Oblivious School Mum

[OverheardBreakup]

Could really use some advice as I’m trying to be tactful!

DS in year 1. I drop him off every morning at breakfast club at around 8ish. Last week we bumped into another classmate and his mum and the boys went into school together. The mum confided in me that her son ‘Simon’ had only recently started breakfast club and wasn’t enjoying it but he seemed to not be so upset going in with DS

The next day we bumped into them again and the boys went in together. Mum told me Simon hadn’t got upset that morning and was pleased to bump into my DS.

That evening DS told me he’d rather go in alone, he doesn’t really like Simon as he can be quite rough in the playground and he likes the chats we have on our walk in. So the next morning I purposefully left 15 mins later to go in.

Mum and Simon were stood waiting for us! Mum said she thought we’d never show up and was worried DS wasn’t coming in. Then suggested I use the class WhatsApp to let her know if we’re running late so they can adjust their timings too! I was a bit taken aback and said I have younger DS to drop off too so can’t guarantee what time I’ll be there. She said not to worry, they’d wait for us.

Last night I had an upset DS who is now saying HE doesn’t want to go to breakfast club as hates going in with Simon.

So I sent a message to the mum essentially saying while I appreciate Simon is struggling, we use our time walking to breakfast club as a bit of a mum/son chat and wondered if perhaps there were other class children who might want to walk in with Simon.

Cue message back saying how much Simon loves DS and she doesn’t think that’s necessary and perhaps I could park further away to have a little chat before we get to the bit where they’re waiting for us!! I explained I needed to get off to work straight after so that wasn’t possible. Didn’t get a reply.

Anyway, this morning they are there waiting again. I can feel DS tense up. I say good morning and go to walk past but Simon rushes after DS. Mum says loudly ‘now Simon, let them have their chats first and they then hover two steps behind us.

She unfortunately then went into the school office so I didn’t have a chance to speak to her but I’m now not sure what to do.

My DS has gone from a very happy boy skipping to school to dreading drop offs every morning.

Now, here’s the kicker…I am VERY concerned about keeping things polite as she is the head teachers wife and Simon is their son. She has form for kicking off at another class parent and I really don’t want to create an atmosphere at the school!

yes she did in her post timed 10:26am

Yep, this is what she wrote:

They live the other side of the park so walk through it to get to school. Headteacher is in at crack of dawn every morning, breakfast club starts at 8am so mum walks him over then (she doesn't work).

She has mentioned it at least twice.

As I said earlier, @Comfortable8520 - Simon and his mum do not just want a polite few minutes walk to school. They want the OP’s son to be Simon’s best friend, and want Simon to be allowed to monopolise the other boy’s time - despite having hit him in the face, and having coerced him into playing a game and then tattling to the teacher to get the OP’s son in trouble when he played the game Simon wanted him to play!

You say you have not been in the position of having your child in tears at home, reluctant to go to school/breakfastclub because another child is insisting on monopolising your child on the walk to school, in breakfast club and at school - but surely you can try to put yourself into the OP’s position, and imagine how it would feel if your child was upset by another child - would you honestly ignore your child’s unhappiness and insist your child be polite and spend time with the other child? Would you say their behaviour was pathetic?

Where is the empathy towards an upset 5 year old who wants a few minutes one-on-one time with his mum?

Good for you op, I found it difficult to stand up to these kinds of pushy people so pleased you have done so for your son ❤️

You are not being unreasonable at all OP. Simons mother is a knob

She did. 10.26am. Get your facts right before correcting other people.

Actually I was thinking that one or two of the posters on this thread absolutely fit the mold of Simon's mum!

And how does she know that exactly? People can work from home. You keep your rude comments to yourself eh

Well quite @CloakedInGucci, most people seeing that WhatsApp to the group from “not naming names” are going to conclude she is the problem. There is no need to respond to the WhatsApp at all.

Back in the day when my DC were young this sort of attempt to choreograph children’s friendships however aggressive was always rooted in anxiety. Perhaps Simon is in the breakfast club because she is desperately trying to force him into friendships or isn’t coping in some way. I wondered if this is her first DC? I imagine she is in an anxious state and is in a potentially difficult position as the HT’s partner. Unfortunately she has gone down the wrong route with being so pushy and done herself no favours. Not @OverheardBreakup‘s problem of course.

