Oblivious School Mum

[OverheardBreakup]

Could really use some advice as I’m trying to be tactful!

DS in year 1. I drop him off every morning at breakfast club at around 8ish. Last week we bumped into another classmate and his mum and the boys went into school together. The mum confided in me that her son ‘Simon’ had only recently started breakfast club and wasn’t enjoying it but he seemed to not be so upset going in with DS

The next day we bumped into them again and the boys went in together. Mum told me Simon hadn’t got upset that morning and was pleased to bump into my DS.

That evening DS told me he’d rather go in alone, he doesn’t really like Simon as he can be quite rough in the playground and he likes the chats we have on our walk in. So the next morning I purposefully left 15 mins later to go in.

Mum and Simon were stood waiting for us! Mum said she thought we’d never show up and was worried DS wasn’t coming in. Then suggested I use the class WhatsApp to let her know if we’re running late so they can adjust their timings too! I was a bit taken aback and said I have younger DS to drop off too so can’t guarantee what time I’ll be there. She said not to worry, they’d wait for us.

Last night I had an upset DS who is now saying HE doesn’t want to go to breakfast club as hates going in with Simon.

So I sent a message to the mum essentially saying while I appreciate Simon is struggling, we use our time walking to breakfast club as a bit of a mum/son chat and wondered if perhaps there were other class children who might want to walk in with Simon.

Cue message back saying how much Simon loves DS and she doesn’t think that’s necessary and perhaps I could park further away to have a little chat before we get to the bit where they’re waiting for us!! I explained I needed to get off to work straight after so that wasn’t possible. Didn’t get a reply.

Anyway, this morning they are there waiting again. I can feel DS tense up. I say good morning and go to walk past but Simon rushes after DS. Mum says loudly ‘now Simon, let them have their chats first and they then hover two steps behind us.

She unfortunately then went into the school office so I didn’t have a chance to speak to her but I’m now not sure what to do.

My DS has gone from a very happy boy skipping to school to dreading drop offs every morning.

Now, here’s the kicker…I am VERY concerned about keeping things polite as she is the head teachers wife and Simon is their son. She has form for kicking off at another class parent and I really don’t want to create an atmosphere at the school!

Right?! There's clear evidence of why "Simon" is having trouble making friends, but instead of helping him interact well with others, and make genuine friendships (not forced, one-sided "besties"), the mum is showing that boundaries don't matter, and if you make things awkward enough you can get your way. We've all met men who have grown up this way.......... Well done to the OP standing up for her kid.

I am starting to see who those people are who we all work with, who have been sent the same information several times by email and still reply asking questions that are IN THE EMAIL. And then call the person sending it Judy when it's signed Janet.

Well if she wasn’t a little unhinged and seems wouldn't take a polite no and didn’t say that ops’s son should compromise aka not be happy just so her son was happy

then there wouldn’t be a thread

tmaybe the heads wife needs to be told her behaviour is totally insane

What I actually meant, is that they have choices about where Simon goes to school. And I don’t think going to your parent’s school is in anyone’s interests. Although it is weird to use breakfast club if you don’t work.

READ THE POST

I literally said he SHOULDN'T have to give up his quality walking time

OP was specifically querying why people who (from the way she initially described the situation in her first post, before she then clarified there was also a walk to school involved) only thought the issue was about the 2 boys meeting at the school gate, walking across the yard to breakfast club and entering the club together, after which they could hang out with whoever they wanted, so a grand total of about 30 seconds in Simon's company, didn't think THAT was a big deal.

If his parents continue to pander to him and role model coercive behaviour, where getting your way is seen as a right and being a victim is the solution to not getting what you fancy, Simon could end up pestering girls in a few years.

Best if his strange mother stops the 'poor Simon' rhetoric, or he will also turn to manipulative tactics as a way to get what he wants. Without learning healthy ways to cope with rejection or disappointment, Simon might well end up in incel spaces online.

😂

Bloody hell Op, some of the replies to this!

I’m with you 100% on this, why should your DS (& to some extent, you) have a friendship forced upon you?!
We all have to go through life meeting people who we don’t click with, and yes we can be polite and say hello, but this woman is pushy because it’s suits her and her DS. She doesn’t want a quick hello and a hand wave across the street. She wants you to alter your routine to suit her, honestly if it wasn’t so annoying it would be comical.

I knew a Mum like this, always pushed her child forward, they were a pain in the arse, mean to other kids, over confident (think helping themselves to your child’s snacks), Mum even called another parent to arrange a play date, but instead of inviting the child to her house, she was self inviting her child to their other parents house!.
The child would annoy the other kids then cry to the teacher they were left out.
I avoided all contact, was polite if I had to speak but entered into no conversations at all. Some people are very entitled and pray on other people’s kindness or awkwardness at situations like this.

You did the right thing messaging

Don't shout at people in caps lock and tell them they don't know how to parent - reporting you. You are bang out of order

Whose texts were rude? The Mother of Simon who told the OP off for being late for the walk and suggesting OP messages her to say she is running late for an arrangement she had not made and then put the debacle on a WhatsApp group? Or the OP for politely explaining she wasn't able to walk with Simon and his Mom to walk with her son alone? Don't forget that there is a history with Simon and OPs son when Simon was too much for him?

Seems to me that Simons Mum is too pushy and she isn't going to help her son by forcing others to be with him?

I think OP has been very gentle with this odd woman. I'd have said that my son doesn't want to be friends with your son; that's it, so back off.

Sorry Sophie, I feel like I've made myself quite clear about this now and would appreciate it if you respect my boundaries. It's nothing personal but this is the routine that works best for us as a family and obviously that has to be my priority.

She's so insanely pushy and emotionally manipulative, I can't really see an outcome that doesn't end in her not speaking to you to be honest.

I think there are a lot of Simon's Mums with little Simons in this thread, to be honest.

Don't assume that everyone on this thread will have kids

Sophie?

Insert name of your choice?

Given some of the replies it’s very clear that some posters have never parented a 5yo

I was talking about the head teachers wife, not the poster. Unless she is the same person.

And I wasn't shouting, I used CAPS to be clear as nothing else is working.

Sometimes some people just don't want to her the polite truth because it doesn't suit them and they think they can railroad you into doing what they want. People like that will never accepted subtilty unless its to their advantage and with the benefit of hindsight, she should have said just what you have suggested....but she would have kicked off anyway.

It's her way or suffer being derided by her. Putting it in a WhatApp group saying you won't name the person but knowing that person is in that WhatsApp group is very inflammatory and bitchy.

Can you take your son in earlier?

Maybe he put each letter individually into a capital letter. LIKE THIS. You can do it if your caps lock button is broken.

pp is clearly saying that Simon's mum doesn't know how to parent because she thinks OP's child is a solution to her problem.

What is with the lack of reading comprehension on this thread?

This will be my only reply to you but your attempts at rage baiting are really embarrassing and pathetic. I think your ilk would have better success elsewhere. It's a bit cringey on a place like Mumsnet :)

this has been explained