The one with the viking cowboy. Are these comments on my appearance terrible or not?

[Onceuponamama]

Short story. Two weeks ago my hair apparently looked "like a viking" wearing a claw clip then this evening "your're not going to like me telling you this but you look like a cowboy".

Two weeks ago I had my hair up in a claw clip whilst cleaning, dh walks into the room and comments "your hair looks like a viking like that". Inside I was like wtf but didn't let on how hurt I felt and just brushed it off.

Fast forward to this evening and I'm trying to find an outfit for tomorrow, we're supposed to be going on a early date for Valentine's day. Nothing fancy just lunch but still wanted to make abit of effort, so I tried on some bootcut jeans, a black cashmere jumper, black low heel boots (not western style) and an oversized cropped tapestry and borg fleece jacket.(no stirrups, hats or chewing on straw in sight) I showed him my outfit and asked if my jeans look ok as I felt abit self conscious wearing tighter style jeans as I normally wear wide leg nowadays. (33 yo mum size 12). Initially he said "yeh you look nice" then said "I don't think your going to like my answer but you look like a cowboy".

That was the second strike for me and I just told him straight that these are horrible ways to describe my appearance and no woman would want to be compared to a viking or a cowboy! He thinks these are perfectly reasonable ways to describe me?!

We barely get to have time to go out just us together these days and I was really looking forward to it but now I just don't want to go at all.

I'm up late venting and contemplating if DH is just clumsy with his words or is there more going on here and he's trying to knock my confidence on purpose? I've finished crying now so just give it to me straight if you think I'm being unreasonable in all of this or not. (I really hope I'm not)

@Myblueclematislast time I wore a turtle neck at work I was called Elizabeth Holmes. And I really could be her sister it was hilarious.

1. Don't ask him if you don't want an honest answer.
2. For Valentine's Day I would wear a dress for my partner's sake. Men like dresses.
3. Vikings are badass (and also my ancestors). I would be thrilled to be told I looked like a Viking.

But she asked him. And he was honest.

At least you didn’t look like Legolas, with your hair tied back 🤭😁 I’m sure many posters will tell you to leave him 🫠

So many missed opportunities to turn his comments about cowboy into something sexy and cheeky 🤠 but each of their own 🤷🏼‍♀️ let’s just get upset

My DP asks if I’m taking the Hobbits to Isengard if I wear my hair in a topknot

I have to say the workplace at the time of the comment was a really fun place to work regarding colleagues. It was pretty much all men and they could be really witty and funny at times. We all got on brilliantly.

I really miss those days at times.

I mean it's not sexy is it? I'd wear it because it's beautiful but I wouldn't expect compliments from my partner.

DH makes comments like this, recently he told me my nice co-ords made me look "like a fireman" (???). He regularly tells me "I love your hair, you look like a lion" (not what I'm going for but I just roar at him in response).

The most illjudged was when I was very heavily pregnant and was wearing leggings and a red jumper. He asked why I was dressed as Dr Robotnik.

No, I don't think I'd take offence and certainly wouldnt get upset at these sorts of comments. The viking one hardly matters - you are just bumming around the house. The one you were wearing out I would most probably look in the mirror and laugh and either make adjustments or say 'well I like it'.
I've told my husband he looks like a fishmonger/the man from Del Monte/Chandler Bing at various points, so can hardly get upset if he comments!

If this is genuinely the only thing going on in your relationship, then yes, you've massively overreacted. But my guess would be your extreme reaction is because you are feeling massively unloved, undervalued and/or disrespected generally in your relationship. You've just maybe found the wrong thing to focus on.

I once wore a pussy-bow blouse. DH took one look at me and said 'but why did you snatch those kids' milk?' 😭

He also once told me that a dress I had bought was 'a bit mormon'. I had a whole thread on the style and beauty MN section about it (lots of people agreed with him)

I am literally crying with laughter at this comment, and I’m heavily pregnant, so I’m about five seconds away from peeing myself 😂😂🤣🤣

I once bought a pair of wide white trousers with blue stripes, very summery, very breezy, and the first time I wore them, my husband looked at me and asked if I was about to start selling ice cream 🤭🤣 We both completely lost it.

