Page 23 | Dad thinks he should have the kids if I'm not available.

amber763 · 14/02/2026 19:55

You keep saying the kids are perfectly happy, but thats because they dont know there's another option there. Ask them what they'd prefer and do that. You sound quite petty about this. Sounds like he just wants to spend time with his kids.

Radishy · 14/02/2026 19:57

Daniella66 · 12/02/2026 20:03

My ex has the kids dd13, ds14 every second weekend and one evening a week. He has a close loving relationship with them. He's a good father.
I always leave the kids with my mother who lives next door if I'm unavailable. Ex says he should be given that time when opportunities arise. (He lives 5 mins away) I don't agree. It's my time so I'll decide what happens in those instances.

I smell a rat, I think the dad wrote this! Gotta be more to it.

Happyher · 14/02/2026 20:00

I think you should ask your DC if they want to spend some extra time with their Dad. Don’t deny them if they’d enjoy it. 8 years is a good time to review the arrangement now DC are older. “there’s an agreement in place’ is not a good reason to stop your. DC seeing their Dad if they want to

Viviennemary · 14/02/2026 20:09

Your ex is their parent. He wants to see more of them. It seems fair he should have them when you can't.

Booboobagins · 14/02/2026 20:09

The kids should spend time with their grandma. If he has them when she normally would when would they see her?

Yes I'd try to allow him more access if he's a good dad, but I would not be asking him to cover where you'd normally ask your mum.
YANBU.

Pineapplewaves · 14/02/2026 20:11

I think the vote would have gone differently if you had mentioned the court order in your original post.

Given that there is a court order for access in place then I think ex should go to court for further access if that’s what he wants. It’s been 8 years so it wouldn’t be unreasonable to ask for it to be updated if his circumstances have changed since then.

TalulahJP · 14/02/2026 20:12

arrangements can be changed. why are you so reluctant to let a good dad see his kids?

Id suggest you're being childish and playing a stupid power game. I’d grow up and consider his request properly rather than defaulting to This Is The Way It’s Always Been. Um so what lol.

Is this about money? as hed pay less if he sees them more? i imagine not but who knows as youve not mentioned money.

they should enjoy time wirh all who love them and keep them safe. they only get one childhood.

AlexStocks · 14/02/2026 20:15

The relationship that kids build with their father is necessary for healthy development. Thank the gods he wants to spend time with them. It sound like he's open to popping by and picking them up.

Sirzy · 14/02/2026 20:15

Pineapplewaves · 14/02/2026 20:11

I think the vote would have gone differently if you had mentioned the court order in your original post.

Given that there is a court order for access in place then I think ex should go to court for further access if that’s what he wants. It’s been 8 years so it wouldn’t be unreasonable to ask for it to be updated if his circumstances have changed since then.

Why? She acknowledges he is a good dad, the children have grown up a lot since the original
order.

why go to court rather than adapting like adults?

TerminallyScunnered · 14/02/2026 20:24

Of course they should be with the other parent if you aren't there. You should ask the kids what they want. You sound as though you are weaponising the kids. Why are you so bitter 8 years later? Lots of things can change in 8 years, which i think you know. That includes people's work/living/financial situations and of course your kids are older and should have a say in where they spend their time.

BruFord · 14/02/2026 20:27

Pineapplewaves · 14/02/2026 20:11

I think the vote would have gone differently if you had mentioned the court order in your original post.

Given that there is a court order for access in place then I think ex should go to court for further access if that’s what he wants. It’s been 8 years so it wouldn’t be unreasonable to ask for it to be updated if his circumstances have changed since then.

@Pineapplewaves The children’s ages are why it makes little sense to return to court.

Assuming that her eldest will turn 15 this year, a new court order could potentially be valid for just 12-18 months so it’s pointless to waste time and money obtaining one. Even her younger child is 13 so less than three years for them.

Better to be a little flexible until the current court order expires. The worst scenario is that the children later realize that their Mum didn’t allow them to spend more time with their Dad (for no good reason), resent her for it, and both decide to move in with him. At 16 they can do this.

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 14/02/2026 20:46

With him being 5 minutes away, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for him to want to be the default care for his own children.
I’d definitely ask him before asking my mum.

DaringlyDizzy · 14/02/2026 20:56

Sooo... Bio Dad is a good dad, wants more time with his kids. You refuse for no reason. You state there is an agreement. He then decides to go to court to change said agreement as HE IS THIER DAD and HE WANTS TO SEE THEM. You moan he is rocking the boat in going to court.

Wow. I really hope the court arrives swiftly and he is granted the contact he desserves

Pherian · 14/02/2026 21:42

Daniella66 · 12/02/2026 20:03

My ex has the kids dd13, ds14 every second weekend and one evening a week. He has a close loving relationship with them. He's a good father.
I always leave the kids with my mother who lives next door if I'm unavailable. Ex says he should be given that time when opportunities arise. (He lives 5 mins away) I don't agree. It's my time so I'll decide what happens in those instances.

