Oblivious School Mum

[OverheardBreakup]

Could really use some advice as I’m trying to be tactful!

DS in year 1. I drop him off every morning at breakfast club at around 8ish. Last week we bumped into another classmate and his mum and the boys went into school together. The mum confided in me that her son ‘Simon’ had only recently started breakfast club and wasn’t enjoying it but he seemed to not be so upset going in with DS

The next day we bumped into them again and the boys went in together. Mum told me Simon hadn’t got upset that morning and was pleased to bump into my DS.

That evening DS told me he’d rather go in alone, he doesn’t really like Simon as he can be quite rough in the playground and he likes the chats we have on our walk in. So the next morning I purposefully left 15 mins later to go in.

Mum and Simon were stood waiting for us! Mum said she thought we’d never show up and was worried DS wasn’t coming in. Then suggested I use the class WhatsApp to let her know if we’re running late so they can adjust their timings too! I was a bit taken aback and said I have younger DS to drop off too so can’t guarantee what time I’ll be there. She said not to worry, they’d wait for us.

Last night I had an upset DS who is now saying HE doesn’t want to go to breakfast club as hates going in with Simon.

So I sent a message to the mum essentially saying while I appreciate Simon is struggling, we use our time walking to breakfast club as a bit of a mum/son chat and wondered if perhaps there were other class children who might want to walk in with Simon.

Cue message back saying how much Simon loves DS and she doesn’t think that’s necessary and perhaps I could park further away to have a little chat before we get to the bit where they’re waiting for us!! I explained I needed to get off to work straight after so that wasn’t possible. Didn’t get a reply.

Anyway, this morning they are there waiting again. I can feel DS tense up. I say good morning and go to walk past but Simon rushes after DS. Mum says loudly ‘now Simon, let them have their chats first and they then hover two steps behind us.

She unfortunately then went into the school office so I didn’t have a chance to speak to her but I’m now not sure what to do.

My DS has gone from a very happy boy skipping to school to dreading drop offs every morning.

Now, here’s the kicker…I am VERY concerned about keeping things polite as she is the head teachers wife and Simon is their son. She has form for kicking off at another class parent and I really don’t want to create an atmosphere at the school!

I’d be very tempted to say something on the WhatsApp group, but actually I wouldn’t even bother - which will mean nothing changes from how you left it, and also will probably secretly infuriate her! And you never know, someone else may get sucked in and feel sorry for her, thus lumbering themselves and getting you off the hook. Alternatively everyone might just ignore her witterings!

OP you are right, and your son is right. As everyone else I believe in kindness (and I see you do too) but what this mum is asking for is too much! Stick to your guns OP, and stick up for your son and your lovely one on one time. Simon’s mum will have to find another way to make Simon enjoy his morning walk.

I don't understand why the length of the walk matters... if its 1 minute or 1 hour the OPs son doesn't like this kid and doesn't want to walk with him so he doesn't have too! You're own child comes first. You shouldn't have to adjust your routine to avoid this woman. No means no. She is the one who needs to suck it up.... jesus christ

OP this is going to need another thread…..🤣

I didn't, I was trying to be clear. I think the difference is with mine rather than other people using CAPS is I did a long sentence, but thank you for trying to help.

I'm also going to change my user name. It's after an art work that gets my feminist side going, but I can see how people are assuming I'm male and think it's affecting replies on all threads!

Oh is it the man on the train? I love that picture!

Did she say everyone? No. Are you ok?

Oh look. Yet another subtle mental health snide dig. Are you OK. Typical Mumsnet yet again

Note how she's not reporting @latetothefisting for saying READ THE POST in caps.

Oh no. Am I next?

I think you are doing the right thing OP, make it clear now or it will possibly go on for years. It's not like it's year 6 with a few weeks to go. He doesn't like Simon, he has said why and the reasons are fair. He will get stuck with him all club and possibly all morning.
I don't think it's kind to pretend to be friends with a kid he doesn't like either, all that "besties" business will end badly one day if his mum forces or promotes it.

Maybe suggest Simon doesn't go anymore if he hates it so much. Or she has some empathy for the fact what her child wants doesn't take priority over what yours does and is making your son sad.

Where did I mention mental health? "Are you ok?" doesn't mean "Are you having a mental health crisis?"

