Dad thinks he should have the kids if I'm not available.

[Daniella66]

My ex has the kids dd13, ds14 every second weekend and one evening a week. He has a close loving relationship with them. He's a good father.
I always leave the kids with my mother who lives next door if I'm unavailable. Ex says he should be given that time when opportunities arise. (He lives 5 mins away) I don't agree. It's my time so I'll decide what happens in those instances.

So many men shirk their responsibility as fathers and you are lucky enough to have one that doesn't and you're playing power games instead of putting your children first.
Nasty.

Give your children the choice.

Good for him. Other parent should always be first back up.

They're not a timeshare property to be argued over.

Bingo

petty, nasty, point scoring behaviour.

Why has this come up now? Have you only recently started leaving them with your mum? Are they complaining about it? How long and how often is this? At 13 and 14, can't they just stay at home for a couple of hours? If it is overnights, at those ages, they should decide.

Or, are you actually the parent who wants more time with their children playing reverse? Seeking out MN hypocrisy. There is something slightly off in the phrasing of replies.

But surely you can see it's healthy for them to spend more time with their dad too?

Its been 8 years. They can make their own choices now. With him living so close they absolutely should just be coming and going as they like. Sorry op, I'm usually very much on the side of an RP who has put in all the leg work but with him being that close by, he should have seen them more throughout. How they feel about their grandparent is not part of the equation. Its great that they are close but a parental relationship trumps that barring v unusual circumstances.

You seem like a horrible mother who puts herself ahead of her kids.

ex should take you to court and get custody of the kids.

yup short and sweet

I’m surprised at these responses! It’s up to OP what childcare she arranges when she’s got the kids and she can’t be there - her mother lives next door and no doubt values time spent with the grandkids too!

If ex wants more time then he can ask for a proper formal change in the scheduled visits rather than asking for first refusal on ad hoc time which takes organising and planning and he could say no to!

Perhaps OP wants to pick her own babysitter ffs!

The big question is: how many days a week is your mum providing childcare, and do you mean overnights?

The minute you wrote “you ladies” I knew this was a reverse. Hope you got your validation and enjoyed all the posters tearing apart your ex. There’s definitely a back story here.

You decided. I think you're afraid of asking them because you won't like the answer.

Well, yeah, a lot has changed since your original court arrangement, because the kids are now teens. You say he’s a decent dad - let him & the kids figure it out.

If you’re nipping out for an hour at 5 minutes notice, obviously your mum next door is the pragmatic solution. If you’re going out for the night, the kids’ dad is willing & available, & the kids would like to see their dad, then you don’t have a leg to stand on in obstructing that.

Any court would & will say it’s up to teenage dc, not ‘it’s my time’.

It’s a fight you won’t win, & given you describe their dad rather positively, why would you want to?

Court action with two teenagers is ridiculous either let them decide or assume considering they have not said anything they are fine

how often is this

Because she has her mum watch her kids sometimes? Jesus Christ this is batshit

Why don't you want the kids to see their Dad more than they do?

My kids are 7 and 2, and I always ask if they want dad or grandma if I need to something on my own.

He could easily go to court and ask for 50:50, and unless there’s something about him you’re not telling us he would very likely get it if the kids were happy. I think you need to be careful here or you’ll shoot the goose laying the golden eggs.

What “watching” so 2 mid teens need? Especially when the op says she won’t ask the dc what they want…

I would always let ds be with his Dad if I wasn't available during my alloted time. Sounds like you just want to screw him over. Which isn't ideal for your poor kids.

Yup.

being a parent comes first.

think about the father

bet he would love to have them more

shame the mum had better things to do when she had her kids

Because competing with the father is more important than actually what the children want, sure 2 teenagers may be desperate to spend time with their grandmother over their father but the game would not be as fun for the op

Good luck if he takes you to court, I can’t see any judge siding with you, especially as it was last reviewed when they were young children not teenagers. Things change, you adapt your parenting to the different stages of your child’s life.
Is there a reason you are so set against his reasonable request?

He’s trying to see his kids more.

I wouldn’t see that as breaking an order but rather being a good dad.

The question is why you wouldn’t want your children to see their dad more or be asking their opinion at 13/14yo

Kids are 8 years older so if course things change