DS’s dad cut his hair without asking me

[Minimelanie]

me and DS’s dad are separated. Never married. He works full time and has his son on the weekends.
we agreed a hair cut when DS started school and he paid. I told him how I wanted it to be and it turned out ok although I do prefer longer hair on him.
the cut was a mid length shaggy cut. I now want DS to grow his hair long again so I told ex’s partner I want it to be left to grow (me and ex communicate by email or I pass messages to his partner).
she dropped DS back last week and he’s cut his hair into a crew cut without asking me.

Am I right to feel annoyed that he should have asked me? DS is in first year of school.

fucking hell are you serious???

This. Your permission is not needed. The kid has 2 parents, one of them is listening to him…

I pretty much let me children decide their own hair from the moment they could communicate. Most of the time they were unbothered either way but as they got older they had a strong preference. If my son wanted it cut short then I let him- surely your son is the only person who can decide how he wants his hair (obviously taking into account school rules and neatness).

Your son doesn’t want long hair. That’s what matters. Dad listened. You ignore him.

Theres your answer. Your son didn't like his long hair so dad listened and got it cut.
Id have a think that ex didn't contact you because he thought you might say no even though your son wanted it

Sounds like he asked his Dad for a short haircut because he hates it longer but knew you wouldn’t allow shorter. Which means you need to take a long look at yourself and step back a bit and listen to him. On the other hand, a crew cut is the other extreme so I can see you might be a bit cross about that.

Listen to what your son wants from now on.
Insisting he keeps his hair long because YOU like it that way despite him being bullied at school is utterly selfish on your part and a tad sadistic.

You haven't. I asked what would you have said if your sons Dad had asked you? Would you have been open to a constructive discussion or just said no?

You can feel that you have more of a say - but you don't.

No you haven't at all!

I asked if you checked with your ex when your son has needed a haircut in the past

You haven't answered mine. I asked if it wasn't just about the haircut but more of a control issue?

YABU.

Does that mean you also believe a working husband has final say over money if his wife is a sahm?

If he earns more than her if she does work does he get more of a say?

Should people who pay more tax get more of a say in how it’s spent?

My child’s been in their school longer than yours, is their opinion or thoughts more important than your child’s since mines been there longer? Knowing the teachers longer. Spent more time there.

no no no and no

And exactly the same to you’re but I have him more like his a possession. No.

So he probably told his dad he wanted a shorter hairstyle then if he's told you he doesn't like his long hair?is your son happy with the cut he's got now?

Honestly, thank God your son has his dad who listens to him - it's his hair and so long as he's not asking for anything ridiculous, then just let him have it how he wants. You need to realise that what has happened is ; your son has told his dad how people are teasing him, asked for it to be cut and his dad has kindly taken him out and paid for it. Take it as a great sign he's doing a good job. Perhaps think about your sons wants and needs too a little bit....

Your son has his hair 100% of the time. His hair, his opinion.

Well yes if he had long hair then some kids may tease and say like a Girl

so he wanted shorter hair to look like a boy and you object

Well there’s your answer! Your ex doesn’t want your DS bullied at school so he’s every right to do what your child needs to make sure that doesn’t happen.

He's 5 and he wants his hair cut. It's not up to you to decide. Can't understand why you would think your feelings about it are more important than your child's!

Time to listen to your son

Can you explain why you think a child’s hair needs to be coded according to biological sex in this way? You seem to think there is a moral dimension to this, which I find genuinely intriguing. What is actually the problem with a girl having one of the styles you have declared “not fine” for girls? Why is it wrong?

So you have dismissed your sons wishes, sounds like you are just point scoring with your ex, your poor child.

Worse than that, @Skybluepinky - she is denying the teasing/bullying that’s happening at school - so the poor lad is getting no back up from his mum to help him with a damaging situation at school. I know how hurtful it is to get no help or support from your mum for bullying at school - the bullying blighted my life, and the lack of support from mum permanently damaged my relationship with her.

Well, there you have it. His hair, his choice. Bullying can, and does, start at any age.

OP knows it's about control and nothing else.