DS’s dad cut his hair without asking me

[Minimelanie]

me and DS’s dad are separated. Never married. He works full time and has his son on the weekends.
we agreed a hair cut when DS started school and he paid. I told him how I wanted it to be and it turned out ok although I do prefer longer hair on him.
the cut was a mid length shaggy cut. I now want DS to grow his hair long again so I told ex’s partner I want it to be left to grow (me and ex communicate by email or I pass messages to his partner).
she dropped DS back last week and he’s cut his hair into a crew cut without asking me.

Am I right to feel annoyed that he should have asked me? DS is in first year of school.

Your son wanted shorter hair, YABU.

Why is being told you look like a girl problematic?

I always find it very strange when mums are obsessed with their sons having long hair, it's always the boy mums that desperately wanted a girl instead.. like they are trying to replicate it.

Yes, I've noticed this, too.

Especially if her reaction to him saying he's being picked on at school is, "No you're not."

I don't think OP is coming back though.

Because he doesn't like it and doesn't want people to mistake him for a girl?

Sounds to me like your DS has gone to his dad and maybe in a father & son moment he has confided in his father that he hates his hair. Father has accepted that it wont be popular with you but he has 'had his sons back' and got it cut. He has tried to tell his mum that he doesnt like it but you have not listened. Borderline abuse if you ask me and the fact you are more bothered about your ex looking after your sons needs against your wishes rather than looking at how you ignored your DS simple request is worrying.

They're all fine dont talk such rubbish, people like you are the reason we have kids thinking they're a different sex or wanting to be a different sex. Regressive sex stereotypes that didnt really exist like this when I was growing up, boys had long hair and girls had cute pixie cuts.

In this particular case the boy doesnt want longer hair so that makes it fine to cut

It would have been fine to leave it as well if he had liked it.

He’s five, he gets to choose his haircut unless its something outrageous, I’m a Sikh, I don’t cut my hair, I would rather our children didn’t, however that isn’t something they are aware of as I want them to feel comfortable asking for their hair to be cut as they wish.

You need to think about the girl comment, no one should see being mistaken for a girl as a negative as being a girl isn’t a negative thing.

More than your son does? Its his hair after all. What your son wants is not against any school rules or problematic so its his shout. You will have many battles raising a child, this is on the list of “let it go”.

Why are you and your ex using his new partner as a messaging system?

Shame there wasn't a poll.

YABVU.

I mean, YABU in the first instance, but once you admitted your ds wanted it short .......

You need to think about the girl comment, no one should see being mistaken for a girl as a negative as being a girl isn’t a negative thing.

Of course it's negative to be called the opposite sex if that's not what you aiming for - especially at 5 years old when you are starting to categorise yourself as boy or girl rather than just a kid..I once had a short hair cut when I was about 9 and was assumed to be a boy a couple of times, and I hated it. Not because I inherently thought being a boy was negative though..

Well then that’s his choice. Bet it looks neater as well

Your son clearly wanted his hair cut. Time to move on.

YABU, your son expressed his wishes to have short hair and does not want long hair as he is being bullied.

You husband respected his son’s wishes , you have no more say than him, it’s what your son wanted.

Your ex should have communicated with you about getting your son’s hair cut of course, but what would you have said?

your son communicated to you that he wanted short hair and you ignored him, at least ex is listening to him

@KellySeveride

Long hair on a boy DOES NOT MAKE THEM LOOK LIKE GIRLS!

If they are prepubescent, it does a bit...

I feel for you but at school age I would
go with what your son wants. I don’t think this is a mean abusive dad cutting off all the toddler curls to upset you, I think this is a dad lisenimg
to his son

Except you don't get more say. Whether that's hair cut, ear piercing, choice of school . Both parents both have a say.

No, your son has the say in how he wants his hair, It's his body, not yours. He's at the age where they get to make little decisions like this about themselves.

He made it clear he didn't want long hair and his father respected his wishes, you did not.

Keep in mind your son is a person in his own right not a doll to style as you wish, He's 5 not a toddler.
You sound quite over bearing to be honest, you're putting your wants above your child despite the fact he already told you he's being bullied for it.

This. ^ What a strange comment from that poster.

It’s not about him being bullied necessarily ( although you need to follow this up ). It’s about what he prefers, and of course him choosing , within reason , what wants without any undue pressure from kids at school, his Dad or you.

Where he spends more time is neither here nor there in terms of how his hair is cut.

The only person who should have more of a say in your sons hair, is your child himself… he didn’t want the long hair because his peers said he looked like a girl so his Dad listened.
Im a mum of boys, the youngest is 5 and as long as their hair conforms to their school rules, I don’t tell them how they should wear their hair.
They sit in the barbers chair, barber asks the what they want done, barber looks at me to check and then they have mostly what they choose.
The exception to the rule was one wanting to have a blue Mohawk obviously, because that wouldn’t be allowed in school, however the barber cut it in such a way that on weekends with gel in, it can be put into more of a Mohawk and left flat for school.

One of mine is currently sporting a shaggy look, and keeps flicking his fringe out of his eyes and I keep offering to book an appointment to have it tidied up but he declines, the other is rocking is ‘Fauxhawk’ and the other has short back and sides almost military style.
It’s hair, as longs as it’s clean and headlice free I’d take that as win! (And on the subject of lice, you’ll appreciate the short hair when they are doing the rounds in school)

I think this may not be true in ALL cases, but whenever I see a woman with a son with long hair, I just think 'she wanted a daughter....'

I was so sad when my DS wanted his hair cut. But I put a brave face on it and let him choose his own hairstyle!

Your son is old enough to have an opinion about his own hair. You no longer get to decide beyond making sure it is cut often enough you avoid split ends, clean, and brushed.

If he wants short hair, his father was absolutely correct to take him for a haircut.