To make things even worse, we later went to a wedding where one of his mates turned up wearing a linen jacket with the exact same pattern as my trousers. Naturally, my husband couldn’t help himself and said I should ask him to lend me the jacket so I could have the full matching outfit to go with my ice-cream seller trousers.😂

Honestly, I don’t know why this still tickles me this much, but I’m absolutely howling every time I think about it 🤣

This has reminded me of something from my school days. I wore to school a poncho which was fashionable at the time. Think native American. Some boys took the mickey by whistling a Fistfull of Dollars as I walked past.

I've just spat out my tea laughing at this.

But also not insulting? Op was cleaning at the time so presumably not trying to look particularly glamorous!

Tbh I'm not really sure what the link between claw clips and vikings are anyway, but if anything the stereotype of vikings currently is they're pretty sexy - think of thor, vikings TV show etc.
I dont see how there is anything wrong or derogatory in saying that at all! I would have laughed and done a (terrible) Danish accent and threatened him with valhalla if he didnt give me a hand!

It all depends on what your relationship is like normally op. If you're in a good place most couples would accept those comments as part of the usual teasing and jokes that comes with living with someone. If however he never compliments you then it could be more....but personally if those are the only two examples it sounds like more of an issue with you, a lack of self confidence in your appearance and how you think of yourself at the moment than anything he is trying to do.

I'd find this quite funny. Various comments I've had from DH:

You look like one of those penguins with the sticky up hair
Bag lady day today is it?
Good look babe, Noel Fielding would be proud
Why do you smell like an old car seat / library book?
Hello grandma!
Those shoes do NOT go with that outfit
Are you really going out like that?

Also he is fond of pretending to be a mime artist if I'm all in black

But, he also gives me plenty of compliments and tells me I'm beautiful regularly. If he didn't I think I would probably feel more sensitive about it.

A cowboy wouldn't be caught dead in that.

Sounds like something my DH would say. Fortunately I don't rely on him for my self confidence. I know I usually look nice, I'm not blind. I think a lot of men are pretty useless with fashion. Why aren't you paying attention to the "you look nice" bit and focusing on the cowboy part? Give him another 20yrs. That's how long it's taken my DH to stop making stupid comments.

This might give you a giggle OP

https://www.instagram.com/p/DOlZNjiDUYu/?igsh=MW15a2dvYnNsb2o1Mw==

Every time I leave the house for work in winter - long coat, hat, gloves, backpack - DP starts talking to me in a mishmash European accent because he says I look like a 10-year old boy on an exchange programme.

And viqueen!

OP as a size 12 you can wear any style of jeans you want and look great! I’m concerned that you’re not very confident about your appearance, he should be building you up not knocking you down. However, remember he did say you look nice, so you might be dwelling on the negative instead of focussing on the positive…

Whenever my bald ex husband wore a high neck jumper, I'd tell him he looked like a roll on deodorant 👀🤣

Here's the full Twitter thread - beautiful stuff.

Jane on X: "Props to anyone who tries to be fashionable in ireland i wore a red beret once in waterford and someone called me super mario" / X

I wouldn't worry about any of this. Many people don't have a very nuanced vocabulary, especially men when it comes to fashion.

Ah yes of course, next, that famous bastion of peak edgy, exploratory high fashion 😂

You're right, ops outfit of a fleecy jacket with bootcut jeans and low heel boots IS way too out there for my conformist sensibilities! Definitely not the exact same mum uniform you can spot thousands of women wearing daily....

I think youve got the wrong end of the stick - I assume most people who dislike the jacket do so because its rather twee and meh because they prefer more alternative fashion themselves?

Well I don’t know what cowboy movies your DH has been watching, Brokeback Mountain maybe??