DS’s dad cut his hair without asking me

[Minimelanie]

me and DS’s dad are separated. Never married. He works full time and has his son on the weekends.
we agreed a hair cut when DS started school and he paid. I told him how I wanted it to be and it turned out ok although I do prefer longer hair on him.
the cut was a mid length shaggy cut. I now want DS to grow his hair long again so I told ex’s partner I want it to be left to grow (me and ex communicate by email or I pass messages to his partner).
she dropped DS back last week and he’s cut his hair into a crew cut without asking me.

Am I right to feel annoyed that he should have asked me? DS is in first year of school.

Poor child.
Grow up.
Children get bullied for a lot less than long hair.

So you dismissed your childs concerns and kept him with a hair style that he did not want.

YOU are the problem not your boys father!

Errm but it does though. Some times it is really difficult to tell.

I have a daughter, with waist length hair.

Also 2 sons with short hair.

And 1 son who has long hair….because he wants long hair.

My god are we really still this behind as a species that short hair for boys and long hair for girls is the only option?

No wonder his dad took him for a haircut!

I don't understand your comment about being too young to get bullied
If others at school aren't saying he looks like a girl, he obviously thinks that himself and doesn't like it.

I’ve answered every question asked!

Do you realise how unreasonable you're being?

Do you realise how unreasonable you're being?

Your son should have the final say over his hair unless it breaches school policy. It wouldn’t be uncommon for a young boy to be bullied about having long hair. Did you speak to school about this?
My DS has long hair and has regularly been mistaken for a girl. He’s early teens and made the decision himself to grow it long.

Very true.

No, only if it is actually against the boy’s wishes or he is not given a choice.

And his father is the one paying for and arranging to get the haircut on his time, so maybe he gets a say in it too.

There are battles to be had about how to raise your son. This isn't even close to being one.

In future communicate your wishes directly to your son's father. I feel sorry for the stepmum.

He should have the final say in his own hair. As long as it's clean and he's not asking for a bleached mohawk or gang signs shaved into his head I don't really understand why you need "a say".

Sorry but that's totally wrong.

You choose to have a child with this man so you need to spend the next 18 years working together as a team to raise him.

You having him more of the time does NOT give you a bigger share of the vote.

Your son didn't like the long hair so his dad took him for a hair cut. Sounds sensible.

You sound very controlling. And 'too young to be bullied?' Are you for real?

Not at all, but if a prepubescent boy has long hair, he will be mistaken for a girl by many people. And prepubescent girls will be mistaken for a boy if they have short hair -like short back and sides...

Do you agree and admit that you have been wildly unreasonable then @Minimelanie ???

@Minimelanie - your son wanted shorter hair. Even if you don’t think your ex has as any right to choose your son’s hair style, surely you must see that your SON has every right to choose his own hairstyle - even if you don’t like it! It’s not as if he has dyed it bright pink or had it cut into a Mohawk - he has chosen a sensible hair style - and it is his hair.

Get a grip! He’s said he doesn’t like long hair and you must accept it. Sadly children can be bullied at any age, and not necessarily by class mates, but children futher up the school!

Good grief.

Thank god he has a sane dad.

He’s probably really glad his dad listens to him then!

Should’ve been discussed with you.

It's not your hair, it's his and he wants it short. You can do what you want with your hair.
So yes, YABU.
I hope you haven't let on to your son that you don't like his new haircut.

So - your son doesn't like having long hair, he has told you that he doesn't like having long hair, but because YOU like him to have long hair YOU insist he has to have long hair. Your son presumably told his dad he doesn't like having long hair so his dad took him to the hairdresser/barber and now your son has the short hair he prefers?

"Am I right to feel annoyed that he should have asked me? DS is in first year of school."
When you say "he should have asked me" - do you mean 'asked me for my permission'? Do you think you should have asked your son's dad for permission to have your/his son's hair long? Well - do you?

Your/his son didn't want to wear his hair long. I see no good reason for you to force your/his son to wear his hair in a style he doesn't like.