out I put on a black slouchy hat. Fuck me I looked like Dopey the fucking dwarf. When I pointed it out he tripped over himself to convince me otherwise until he couldn’t hold the laughter in any longer. The last time was just yesterday my curls which have always been aggressive are now aggressive I looked like Cindy Loo Who from the goddamned Grinch. Which was a pleasant change from my daily look of deranged lightbulb 💡

I do love the man but he needs to learn how to laugh.

I didn’t. I quoted a post that used one if you looked more carefully. You’re the bully now please leave me alone.

Still unpleasant ‘I’d burn it’. Really necessary when OP was already lacking confidence. But hey you’re the victim now so I’ll leave you be.

That fleece thing is an abomination. He was being restrained.

I like the photo. I think he was clumsily giving a compliment? Mine is like that too and I also feel undermined by his observation but he is black and white with no concept of the effect on someone else so put up with it and fume or beat myself up internally which is probably not what I should do. Your outfit looks great to me xxxx

At least apologise for your mistake and patronising response

In McCarthys Bar Pete's mate had a whiplash injury, walked into the pub dressed all in back with a soft neck brace collar on. He looked like a feckin pint of Guinness.

Sure. But there are multiple ways of saying something. Right?

I am very very sorry that I hurt your delicate feelings by calling out your unpleasant comment. Is that okay?

My teenage daughter is autistic and she is my favourite person to ask the opinion of. She is brutal but honest!

I suspect I am probably ND too as I find it hard to lie and to make things sound more socially acceptable. I would find it very difficult to pretend I liked something that I didn’t.

I took the “I’d burn it” as a humorous comment, of the over exaggerated type you often get on MN. I was laughing at the sharp humour of the comment, not the act of burning the top.

But as explained I don’t often translate these things correctly.

Below the waist line for me 😂