Taking 3 year old daughter into Men’s Toilets

[dadtobe22]

I just wanted a sense check here as had a horrible experience earlier.

I’m looking after my 3 year old daughter today. Took her to the zoo this morning and headed to a Toby Carvery for lunch. We were having a lovely day.

On arrival I needed to use the toilet so popped upstairs to the gents and I stood at the end urinal and told my 3 year old daughter to stand next to me by the wall.

A bloke walked in and started huffing and puffing and had a massive pop at me asking if I had “no sense” bringing a little girl into the men’s toilets. I explained I was looking after her on my own today, I couldn’t take her into the women’s and I wasn’t prepared to leave her outside.

At this point he started squaring up to me telling me I was wrong. If I’d stood up to him any further he’d have probably gone for me. I was just thinking about keeping myself and my daughter safe at this point.

I walked away and walked back down towards the restaurant. I go to sit down with my daughter and he makes a menacing bee line for me, raising his voice in the whole restaurant telling me I was wrong and how I’d made him feel uncomfortable. He also started making protestations to staff. He seemed really triggered.

Again I just walked away and took a seat in a quiet corner of the bar away from the main restaurant.

The staff were sympathetic in tone but didn’t offer any explicit support (probably because they were a bit scared of this mad bloke which I
don't blame them for. I think they were just trying to keep the peace).

Was I unreasonable to take my 3 year old daughter into the men’s toilets? I’ve been doing this since she was born and have never had a problem or complaint. I would get it if she was 8 and could wait outside by herself but she’s 3?!

It’s definitely made me re think what I do in the future in this situation.

No idea, but it's set up so the mum is the default parent which is shit for both sexes.

When mine were little, often the changing facilities were in the ladies. That is getting better but you still see it

Have you ever seen a cubicle in an average mens toilet? They are dreadful usually even in the best establishments its like they never get cleaned.

You were right, he was a cunt

Women take their young boys into women’s toilets and changing rooms out of necessity and it’s not generally questioned. That guy is a red flag.

Civilised world occupied by reasonable people:
OP checks if toilet empty, if so, goes in.
Another man arrives. OP says "Sorry she's here, mate, I'm on my own with her"
Second man replies "No worries mate. I'll wait till you go".
What is wrong with (some) men that something this basic is beyond them?

He might be looking for all and any answers discussing this interesting mise-en-scène.

Correct choice, but use a cubicle.
My DH always used to carry DD in and hide her eyes as he walked through or something.

But you don't usually need baby change for a 3yo. At any rate, she didn't need the toilet herself - she was only going in with her dad as she's too little to leave outside on her own.

Public toilets are designed around what adults and older children need according to their sex, and little ones just fall in and go in to the ladies' with their mums or in to the gents' with their dads - it's always been that way. The standard setup with cubicles in the ladies' is for the benefit of women; they aren't placed there solely to provide privacy for a small child in with their mum, although that can obviously be a beneficial side-effect.

His reaction sounds unhinged, he went too far. But...mens toilets are not the place for a wee girl, cubicles or disabled loos would be best in this scenario.

Presumably a large part of that is that, in the women's toilets, only a very small proportion of cubicle use is for somebody having a poo - especially considering that so many women have issues with pooing in public toilets and will deliberately avoid doing so.

In the men's toilets, virtually every use of a cubicle will be for a poo - and there is often only one or two cubicles in there to 'spread the load' (as it were) - because most visits will be for a wee and thus most users will just use the urinals... thus of course the average men's cubicle will be considerably dirtier and smellier than the average women's cubicle as the day goes on, before somebody comes in to clean them.

You were perfectly sensible.

You met a nut job, and staff who’ve learnt that the best way for a quiet life is to keep quiet and keep people who are falling out apart.

And the many preachy comments about how you should have used a cubicle, clear aren’t familiar with what the cubicles in gents are often like.

Between you and the wall, swift and straight forward. Please don’t let it out you off going out with you and your daughter again.

I don’t think you did anything wrong.

as someone upthread said, it would be very unlikely your DD would see a man’s penis…… but even if she did accidentally, what do posters think is going to happen, her eyes will fall out??

If random man didn’t want to pee in front of your DD then HE should have went in the cubicle.

Cubicle yes
Disabled no

You should have took her to a cubicle or asked if there was a parent and child room available

your DD would see a man’s penis

is the sort of content some will travel to this thread and have fun with

FFS no.

Disabled toilets are for, y'know, people with actual disabilities.

Ok fair enough, but sometimes it's the only space that works for people with prams or multiple small children. Baby change is usually in there which makes it a place parents tend to use. People with disabilities should always have priority of disabled loos though.

If for example the cubicles were too tight for space for a grown man + child, it's really the only option. Lots of Edinburgh cubicles you could not fit two people in and use the loo.

To be fair, they’re often labelled accessible toilets, which I assumed (perhaps incorrectly?) meant they were for anyone who’d struggle in a normal cubicle, eg people with prams, multiple young children, etc., not just people with disabilities.

This situation was so stressful - from no baby change in the men’s room on up through until my kids were old enough to use the toilet on their own. There’s honestly no great answer so what you did is as good as anything else.

Massively unreasonable, use the disabled loo. Out of interest, what is her mum's opinion on this? I would not be impressed

I would have used the disabled toilet instead.

When I work I would rather open the door and let this child into a disabled toilet than let her go into the mens. So much nicer.

Fascinating that some think a toddler with her dad in the loos is apparently ’seeing mens knobs’, but it’s fine for the naked bike ride to expose themselves in front of many many toddlers, children and women.

Cubicle yes
Disabled no

It astonishes me the number of people who think the disabled toilets are for anyone. Shocking

I wouldn't be happy if my DH had done this with our DD at 3. You should have used the disabled toilet. If there wasn't one (Im sure there would have been), then you should have taken her into a cubicle with you. It is not appropriate to use a urinal with your 3 year old DD stood next to it! I

think the man behaved unreasonably as he shouldn't have shouted at you but he was completely correct - your actions made him feel uncomfortable & your decision to take her in there was wrong. Please don't do it again