The one with the viking cowboy. Are these comments on my appearance terrible or not?

[Onceuponamama]

Short story. Two weeks ago my hair apparently looked "like a viking" wearing a claw clip then this evening "your're not going to like me telling you this but you look like a cowboy".

Two weeks ago I had my hair up in a claw clip whilst cleaning, dh walks into the room and comments "your hair looks like a viking like that". Inside I was like wtf but didn't let on how hurt I felt and just brushed it off.

Fast forward to this evening and I'm trying to find an outfit for tomorrow, we're supposed to be going on a early date for Valentine's day. Nothing fancy just lunch but still wanted to make abit of effort, so I tried on some bootcut jeans, a black cashmere jumper, black low heel boots (not western style) and an oversized cropped tapestry and borg fleece jacket.(no stirrups, hats or chewing on straw in sight) I showed him my outfit and asked if my jeans look ok as I felt abit self conscious wearing tighter style jeans as I normally wear wide leg nowadays. (33 yo mum size 12). Initially he said "yeh you look nice" then said "I don't think your going to like my answer but you look like a cowboy".

That was the second strike for me and I just told him straight that these are horrible ways to describe my appearance and no woman would want to be compared to a viking or a cowboy! He thinks these are perfectly reasonable ways to describe me?!

We barely get to have time to go out just us together these days and I was really looking forward to it but now I just don't want to go at all.

I'm up late venting and contemplating if DH is just clumsy with his words or is there more going on here and he's trying to knock my confidence on purpose? I've finished crying now so just give it to me straight if you think I'm being unreasonable in all of this or not. (I really hope I'm not)

Ok, so your DH is obviously completely clueless when it comes to fashion, or even correctly identifying a cowboy outfit! I would discount any future comments like this, he has no idea ...

I once tried on a green tunic with leggings and knee high boots - my son asked me if I was planning on stealing from the rich and giving to the poor!

Seriously I think it doesn't matter if others would be upset by his comments - it's upset you. Tell him so, and ask him to use a bit more tact in future. If he carries on then maybe it's deliberate negging.

You could always try giving him a taste of his own medicine.

Thank you to everyone for taking the time to reply to me, I appreciate it.

I'm kind of laughing at myself and embarrassed for getting upset over it now... it's so not important and trivial I know!

I think you’re being too sensitive OP. You should have gone back at him with something he looks like (all in good humour). I think re the jacket it’s not your usual run of the mill jacket so kind of get what he said but I would have laughed it off

That is beyond hideous

Reading over some of your replies, I've come to the conclusion that there might be a mass produced, ill-advised compliment book lurking out there somewhere that many some men are taking notes from! I just can't think of a title for it!

Dh is that you? You really said enough earlier if it is 😂

on a serious note though OP, my husband didnt ever pay wee compliments and it did impact my self esteem. He wouldnt ever say 'you look nice' even if id made a lot of effort to dress up for a wedding or soemthing.

Yesterday my outfit was discussed in a rodeo vs country style it was helpful. As in my line of work sometimes I need country, sometimes I need rodeo, sometime I need city.

I mean… is he always an idiot or is the idiocy a new development?

Viking hairstyles? Not something people would in general be familiar with. If he thinks it's like the hairstyles in the Vikings show- those hairstyles are pretty fucking cool tbh. Are you sure it wasn't a misunderstood complement?
Cowboy- the tapestry/borg combination may remind him of cowboy style, unclear. Ask if he meant it in a good way or thought it looked unusual.
Either term does not strike me as either derogatory or overtly critical, maybe something just as a passing resemblance, or something vaguely reminding of a style.

Just tell him he looks like a rapper and then like a snooker player or something

The jacket looks a bit ‘Little House on the Prarie’ so I can see where he’s coming from there. Vikings are hot, so I’d take that as a compliment.

Was the charm school closed?🙄

I like the jacket. Doesn't look like anything old-fashioned or cow-boy-y to me.

I'd tell him to think twice about his comments on my appearance if he wants a happy life, but also try to not care about his opinions of your fashion choices. Do you always love everything he wears? You don't have to value his views over your own.

Gosh I wonder what he would make of me @Onceuponamama 😂
Me and you would get on.
I bloody love anything tapestry. If it was actually a tapestry hanging on a wall at some point even better. Borg I also appreciate. If it’s got fringe I’ll get really excited about it. I actually own vintage western clothing amongst other strange pieces, and wear them. I have many skirts made of old table cloths, he’d be lost for words. I don’t think my DH loves them but I don’t really care- I have a vintage shop and my validation comes from myself and also all the women who are my customers around the world.
Wear whatever you feel good in, don’t ask his opinion. I think your outfit sounds lovely Xxxx

For me, jeans and a jumper isn’t a dressy outfit.

But look, most men aren’t tuned into clothes in the way that a lot of women are. If you feel good in jeans and a jumper, wear it!

Every time I wear dungarees DH asks me what I'm decorating today 🥱

Leader in fashion is he this man?

The jacket is great!
.but take very serious note of how he makes you feel. Don't ignore that. You are in the prime of your life and do not need to accept this negging bullshit. Why is he trying to do you down? The man who should be celebrating you?
.I hate to say it, but I really do believe most men don't like us. You deserve MUCH better.

I'd have been a bit taken aback if DH said I look like a cowboy or viking. It's unlikely that he intended it as a compliment?

DH would not like the jacket you were wearing (I do!) So maybe your DH was voicing his uncertainty over something he wasn't sure about - albeit in quite a clumsy way.

I think it’s the fact that he prefaced it with “I don’t think you’re going to like my answer but….”

Shows he knew it would be hurtful to you, but said it anyway.

That said, I would have found it funny to be compared to either Viking or cowboy - I am hopeless at dressing and sometimes need a gentle nudge

Ask him if he wants to role play anything from Conan the Barbarian or Brokeback mountain.

Some men are just crap at compliments. I was compared to a king prawn when wearing a slightly too tight pink silk dress in the 1980s. It was actually quite funny and perhaps even a little true although it did sting a bit at the time.

My husband is clueless at compliments! He once told me years ago my look was a "1990s witch" with one outfit. Absolutely clueless but he loves me and fancies me whatever I wear.

I absolutely don't dress for him or anyone else. I love clothes and wear what I want! And dont give a fig. I'm 44 though so maybe past worrying. Id take both cowboy and viking as a compliment too. 👌🤠💪❤️

Similar to me.

I have some blue ones and get called Super Mario when I wear them. 😀

OP, could you be pregnant and not know? You do seem to bit a bit sensitive to his comments, I do not know if you are generally sensitive though.

I am still trying to picture a viking hairstyle, as those in the show were great.