I remember a similar parent at my DC’s school, trying to micromanage every interaction. Her DS was badly behaved because he was, I think, under enormous pressure to shore up his mother’s self esteem (by being popular and academically at the top of the pile, good at sport etc etc). As the years went on the DS went on to make lots of friends and was absolutely fine but I think he did sometimes miss out because other parents were so keen to avoid his mother who had made herself so unpopular with similar manipulation and attempts to divide and conquer. It all started with scenarios very similar to the OP. I wouldn’t add to the drama by responding as there’s a good chance you’re going to see her every day for years and in a few weeks time friendships among the children could have shifted and they will be best friends. Silence on WhatsApp and distant politeness is what’s called for now.

Yes exactly, this is what this distills down to. OP wants to protect her DC’s boundaries. The other mum and many posters on here are saying DC’s feelings don’t matter as much as the feelings of Simon. This is a terrible lesson to teach a child. We need to teach children how to protect own boundaries so that they will respect the boundaries of others. This is the lesson we need be teaching children from a young age, not “be kind”. Some posters think this incident is very insignificant, “it’s just 6 mins”, but small things can feel very big to children, especially to a 5yo.

And it’s quite possible to respect boundaries kindly and politely as the OP has done.

Hope the school parent vibe wasn't too weird OP!

That's completely hilarious - from one post people can automatically tell what other people have been through in their life - and if people don't agree - they are Simons mum. Pathetic

First it was OP didn't say Simon's mum doesn't work and now it's OP says Simon's mum doesn't work but it's just an assumption?

Honestly no idea how old your children are but I learnt my lesson with my son. I was always the people pleaser, feeling bad for other children and encourage my son to do the ‘right thing’ and chat to kids he wouldn’t otherwise want to and play with kids he didn’t like.
one day he got very upset with me and told me to stop agreeing to things on his behalf and he wanted a say on who he spent time with. He must have been about 8 at the time and I realised I hadn’t been taking into account his feelings at all. After that I made a concerted effort to ask who he wanted to interact with.
in the OP’s case once a week maybe would be tolerable but not every day. Those 6 minute walks across the park are honestly precious time that the OP’s son will remember and I can understand why he doesn’t want to give up those little moments to someone who he isn’t close to. My son wouldn’t even have wanted to walk with a friend.

People can go to breakfast clubs for all sorts of reasons - I would expect that they are there to be inclusive - not just there for working parents

What would I know though - I'm Simons mum!!!

I wouldn't be budging an inch now if I was OP because Simon's mum seems the type to want a mile and I'd be walking straight past her at drop offs in the mornings after her behaviour.

Just to quote you from one of your own post scottishgal

"Women should not be expected to tolerate behaviour that makes them feel uncomfortable on any level"

Just boys then? Just kids? Boundaries are only fair enforceable if they are yours.
OPs son spoke up and said he didn't like it. His mum listened. That in my eyes is a fantastic parent

I'm usually a big supporter of the "be kind" message, but there is no way I would accept that someone else's decide how I organise my morning school run, or who my child should be spending breakfast club with every single day.

It clearly goes beyond the walk through the park, particularly with the history of the child being so pushy with his friendships.

I say this as the mum of a child who tends to be quite pushy too. When he comes saying "X didn't want to play with me today", i just tell him that it's ok if other children want to do something different or play with other children, and they'll play together another time. The same way he doesn't want to play with his sister sometimes.

I completely agree that children should be nice and compromise sometimes (e.g. if it walking together once in a while), but there is no point pushing for a fake and forced friendship.

She probably put Simon in the breakfast club purely to help him make friends, which is probably why she’s been so pushy with you and your son. They both sound like they have poor social skills.

Of course they can.

In this case, OP needs the breakfast club to work for her son and for him to be happy to go because she uses it as a working parent. That is her priority, not Simon.

Oooh. Someone doesn't like being proved wrong. You said the OP hadn't said it, not that it wasn't true. Gotcha.

I am presuming that Simon’s mum had told @OverheardBreakup that she doesn’t work, @scottishgirl69.

Thats not the situation here though is it. This Wiman demanded messages and updates at 8 in the morning letting her where Op and her son are. She is a pushy CF and OP had to put a healthy distance between her family and this odd woman.

Shes obviously a complete weirdo! You got the vibe right from the start OP. The wet blankets telling you to suck it up need to stop being such enablers.

She already has a reputation in the group of Mums, the lack of response to her is so funny and telling too. Just ignore her. When you see her next just rudely blank her - she doesn't even deserve a courtesy "good morning" after trying to shame you like that!