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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be a Stay at Home Dad

191 replies

Flashman · 15/06/2008 19:15

It is something that the DW has floated into conversation - She likes the idea that rather than nursery I quit work to look after "Pinky". Now my first reaction has been to say No. Not because I think it is "woman" work or anything like that - just because I really think I would go mad being at home, and think it must be fucking hard work. She is not too keen on nursery. However it is not really a choice her quitting work.

OP posts:
SmugColditz · 16/06/2008 13:19

Never take the moral high ground with a woman who has just had a baby. She will disembowel you then scream at you for leaving a mess on the floor.

Flamesparrow · 16/06/2008 13:21

@ the shoes.

Sod you being a SAHD - you will be lucky to be alive

Original poster
Flashman · 16/06/2008 13:22

Choosy - I was thinking wire them to a 9v battery - give them a little shock when they cry - soon be sorted.

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anniemac · 16/06/2008 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MrsTittleMouse · 16/06/2008 13:24

Just to counter Aitch we had one of the babies who needed constant attention and care and never slept. It isn't always easy! But she is completely right that the only way that you'll know what kind of baby you'll have, or how you'll feel about the care, is to wait until he/she is here and you're both looking after him/her.

DaDaDa · 16/06/2008 13:25

Yep, wait and see. My DW was definitely going back after 6 months (highflyer); she took a year instead and works 4 days. I was thinking of being a SAHD because we worried DS settle at the childminders; he now loves it.

claireybee · 16/06/2008 13:27

MrsBumblebee DS is exactly the same, have barely sat down since he was born(well other than the thankfully v frequent feeds that allow me to MN)! Perhaps Flashman should get a wii fit to use instead of the playstation-the movement required should keep even the most high needs baby quiet

DaDaDa · 16/06/2008 13:28

Daft move with the shoes btw. I'd hide all those boys toys if I were you, as there may well be revenge on her mind soon...

TheFallenMadonna · 16/06/2008 13:29

DH tried it for a bit. Wasn't for him though. And sadly not a sustainable long term financial option for us. I do it now, and I do enjoy it. Because it isn't really hard work, and I can do other stuff I enjoy too. The reason it didn't work for DH was because the other stuff he likes to do is incompatible with small children. Like playing with engines and using ridiculous power tools.

Original poster
Flashman · 16/06/2008 13:31

DaDaDa - Well it does not seem the smartest move now - but at the time it was. But I stand by I was right - she was not wearing them - and some of them she had not worn for years!!

OP posts:
AitchTwoCiao · 16/06/2008 14:06

oh dear, oh dear, flashman...

cestlavie · 16/06/2008 14:15

Flashman, all I can say, my friend, is that you'd better pray to sweet God that she finds they're missing before the kid is born and not six weeks in when she's semi-crazed from lack of sleep or I suspect that the "stay at home" dilemma will pale into insignificance next to the "where's my bollocks" dilemma...

Original poster
Flashman · 16/06/2008 14:20

I am counting that she will just not have the energy. I will tell her that I was RIGHT to do it, and she is being unreasonable now!!! You don't think she will see that I am being logical

OP posts:
Flamesparrow · 16/06/2008 14:27

It depends if you find her displaying your bollocks on the mantelpiece as reasonable really

MrsBumblebee · 16/06/2008 14:28

For what it's worth, Flashman, I'm with you. I have never understood the female obsession with shoes. Anything that she hasn't worn in over a year is clearly superfluous to requirements.

Original poster
Flashman · 16/06/2008 14:29

Oh and the bollocks have gone - she took them years ago!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Flashman · 16/06/2008 14:34

One interesting point is a pair of snow shoes she brought in Canada - She has not worn them once in the 13 years I have know her - they have been moved into two different houses now - I say everytime I am going to throw them - this year she actually said she might need them at the end of the year in case in snow and she wants to take Pinky out - I have said WTF - they are going but I have not dared to get rid of these as I know if we get a slight dusting of snow she is waiting to rub my nose in it - so this time I have just done it.

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ManhattanMama · 16/06/2008 14:35

Hi Flashman - I'd definitely say wait and see how you both feel when the baby gets here. I was working on convincing DH that I should become a SAHM but after 3 months looking after DS I was desperate to get back to work and wishing I hadn't begged work for 3 months unpaid leave!

Some babies are easy and a delight to be around all day (bring on the Playstation), whereas others (like DS) are blardy hard work. He's been sick for over a week now so DH and I are taking it in turns to stay home to look after him - I swear going to work is easier.

I honestly believe that if one parents is insistent on baby not being looked after by anyone else, then THEY should be the one to stay home. A nursery has to be better than an unwilling parent doing the childcare.

cestlavie · 16/06/2008 14:36

Oops, you are of course correct. If there is one thing that the insanely sleep-deprived respond to it's calm, cool logic...!

thebecster · 16/06/2008 14:43

We pondered whether DH should be SAHD, or go PT when I was pg, because I earned a lot more than him, so it all seemed very logical while it was just theory. Then when DS was born DH looked after DS a few times while I popped to the shop, walked around the block or whatever. A few times when I came back DH was a wreck, and on more than one occasion handed DS to me, held at arm's length with the words 'Take him - please! He's doing my head in!'. So that was a clue for us that he wasn't really SAHD material... I have gradually scaled back my work since I enjoy being with DS so much, and while DH enjoys time with him too he needs to know what time I'll be back. DS goes to nursery part time, but more because he loves it than anything. I'm supposed to be working at the moment - that's a sign of how un-career focussed I've become It's a big change from what I used to be like.

EustaciaVye · 16/06/2008 17:12

at the shoe purge. you may find yourself unable to work as you will be on incapacity benefit soon.

ScottishMummy · 17/06/2008 13:16

i'm not with this many shoes thang.dont get it.i have work shoes,trainers,fancy im going somewhere shoes,converse canvas. thats it

silvercrown · 18/06/2008 18:41

Nice idea but you have to really want to stay home and do it and it needs to be financially possible. If you don't really want to do it then you wouldn't be happy at home (like some mothers) then try and keep working. If it makes more sense financially for you to stay home then I suppose it's different. Some mothers stay at home simply because it makes more sense financially. There are alot more dads choosing to stay home now though - there are alot of dads at the school gates where I live so you wouldn't be on your own if that's what worries you.

Judy1234 · 18/06/2008 19:10

I went back when the babies were abotu 2 weeks old to full time work and we had a deal that if the day nanny didn't work out their fatehr woudl look after them as he earns less but it never came to that. It is boring and not very rewarding being a home. It's low grade domestic work and most men and women don't enjoy it so I would continue to work if you prefer.

Original poster
Flashman · 18/06/2008 19:57

still alive - not noticed that the shoes have gone.

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