“Why would you have casual sex? Do you want a man to use your body and be done with you?l”

[Plorah]

I was with my family last weekend for a girls night. We were having a few glasses in the kitchen when an aunt said this to my 19 yo niece. I was taken aback and assumed everyone else was.

All the women present AGREED. I was really shocked as no one there is exactly a nun.

I’ve had a couple of ons and they were fun and carefree. I didn’t like the implication that sex is not about a woman’s pleasure.

This is an insane take right? I don’t know if it’s just me but a lot of women I know are aligning a lot more with radical feminism these days ie Viewing and men quite cynically.

Those present were ALL in relationships. Just weird

I was just surprised this take was popular.

There have been definitely times in my life where it would have been unwise and immature to start a serious relationship and so I was only up for casual sex and FWB type ongoing relationships. Without those connections, life would have been more dull for sure. They were tough times.

You're missing my point: the person might be conventionally unattractive and find it hard to find a partner for that reason. Or they might have high support needs which make it hard to find a long term partner. Or they might have care duties which make finding a long term partner difficult. Or they might just never meet the right person. These things wouldn't necessarily make casual sex (rather than relationship sex) off limits but they would make it hard for someone who only likes sex within a relationship.

Oh, I just assumed it had changed over the years. I worked as a barmaid, years ago, before starting a job, and I used to hear the blokes and how they talked about some women to their mates. .

Shame it hasn’t changed then. 🙄😂

Sorry, the laugh emoji wasn’t intentional in above post. Can’t edit now.

Oh, I just assumed it had changed over the years. I worked as a barmaid, years ago, before starting a job, and I used to hear the blokes and how they talked about some women to their mates

I can confirm that some men still brag about their 'conquests'
And not always in complimentary terms. I personally think it would be more honourable not to mention it at all rather than say what rubbish/great
sex you've had with x or y

Yes, women commenting who like ONSs often seem to assume men were respectful because they acted that way with them. But what did they say to their mates after?

It may be hilarious for you but everyone has a different viewpoint, hence the thread. Different viewpoints don't make them hilarious

Don't you discuss what you're going to do beforehand? Ask which sex acts he enjoys, and if his preferences are on the same wavelength as yours.

Not by my interpretation

It's literally a thread about sex 😉

I don’t think the opinion you quoted is an “insane” opinion. It is a fair question to ask because the hook up culture of the noughties has cheapened sex to just picking a woman and ordering her like you’d order a burger off uber eats. It’s not all been fun and carefree for everyone. Many teens today might be thinking one night stands are something they should be having. They may just be going along with the hook up culture. It challenges your niece to think about why would she want casual sex. She needs to think if it’s something she wants. Many young women don’t like or want casual sex and being exposed to different opinions from older women empowers her to chart her own course by what she wants. Why were you afraid to speak up? You said everyone else agreed that casual sex isn’t something they want, you liked it, so why didn’t you speak up and say your experience?

No. That sounds like the biggest mood killer ever.

I do too, but sex positivity has made this the case.

Having skimmed through the thread, I can see that I am something of an outlier.

I have no problem orgasming with PIV alone. I don’t need an emotional attachment to have sex. It’s just sex. While I do believe sex is important in a committed relationship, I don’t believe a committed relationship is necessary for sex. I have had a few one night stands, not many. They served a purpose. I wanted sex. I didn’t feel used or hollow afterwards. On every occasion the man wanted a relationship following the ONS. I didn’t.

I said sex wasn't a need. That was my point, and that we should not treat it as a need - which we are doing as a society.

You need it to stop you wanting it.

Discussing expectations helps to set the boundaries for consent. It absolutely is not a mood killer.

Crossing boundaries and not staying within the parameters set by consent is a mood killer.

So are you supposed to sit down with a checklist pre-sex, to make clear your yes and nos?

Genuinely, that’s not something I’ve ever done.

Why are you surprised that women who are in relationships don't think casual sex is a good idea, OP?

Some fair points, GN. Let me be clear. Informed consent includes thinking of those around you. If you sleep with someone and it destroys your marriage (not you personally!) then that's your choice. You did it, no one else. You suffer the consequences, if any. Casual sex is not about being a 'thing'. It's about making one's desire one's priority. We have to allow adults agency. ONS may, or may not, be part of that agency. We're all different.

It's called communication. It's universally accepted as a prerequisite for sex.

Yes. Men should do better.

We are not islands and making a sexual connection is deeply intimate leaving us always connected in some way to the other person.

Sorry, it really doesn’t.

We are not islands and making a sexual connection is deeply intimate leaving us always connected in some way to the other person.

Even people who don't have casual sex, be it ONS or FWB, will often have had more than one sexual relationship throughout life. I can't imagine many will say they are still connected to their exes because they once had sex with them.

No, I actually haven't. I've said why would you want to settle for pleasure+no orgasms, when you could have pleasure+one or more orgasms?? For those women in long-term relationships who have much more pleasure and orgasms with committed partners, the thought of going back to one night stands with a lesser amount of pleasure seems less appealing.

It sounds like you undervalue the role of (multiple) orgasms because of your own experiences, and that's fine! The whole point is that different people have different experiences, and for many women, those experiences make one night stands less rewarding than sex within a relationship (even if that might be a 'friends with benefits' casual relationship).