To be annoyed about the stickers?

[NerdySnoozer]

DS7 is in Primary 2 (equivalent of year 1) and his school has a toothbrushing lady to help the children brush their teeth after lunch.
The tooth brush lady has been handing out stickers once a week to all the children. Today my son has come home very upset as he was told he won’t be getting a sticker this week as he didn’t want to brush his teeth today. (He’s a bit reluctant at home too, but we manage. )Messaged teacher for more info, apparently about once a week he decides he’d prefer to not to brush. He’s not the best at speaking up so sometimes will just pretend he hasn’t heard and ignore instructions. The lady got annoyed today and said if he didn’t come to do them, he wouldn’t be allowed a sticker on Friday. Class teacher doesn’t seem to think it’s a problem, says the lady supplies her own stickers and prizes and isn’t employed by the school, just visits as part of her job. She can’t tell her who to give stickers to and doesn’t want to ask her not to give them out at all. Got the impression that the teacher thinks the children shouldn’t have any choice in the matter and need to comply or be punished. Normally I’d just leave it as school is school and just support at home but I’m finding myself really annoyed about it. DH thinks I’m upset over nothing and am probably just hormonal and if I’m that bothered I can withdraw consent for him to brush at school.
Am I unreasonable to think the bloody stickers just shouldn’t be used as a punisment?

In my area of Scotland Childsmile have also started supplying this flavour free version. Worth checking it out

I've read all your responses OP. Please dont send cakes into a staff room over a message about stickers. That is also an overreaction. If you really feel it necessary just send a very short message to teacher saying thanks for responding, you understand completely, and apologies for taking up their time about an external issue.
Do you always tend to overreact so much about small things (stickers, messafes, cake)?

BTW.... i voted YABU before I read the whole saga because anyone who ever gets upset about stickers is being unreasonable, IMO. They are not worth stressing about.

Surely it’s a good incentive to get him to brush his teeth.

Please dont send cakes into a staff room over a message about stickers. That is also an overreaction. If you really feel it necessary just send a very short message to teacher saying thanks for responding, you understand completely, and apologies for taking up their time about an external issue.

I agree with this @NerdySnoozer . It's another unnecessary (though kind) overreaction. You've been incredibly generous in owning your error, but don't go too far the other way, it the teacher really will think you're batshit!

A simple note saying 'thanks for your time and your response yesterday. I now realise that I was overreacting to DS's disappointment, so I'm sorry to have taken up your time. Thank you for your patience and for all that you and toothbrush lady are doing for DS' is plenty. As obviously is the quoted wording.

If your DH is going to read this thread, I hope he realises what a lucky man he is to have such a mature, self-reflective and humble partner 💐

I’m kinda with you on ‘rewards’ in some ways, especially for boys. Too many men expect a gold medal for doing the basics of adulthood 😂

It isn't a punishment. Its a reward for doing the task. He has free will and decided he didnt want the reward enough to do the task. Its a choice made which is fine but there are consequences to choices...a good way to learn that.

Thanks for the information, I will ask our local Childsmile lady about getting some of these.

This. He didn't do it so he doesn't get a sticker. Simple.

When my now 45 year old nephew was at primary school the dc were given fluoride tablets in Scotland.

While in this case it is very clear cut, extrinsic rewards are problematic and overused in schools IMO. Not that I blame the educators - trying to get 30 kids all to learn the same thing must be nigh on impossible.

my.chartered.college/research-hub/the-dark-side-of-rewards-and-punishments-in-the-classroom-part-i/

I thought the advice from dentists was not to brush teeth until at least one hour or preferably 2 hours after eating. Something to do with the teeth enamel.

OP this is a very easy situation. If he wants a sticker, he brushes. Simple. It's not as if this lady is asking the children to do something that is bad for them!

Edit to add: I've just read all your updates, and I'm impressed with your self reflection. No need to send cakes in though :)

This - explain that if he wants a sticker he has to brush his teeth every day. Though, tbh, the orthodontist and dentist we use actively advise against mid-day brushing so soon after possibly acidic foods. I appreciate it may be to ensure kids are brushing their teeth properly at least once a day/five days a week… but it reeks a bit of nanny state.

I’d get some stickers of my own and let him earn them at home for proper am/pm brushing and tell him he is fine to skip the lunch time brushing, personally. They do some groovy dino themed ‘I brushed my teeth’ stickers on Amazon that he could wear to school instead.

Just read the thread, agreed, a very gracious mea culpa from the OP.

I do wish people in general would be more grateful for these free services, it seems everything is taken for granted these days.

I definitely don't have the expertise to comment on unconditional education, and I suspect a complete overhaul would be necessary. I don't think you could manage children in the way we expect to be able to in school. I expect something like the Steiner or Waldorf schools have a much less conditional approach.

I don't necessarily think some conditional approaches aren't appropriate at school. The ultimate example is exclusion, which I have used A LOT. But the way it is framed is a key difference. And it's never appropriate with a sticker, which is neither here nor there, and just teaches children to perform for stickers.

Hopefully your kid sorts this out before it is a case of ‘if you don’t do the required action you won’t get the college place/qualification/job etc.’

This is a great scheme. I grew up in poverty with a mother who believed the sooner you are in dentures the better, and my bad teeth are a real indicator of my childhood. I’m actually doing a lot better than my siblings and still have all my teeth but there are a rare few without fillings or crowns and they cost me an absolute fortune as every six months I have a filling to repair or replace.

Also those anti fluoride assholes have a lot to answer for. We had no fluoride in the water growing up (water from a well) so that was a big part of our dental issues, as well as not seeing a dentist until I was in my twenties! But deliberately going anti fluoride is inflicting harm on your child.

It's probably a deprived area where children don't brush their teeth at home so the school/Scottish dental service are trying to give some of them a chance to realise that teeth brushing is a thing you should be doing. Hopefully some of them will keep some of their teeth.

READ OP’s UPDATES, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

The school isn't paying for it directly, but yes - indirectly, it's a waste of money.

I'd say that the authorities need to be a more hands on in cases where it's clear that children's dental health is being neglected. On reflection, school might be the only way of accessing all the children at once.

I've seen a tiny minority of very sad cases at secondary school level. They could all have been prevented if the parents had been taken to task. (No, I'm not talking about ND children, etc. I'm talking about neglect.)

Oops, many apologies OP, I didn’t read your update. No sticker for reading comprehension for me! Gold star for you 🌟

Maybe read the OP 's updates

It might be, in a perfect world. But this project is about a proportion of children who would otherwise never get to clean their teeth. And even for the others, it's confirmation of the necessity of dental hygiene.

I don't think that timing can be crucial anyway. My teaching colleague was married to a dentist, and she cleaned her teeth religiously straight after lunch every day.

And another gold star for you! Now my snippy response makes me look really bitchy! 😅