Taking 3 year old daughter into Men’s Toilets

[dadtobe22]

I just wanted a sense check here as had a horrible experience earlier.

I’m looking after my 3 year old daughter today. Took her to the zoo this morning and headed to a Toby Carvery for lunch. We were having a lovely day.

On arrival I needed to use the toilet so popped upstairs to the gents and I stood at the end urinal and told my 3 year old daughter to stand next to me by the wall.

A bloke walked in and started huffing and puffing and had a massive pop at me asking if I had “no sense” bringing a little girl into the men’s toilets. I explained I was looking after her on my own today, I couldn’t take her into the women’s and I wasn’t prepared to leave her outside.

At this point he started squaring up to me telling me I was wrong. If I’d stood up to him any further he’d have probably gone for me. I was just thinking about keeping myself and my daughter safe at this point.

I walked away and walked back down towards the restaurant. I go to sit down with my daughter and he makes a menacing bee line for me, raising his voice in the whole restaurant telling me I was wrong and how I’d made him feel uncomfortable. He also started making protestations to staff. He seemed really triggered.

Again I just walked away and took a seat in a quiet corner of the bar away from the main restaurant.

The staff were sympathetic in tone but didn’t offer any explicit support (probably because they were a bit scared of this mad bloke which I
don't blame them for. I think they were just trying to keep the peace).

Was I unreasonable to take my 3 year old daughter into the men’s toilets? I’ve been doing this since she was born and have never had a problem or complaint. I would get it if she was 8 and could wait outside by herself but she’s 3?!

It’s definitely made me re think what I do in the future in this situation.

No, of course that is the correct place to take your child to the toilet.

You met a bastard.

You should have used a disabled toilet imo.Not appropriate for your daughter to risk seeing random men's nobs.

Perhaps you should have gone into a cubicle, but otherwise what else were you supposed to do. The guys a knob.

He sounds mad.

But I would have probably gone into a cubicle with her, rather than stand her next to a urinal.

Couldn't you have at least used a cubicle?

You should probably have taken her into a cubicle, but the man was wrong to be so rude to you.

No, although DH used a cubicle in that situation (or indeed if she needed the toilet when they were out without me) before she was old enough to wait outside.

I would have taken her into the disabled toilet or into a cubicle. I wouldn’t risk her seeing naked men, sorry 😳

Nope you were in exactly the right place and can keep taking her till she’s old enough to go into the ladies alone or wait for you outside. Spare a thought for those caring for opposite sex disabled children. As far as I can work out they are not supposed to function out and about at all.

Being a father isn’t a disability.

Using a cubicle would have probably been more appropriate but he did nothing wrong.

You were in the right place but a cubicle would have been better.

Of course it's fine. The guy was just a dickhead.

I think it would be better to take your daughter into the disabled/baby-changing toilet or, if that is unavailable, the cubicle in the men's. The man you met was unnecessarily aggressive but I can see his point about not wanting a strange little girl watching him pee.

The only thing you could do differently is take her into a cubicle.

I suspect you are looking for a different answer though.

Why wouldn't you go in a cubicle? DH always did with DD.

My husband has taken our two girls into men’s toilets plenty when he’s out with them, it’s the only choice a lot of the time, but he does take them into a cubicle.

I know it isn't a disability but it is a private space with no risks

There are no risks to going into the toilets with her dad.

The disabled toilets shouldn’t be a go to for everyone.

The criminally insane man you encountered was a lunatic and I'm sorry you went through that. He should have been promptly thrown out of the restaurant by the staff and you should have received an apology.

Regarding your little daughter and the toilets situation, I think it's really tricky. I liked the above poster who suggested using the disabled toilet. That seems like a great solution for the future.

I think if an option for availability of a separate disabled person's toilet is limited, you could take her into the men's toilets but use the cubicle and not the urinal? That way I'm thinking you could lock the door and prevent both her witnessing other men relieving themselves AND avoid embarrassing or making the men feel uncomfortable by her presence.

I haven't got a child, nor am I a man. However I hope that makes sense?

No, it's not appropriate to use a disabled toilet if you don't need to use one.

A accompanied small girl in a gent's toilet is fine.

<Edit wrong post quoted for some reason>

I wouldn’t want my three year old stood at the urinals.

Why not take her into a cubicle?

He shouldn’t have been aggressive but it’s fine that he felt uncomfortable.

I mean the risk of her seeing a man's genitals while walking in or out

He didn't need to feel uncomfortable, he could've just waited for a second. That said if there was a disabled loo available (they normally have the changing table in) dh would've used that to help dd feel less uncomfortable.

Much better to risk a disabled person soiling themselves because someone is using the disabled toilet when they don’t need to.

in most places there is ONE toilet anyone with a disability to access (and often it doesn’t even meet the needs of a lot of disabled people) please don’t use it if you don’t need it.

But that is what the disabled toilet is actually for ? If my husband is out with our disabled daughter that’s what he’d do .