To be annoyed about the stickers?

[NerdySnoozer]

DS7 is in Primary 2 (equivalent of year 1) and his school has a toothbrushing lady to help the children brush their teeth after lunch.
The tooth brush lady has been handing out stickers once a week to all the children. Today my son has come home very upset as he was told he won’t be getting a sticker this week as he didn’t want to brush his teeth today. (He’s a bit reluctant at home too, but we manage. )Messaged teacher for more info, apparently about once a week he decides he’d prefer to not to brush. He’s not the best at speaking up so sometimes will just pretend he hasn’t heard and ignore instructions. The lady got annoyed today and said if he didn’t come to do them, he wouldn’t be allowed a sticker on Friday. Class teacher doesn’t seem to think it’s a problem, says the lady supplies her own stickers and prizes and isn’t employed by the school, just visits as part of her job. She can’t tell her who to give stickers to and doesn’t want to ask her not to give them out at all. Got the impression that the teacher thinks the children shouldn’t have any choice in the matter and need to comply or be punished. Normally I’d just leave it as school is school and just support at home but I’m finding myself really annoyed about it. DH thinks I’m upset over nothing and am probably just hormonal and if I’m that bothered I can withdraw consent for him to brush at school.
Am I unreasonable to think the bloody stickers just shouldn’t be used as a punisment?

You don't get rewards if you haven't earned them. It's not a difficult thing he's being asked to do. If he's told to do something reasonable in school, he should damn well do it. The sooner he learns that "I don't feel like it" isn't an excuse, the better for everyone.

YABU about the sticker. He didn’t do it so doesn’t get a reward. Simple.

However, brushing teeth after lunch isn’t great. You need to leave 60 minutes after eating anything acidic (eg fruit, including tomatoes) or you brush away your weakened enamel. I doubt they ensure that there is enough time after every child has finished their food and drink before brushing.

To be honest I think this is the kind of thing that as a parent, you should get behind and encourage your son to engage with. No one likes smelly breath and bad hygiene and after lunch it’s totally a good time to brush teeth. Loads of kids don’t brush their teeth properly in the morning anyway so it’s just an opportunity to bed in good technique cause not all parents teach their kids that kind of thing properly.

yes

Geeze peace

It's a Public Health initiative. In areas where oral health is an issue they commission tooth brushing at school programmes.
But yes, I get your point - where does it end?
I've seen videos from China of teachers showing their classhow to wipe after going to the loo, using two balloons as cheeks and peanut butter! How much will have to be taught at school because parents aren't able to teach their children basic things? Things like action = reward, no action = no reward!

Prevention is better than cure. The UK has changed a lot in recent years and not everyone has the same standards or levels of knowledge anymore.

Better this than rotten teeth and lots of dentists appointments.

The stickers are not punishment but reward for learning to brush their teeth correctly.

Your son opted out. There’s no reward system for opting-out.

When he's older he may not want to stay for football practice but whine when he doesn't get in the team for a match, I wonder what the OP's opinion would be? (Other sports are available!)

A waste of school money, yet more 'support' for CBA parents.

God I hate behaviourist "motivation" (coersion) tactics 🙄 People have battered you, OP, for saying "punishment" instead of "threat". She was using the threat of being left out as a way to force his hand. I hate stuff like this because one of my DC's is PDA autistic and this would throw her into fight/flight/freeze. She'd hold it all together at school while secretly cursing the tooth brush lady, and then at home we'd get a mahoosive meltdown and it would be almost impossible to get her into school the next day. I doubt this is the case for you, but it has really put me off the carrot and stick approach and I wanted to let you know that you're not struggling with it alone.

Love this

Yes that would be good

I hope your son doesn't know you've turned this into a big deal, you're behaving as if the toothbrushing lady is some sort of dictator. He just needs to know the stickers are a reward and if he doesn't brush his teeth he doesn't get one. He's free to choose not to brush his teeth at school but he won't get a sticker. Not getting a sticker is not the end of the world it's just a consequence of a choice he made.

🤣🤣🤣👍🏻👏🏻

Ah bless you @NerdySnoozer for owning it! Like you say - very simple. Brush your teeth? Get a sticker. Stop pretending you didn’t hear? Brush first? Maybe get first pick of stickers! 😇

Part of the upset today has been that actually the stickers are highly sought after

Well then, he needs to get brushing. Such an easy solution to his problem🤷‍♀️. Can’t believe you didn’t tell him this and contacted the teacher.

But stickers are a reward? Why would he be given one if he didnt earn the reward?

YABU

The stickers aren’t being used as punishment , they are a reward - for brushing teeth. You get one if you brush your teeth , if you dint brush your teeth you don’t get one. It’s very simple. Your son is learning about life.

Would your resolution be for him to get a ‘well done for brushing your teeth “ sticker , even though he has not brushed them ?

I really do not understand why you have complained about this .

Thank goodness you're hormonal, because otherwise there's no rational explanation for you to be annoyed.

The stickers aren't being used as a punishment, your son is not being punished, however, if he wants a sticker, he needs to clean his teeth.

You support him by reminding him that if he doesn't clean his teeth, bacteria will cause holes and getting those filled can be painful. You remind him that if he wants a sticker on Friday, then he has to clean his teeth.

I don't always want to go to work, but if I do, they reward me weekly with pay. If I don't go to work I'm not punished, but they won't pay me.

Good on the teacher to not caving on this one.

Sorry OP, I wrote my post and didn't his sent, came back to my computer many hours later and saw it sitting there, so hit post.

You've clearly has a bit of time to consider things since. I hope you can look back and have a bit of a laugh about it all at some point.

You're definitely not a monster mum. We've all had those moments when we see our kids upset and want to save them from any hurt feeling.

Reading all your further posts now, you do see a good sort. Also, as a teacher for over 40 years, those in the staff room tomorrow will definitely appreciate the gesture.

As for the tooth lady, she also sounds like a good sort, with all those stickers she buys. I've recently retired and didn't realise until having to completely pack up, what a sticker addiction I have. Turns out I could have worked another 40 years and not purchased any more. Even now, I walk past cute ones at the store and have to stop myself from buying them. They're currently hidden from DH in a big box in the garage. I'm going to have to gift them to some of the younger teachers I know.

I was at primary school in the early 60’s….we had ‘The Happy SmileClub’ lady come in, she told us all about the importance of brushing our teeth twice a day, gave us a toothbrush etc.

He’s learning that actions have consequences.

He brushes his teeth = sticker

he chooses not to = no sticker.

No one is forcing a toothbrush in his mouth they are offering a transactional extra.

Never to young learn if you do X the reward is Y.

He can’t be rewarded if he won’t brush his teeth.

YABU

and school should tell you to do one if you ‘withdraw consent’ for teeth brushing 🤣