DS’s dad cut his hair without asking me

[Minimelanie]

me and DS’s dad are separated. Never married. He works full time and has his son on the weekends.
we agreed a hair cut when DS started school and he paid. I told him how I wanted it to be and it turned out ok although I do prefer longer hair on him.
the cut was a mid length shaggy cut. I now want DS to grow his hair long again so I told ex’s partner I want it to be left to grow (me and ex communicate by email or I pass messages to his partner).
she dropped DS back last week and he’s cut his hair into a crew cut without asking me.

Am I right to feel annoyed that he should have asked me? DS is in first year of school.

Yep, a total roasting on this one!

Jeez pick your battles. You can’t possibly win this as your son doesn’t want long hair. He wasn’t even happy with it mid length & you want it longer, despite knowing he was upset with the comments off his school mates. They probably wasn’t being mean at this age they say things that pop into their head & most 5 yo boys don’t want to look like a girl. Some things you just have to suck up as they get older. my kids wearing the cute outfits I used to buy to them rejecting it & wanting to dress like a yardies was a sad day for me but it is what it is

They need a new forum. Validate me please. We can all then bullshit.

but I have friends like this. Come with a problem, ask what you think & don’t like the response.

This. ^ For goodness sake @Minimelanie let your son have short hair. I don't know WHY some mums insist on leaving their son's hair long. I find it really strange. Like I dislike short hair on girls. I don't mean girls should have long flowing hair, and a cute bob is OK, but not short back and sides! Ditto, hair on a boy is OK like a little shaggy, but not long.

EG, pic 1 ... This hair on a boy - fine. Pic 2. This hair on a boy - not fine.

Pic 3 - This hair on a girl - fine. Pic 4 - This hair on a girl - not fine.

Don't anyone come at me, it's JMO!

So essentially you are saying that only you get to choose the haircut not the dad? Why do you get the final say? What does your son want?

It gets worse! Just saw the OP comment. The kid is getting bullied at school for having long hair, but OP still wants to force him to have her preference and chooses not to believe her son.

Well done dad in that case

Your son is also old enough to have a say. Well done to his dad for listening to him.

Exactly! 'Because I have him more than his dad,' is a bizarre reason for keeping her son's hair long (when her son says he wants it short!)

As you said, well done dad for having his son's hair cut!

You want it long exP wants it short.. there isnt a compromise there.. tbh id be asking DS HIS preference

And as he seems to be saying short YABU.

Hes getting teased when its long and wants it short so his dad did the right thing.

You might have DS more but DS has to live with his hair all the time

You sound very selfish. Why do you want your son to have longer hair than he actually wants?

You can't be serious. Of course five-year-olds can be bullied! It's horrible that your son told his own mum that he was being bullied for having long hair (which is entirely plausible) and she didn't believe him.

You need to rethink your entire attitude to parenting. You're treating your son as a fashion accessory, not a human being.

This has to be a reverse.

Why?

“But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.” !!! Seriously OP, what age do you think bullying start in school then?
Of course your DS could have been bullied!

Or a straight up windup like 90% of mn posts..

HRTWT but have read OPs.
Is this about more than his hair? Is it a control thing?

I hope so, but it could feasibly be real. I've seen this quite a few times on parenting forums: parents are separated, mum wants young son to have long hair, dad (who knows first-hand how boys at school may view other boys with long hair) gets his hair cut, mum gets annoyed because "I'm his mum, it should be my decision..."

It's his hair, so he should have the most say. He's a person, not a doll.

A bit cold for a crew cut at this time of year - does he have a warm hat?

I was 'pantsed' at 4 years old because I looked like a boy due to short hair and dungarees (this was the 1980s so no one gave a crap)...

So yes, absolutely, kids will tease, bully, and do worse, for a wide variety of reasons including hair length.

Kid wants his hair short, kid has his hair short.

Ignoring reasonable desires over personal appearance are inappropriate and his Dad has done the right thing. He is not your little dressing up dolly, he's his own person!

Chose your battles.
Children grow up quickly.
Life is too short.
Use your time and energy wisely.

It's good that someone was listening to his view

Long hair on a boy DOES NOT MAKE THEM LOOK LIKE GIRLS!

Sorry that attitude really fucks me off.

Having said that your 5 year old should have his say, at 5 my DS wanted long hair, he still has long hair at 13. They’re the ones who have to wear it. OP YABU

Yabu your son wants his hair short, the dad was right to get it cut (especially if he is being bullied for it).

I always find it very strange when mums are obsessed with their sons having long hair, it's always the boy mums that desperately wanted a girl instead.. like they are trying to replicate it.
Thankfully I listen to my ds and let him cut his hair short like daddy's.

Thank goodness your son has one parent who treats him with respect in relation to how he wants to look, he is not a doll, if he wants short hair then it's your job to facilitate that for him. If you are so controlling in other respects, be prepared for him to get to age 10 or so and decide he wants to live with his dad full-time..