Oh, sorry. Yes, I'm fine! Thanks for asking. Got tomorrow booked off work for a lovely long weekend.

Im with you, OP. My ds always struggled to settle into school and would kick up a fuss when I left him at drop off each morning. I initially dropped him off by driving close to his school, parking a few minutes away and walking the last bit. Then one day my car had to get some work done to it so I didn’t have it for a week. As a result we had to walk 20 mins to get to the school. As soon as we started walking each day, my ds went into school happily. Having that time 1:1 chatting and playing eye spy together for 20 mins each day made him relaxed and happy to be left at the door each morning. That time is precious to your ds as well so you’re right to protect it.

Also, he shouldn’t have to spend time with a child he doesn’t like. It’s odd that some posters think otherwise. If there is one thing I’ve taught my dc (as someone who is a people pleaser herself) it’s that you don’t always have to do what other people want to you to do. You can be polite about declining offers, or changing plans, but if you don’t want to do it then you don’t have to (within reason). My children are both much more assertive than I’ve ever been and I’m glad of it.

Right, sorry… boys got home, needed feeding and then little one had an accident so required a shower!

So, I asked DS how it was and he said the day was good but admitted that Simon is taking over breakfast-and DS hasn’t eaten anything at breakfast club since they stated walking in together!

Apparently Simon wolfs down his food while DS starts with some apple juice. Then Simon demands DS come and play with him in the library. It’s gone unnoticed by staff that DS hasn’t eaten breakfast the last few days. I found this out on the way home so I’m definitely having words tomorrow morning when I drop him off!

I did mention to the staff that he was having some issues the last few days and they commented that DS was a little teary when I got in so I gave a VERY polite summary and said he was just missing our chats but I’d sorted it.

I also saw 3/4 class parents at pick up. The WhatsApp group has TOTALLY ignored her WhatsApp and stated talking about half term clubs…so much so she resent it with ‘anyone??’ As a follow up.

I was asked if I knew anything about it and sort of shrugged which led to ex class rep to say that she had Simon put on her for an unplanned play date one Friday after school at the suggestion of mum who then dropped him off and left them to it. So it seems like she has form.

I think the parents seem to have the measure of her so I’m going to let the WhatsApp message die a death … but I will address the issues at breakfast club

Well done OP, you’ve handled the situation graciously.

Simon’s Mum sounds like an over bearing CF. I’d be tempted to reply politely to the WhatsApp message. The other Parents are probably well aware of what she is like.

The 7% of the Vote are probably overbearing CF, who think that their children can do no wrong and their needs come first.

Agree.

I think this woman has decided that having you and your son as Simon's little friend will be very convenient for her going forward. And that is why she is not taking no for an answer.

I've seen this before.
She was lining you up to say..
Simon loves walking in with your son... can I drop him off to you for xyz reason and you can all go in together...
Next she will find out what your son's after school activities/school parties are, "Would you mind getting Simon when you pick up your son?"

She has marked you out as her go to Mum back up... and of course she knows that once you've agreed to the walk to school... she can make the next request and it will be much harder for you to turn down. because you've already agreed to the first request, and this next one is just a little bit extra so why wouldn't you? It will grow and grow .

She's refused to listen to polite requests and tries to flatter you into it.
It's not friendship, its incredibly pushy and the awful attempt at shaming you in front of the other Mums highlights that.

She's def in the "give her an inch and she will take a mile category."

I would steer clear as much as possible before she considers you hooked.

You are doing the right thing op.
after all the replies I have read, I felt I needed to say that.

She’s going to be outraged and show her husband and he’s going to want to crawl into a hole and not go to work tomorrow

I wouldn't say a word in the WhatsApp group OP.

That way, you win.

You've said all there is to say to the mum and the matter is now closed.

Don't feed the drama. That's what she wants.

Just carry on now in the mornings with your son and ignore any further nonsense, in the WhatsApp group or otherwise. Ignore ignore ignore.

Well done for putting your DS first.

It not really a ‘kicker’. The best thing about this tale is the boy being called Simon tbh

What's the issue with Simon wolfing down food. He's five years old. He can eat food if he wants. Stop demonising a five year old child

So desperate to post this in the group chat as suggested…but I won’t!

Omg she is possessed! She’s not doing little Simon any favours…

He's not called Simon. That's just a name the OP gave him in inverted commas.

Read the rest of the para, FFS.