To ask friend how she will repay

[BigMommasHouse]

I have just been made to feel like a bad person!

over the last few years my friend has had a bad time with employment/relationships etc and got in to a bit of a debt hole with utilities bills, council tax etc. They have addressed this and put a lot of debt on Step Change.

There have been times when she has had no money for food, car insurance (to get to work) vets bills for her cat etc. she has no family and literally had no other options. I lent her money over the last few years when she was absolutely desperate. Clearly a loan to be repaid when she could.

Today she told me she has done a load of overtime and has enough money to go on a holiday.

She has also been buying a lot of stuff like new carpets and house plants and other non essential stuff.

I asked her today what the plan was to pay back some of this money. She made me feel like I was a bad person to ask saying that it was a terrible shock and she would have to go for a walk, didn’t want to fall out etc. I haven’t demanded the money back just asked for a plan or a picture of when I would be repaid. Made it clear that I didn’t want all the money at once.

I realise that lending money is a mine field but I genuinely thought I was doing a good thing for a friend who was at rock bottom.

Any advice on how to navigate this would be much appreciated

This.

OP asked to talk about a plan, not demanding payment there and then!

I think it’s worth trying to pursue a repayment plan, and ideally some repayments too!

However, sadly, I would also suggest not necessarily expecting to get much, if any, of it actually back.

Actually you now can.

Actually although a debt is not time limited as such the statute of limitations restricts taking legal action for the recovery of the debt to within six years of the last payment or if no repayment has commenced limited to six years since the loan was given. Twelve years if the debt was incurred through a mortgage deed.

This is also incorrect. Nothing needs to be in writing although it would be helpful for evidence purposes.

I suppose I should have said. Without a written contract you would have an uphill battle . The onus of proof is on the lender. The' borrower' could say they thought it was a gift or indeed that they didnt get the money. Without a paper trail , it would be difficult to prove. The other thing is that even if the outcome was favourable. You cant get 'blood out of a stone' The borrower could say she hadnt got the money. Or they would pay £1 a week.

She is a CF by trying to make you out to be a bad person, having to go for a walk such was her shock, not wanting to ‘fall out’. She’s already painting a particularly gaslighting picture of her assuming that this was a gift.

You won’t get the money back and in my VAST experience, no good deed goes unpunished. You’ll most likely have to write off the debt and the friendship. Sorry OP.

I don't know how good a friend she is without the money part of it, but there is likely zero chance she is going to pay you back. Never lend money to anyone unless you don't care whether or not you'll get it back.