To be annoyed about the stickers?

[NerdySnoozer]

DS7 is in Primary 2 (equivalent of year 1) and his school has a toothbrushing lady to help the children brush their teeth after lunch.
The tooth brush lady has been handing out stickers once a week to all the children. Today my son has come home very upset as he was told he won’t be getting a sticker this week as he didn’t want to brush his teeth today. (He’s a bit reluctant at home too, but we manage. )Messaged teacher for more info, apparently about once a week he decides he’d prefer to not to brush. He’s not the best at speaking up so sometimes will just pretend he hasn’t heard and ignore instructions. The lady got annoyed today and said if he didn’t come to do them, he wouldn’t be allowed a sticker on Friday. Class teacher doesn’t seem to think it’s a problem, says the lady supplies her own stickers and prizes and isn’t employed by the school, just visits as part of her job. She can’t tell her who to give stickers to and doesn’t want to ask her not to give them out at all. Got the impression that the teacher thinks the children shouldn’t have any choice in the matter and need to comply or be punished. Normally I’d just leave it as school is school and just support at home but I’m finding myself really annoyed about it. DH thinks I’m upset over nothing and am probably just hormonal and if I’m that bothered I can withdraw consent for him to brush at school.
Am I unreasonable to think the bloody stickers just shouldn’t be used as a punisment?

I don't disagree re parents being neglectful but then why not step in and help the situation at school? If you grew up with neglectful parents surely you can understand why schools need to do what they can to help with hygiene, dental hygiene, food etc? I wish it wasn't the case and wasn't necessary but sadly it is.

Yeah, stop worrying about it now 😉

So the little kids deserve to suffer for it?

I agree though it seems many mums disagree. You might be interested in Alfie Kohns work in this area. His book is Punished by Rewards and explains why stickers are bad to use in schools. Immanuel Kant would also agree with you.

www.alfiekohn.org/punished-rewards/

Make sure to remind them to brush their teeth after they eat the cake though😄

Gold star when he gets his first filling.

Uhoh, unintentionally opened a can of worms here!
Having read a wee bit more tonight, I do actually think it’s an excellent scheme that will be supporting the children least likely to be accessing dental care to learn to look after their teeth, without singling them out, and actually, if giving them stickers helps with that, then I’m actually really glad this lady is there to do it.
Happy to eat my humble pie, take the teachers apology cake, and let my husband cackle about this every time I get snotty about parenting choices.
Lesson learned (hopefully)🤞

Saw a chavvy Mum in the local barbers the other day (you really can tell) and she had her toddler drinking fizzy pop out of a baby bottle in his pram - little one feel asleep with the teat in his mouth - bathing his teeth in sugar. Mum was busy on her phone - some parents do need more help than others.

Good effort on behalf of the school for trying to implement good hygiene- better some help than none.

OP, I love you

I think that the OP is in Scotland.

Surely brushing teeth should be encouraged?

OP, your follow-up posts are class.

This is the most gracious mea culpa I've ever read on Mumsnet. Well done you.

The trouble is that the post i was mentally drafting as I read the first couple of pages is now completely wasted! So I'm withholding the gold star. Sorry.

I mean, let loose, don’t hold back on my account!
We need to embrace the moment of me being wrong, it’s not often I’ll cop to it.

He wasnt punished.

There is a participation sticker.. he didnt participate

Choices have consequences

(Although i do think its weird a lady comes in to help with a mid day tooth brushing)

Don’t feel like a twat OP. Nobody likes to see their child upset and we don’t always think logically in the moment do we? It helps to remember though that the kids who never get to feel upset over the consequences of their actions are the ones who turn into entitled arsehole adults. Your DS will only benefit if you don’t rush in to smooth over every ‘problem’. It’s fine for them to be sad sometimes.

You should be supporting him to understand the importance of brushing him teeth and helping him to understand that he can't be given a sticker for refusing to do the very thing the sticker is aimed at rewarding.

Stop enabling him to feel entitled to something he hasn't earned. By complaining to the teacher, you're making him believe he has a genuine grievance. It's your job as his parent to help him understand why he hasn't been given one, not to demand he gets one regardless of whether he's actually earned one or not. It's only a sticker. If he wants one so badly, he needs to brush his teeth. It's as simple as that.

You are being incredibly unreasonable for bringing this up with the teacher (especially when it's clearly nothing to do with them). You honestly think he should get a sticker, regardless of whether he brushes his teeth or not? Madness.

Edit - Ok, fair play for recognising you were indeed being unreasonable. Not many can do that.

to be fair "will learn to be intrinsically motivated and do things for good reason, rather than to get a reward." then he would have brushed them without the sticker either way ?

to be fair this is mumsnet, the vipers of many snakes at times ?

Mine loved stickers for years, until 8 or 9 maybe!

OP, your follow up posts are very gracious and funny.

I do think you should consider giving the teachers a pack of tooth rotting lollipops instead of cake just to see their WTF faces.
(When I was little and my mum took us to the dentist, if we were good she would take us to choose some penny sweets on the way home. I was about 35 before it dawned on me what a bizarre reward that was in the circumstances!)

I'd hate to be a teacher these days, bloody hell.

The toothpaste supplied by Childsmile is a minty one so will taste differently than the strawberry one he has at home. We are an access point for Childsmile toothbrushes and toothpaste, as are a lot of local authority buildings and community centres here in Scotland we have for age 1-3 and 3-5 in our building. Our local Childsmile lady goes round to all the local parent and baby / toddler groups in the area as well as the schools to encourage teeth brushing. I’ve never seen her with stickers though. Their remit is education and encouragement especially in disadvantaged areas, it’s having a good impact and means that cost is not a barrier for parents to be able to replace toothbrushes as regularly as they need to especially when the kids start chewing them, the toothbrushes we have for littlies come in all colours and have little pictures on them so the kids enjoy picking their own.

Am I missing something?

”Well DD the stickers are supposed to be for people who brush their teeth. If you don’t brush your teeth you don’t get one.”

Poor teacher getting an email about this

Brush your teeth = get a sticker
Don’t brush your teeth = no sticker

His choice. Yabu.