Incorrect. Your children’s aren’t your property - they are your and your ex husbands children equally and respectfully. You are only harming your children with your bitter and cruel behaviour.

Pherian · 14/02/2026 21:43

Daniella66 · 12/02/2026 20:17

He's threatening court action.

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He will win too.

CarelessWimper · 14/02/2026 22:10

Surely a good solution is to split this time, offer the dc some extra time with their dad and see how it goes. Dragging this back to court is going to be really stressful for everyone and likely to be damaging for the dc as it really is going to make them say what they want.

It sounds like they should see more of their dad to me, I would ask myself what is in their best interests and how will they see this in the future

user1476613140 · 14/02/2026 22:11

Just do 2/2/3 especially since you're both 5 minutes away from each other. Then you both have an equal split.

Thechaseison71 · 14/02/2026 23:09

Booboobagins · 14/02/2026 20:09

The kids should spend time with their grandma. If he has them when she normally would when would they see her?

Yes I'd try to allow him more access if he's a good dad, but I would not be asking him to cover where you'd normally ask your mum.
YANBU.

Why on earth is time with grandmother more important? And she lives next door They can see her anytime

plinkero · 14/02/2026 23:09

He’s their dad.
i can’t believe you are asking this question.
how would you feel if the roles were reversed?

Hazelbones34 · 14/02/2026 23:09

Daniella66 · 12/02/2026 20:12

We agreed this arrangement in court. He argues that a lot has changed since then (8 years ago) He's the one trying to break the agreement. It's pretty straightforward. Surprised you ladies think this way.

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Has a lot changed in 8 years?
You say your ex is a good father and he and the children have a loving relationship why are you surprised that so many ladies here are supporting him having more contact with his children, you loose nothing from this happening…. You are not available for them at this time so why shouldn’t he have the chance to be? …..Do you know how many of these ladies commenting would die for their children to have a father that is a good loving dad who wants to spend time with his children?…..you should thank your lucky stars that your children don’t have to be regularly let down or be even totally ignored by their father.

Honestly I think you posted this just to have a bunch of strangers bash your ex and justify your unreasonable attitude,
Time to put aside whatever resentment you have with your ex and do what’s best for the kids they are not little anymore and should have a say.

Lavender14 · 14/02/2026 23:30

It sounds like things are very fractious between you both.

I don't think it would be fair to put the children in a position to have to 'choose' but equally grandparent relationships are also very important to kids so I don't see why you'd need to change the arrangement as it stands provided they're happy with going to their granny's.

When you say they're happy with it do they actually look forward to going or do you mean they just aren't miserable with it?

Do they look for more time with/ express missing their dad? Do they look forward to going to stay with him? Does he care for them well and has there been a history of abuse either towards you or them? Have things been amicable between you before now?

I think op obviously navigating seperation and Co parenting is extremely difficult but I think you need to be really careful that you're centering your kids in it all. They should be in the place where they're happiest, well looked after and with a stable consistent care giver. If that's their dad in comparison to your mother then it's something you need to give thought to from a neutral place putting your own feelings aside.

However, if the kids are genuinely happy with the current arrangement then no, I don't think he gets to try and dictate where they spend time when it's on 'your' time. The caveat to this op, is that you then don't get an equal say. So if he gets a new girlfriend who you don't like and he leaves the kids with her you've given up your right to argue that outside of abuse.

Is there no scope to work together to agree that any time either of you need to use childcare that you'll ask the other first and use grandparents as the backup to that? Or do you think his intentions are malicious?

How much time are the kids needing to stay with your mum and how regularly is it happening?

SEmumma · 15/02/2026 01:28

My husband and I had 50% custody of my stepdaughter and if we ever had a reason where we needed her “babysat” we would always give her the option of more time with her child before asking extended family.

It sounds as though maybe things haven’t always been completely amicable between you but given that you say you have no concerns about his relationship with the children, I would try to consider how you would feel if the situation were reversed and he chose to not give you the option of more time with them

Violetscramble · 15/02/2026 06:20

dadtoateen · 12/02/2026 20:06

Way to think of your kids first!!

let the dad have them if you can’t spare the time yourself to look after your own kids…

Wow! So mum not allowed to be unavailable. Just wow.

Hayleybail · 15/02/2026 06:23

Daniella66 · 12/02/2026 20:03

My ex has the kids dd13, ds14 every second weekend and one evening a week. He has a close loving relationship with them. He's a good father.
I always leave the kids with my mother who lives next door if I'm unavailable. Ex says he should be given that time when opportunities arise. (He lives 5 mins away) I don't agree. It's my time so I'll decide what happens in those instances.

A good father with a close and loving relationship doesn't have contact every other weekend and one night a week, especially living only 5 minutes away. More to this.

BudgetBuster · 15/02/2026 07:06

Hayleybail · 15/02/2026 06:23

A good father with a close and loving relationship doesn't have contact every other weekend and one night a week, especially living only 5 minutes away. More to this.

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That's a pretty standard court access order when the kids were young. The court order is 8 years old. It's only in more recent years that judges are leaning towards 50/50 access.