Taking 3 year old daughter into Men’s Toilets

[dadtobe22]

I just wanted a sense check here as had a horrible experience earlier.

I’m looking after my 3 year old daughter today. Took her to the zoo this morning and headed to a Toby Carvery for lunch. We were having a lovely day.

On arrival I needed to use the toilet so popped upstairs to the gents and I stood at the end urinal and told my 3 year old daughter to stand next to me by the wall.

A bloke walked in and started huffing and puffing and had a massive pop at me asking if I had “no sense” bringing a little girl into the men’s toilets. I explained I was looking after her on my own today, I couldn’t take her into the women’s and I wasn’t prepared to leave her outside.

At this point he started squaring up to me telling me I was wrong. If I’d stood up to him any further he’d have probably gone for me. I was just thinking about keeping myself and my daughter safe at this point.

I walked away and walked back down towards the restaurant. I go to sit down with my daughter and he makes a menacing bee line for me, raising his voice in the whole restaurant telling me I was wrong and how I’d made him feel uncomfortable. He also started making protestations to staff. He seemed really triggered.

Again I just walked away and took a seat in a quiet corner of the bar away from the main restaurant.

The staff were sympathetic in tone but didn’t offer any explicit support (probably because they were a bit scared of this mad bloke which I
don't blame them for. I think they were just trying to keep the peace).

Was I unreasonable to take my 3 year old daughter into the men’s toilets? I’ve been doing this since she was born and have never had a problem or complaint. I would get it if she was 8 and could wait outside by herself but she’s 3?!

It’s definitely made me re think what I do in the future in this situation.

Do people really bring their toddlers to watch the naked bike ride?

Possibly fewer than you think?

Pub cubicles are often not the best option as often dirty. Better to leave a kid by the wash basin and quickly use the urinal.

No, they aren't for people who just find it a bit easier to use. My disabled mum, for example, who needs both adaptations to use a toiled and often can't wait around for someone to fanny about in one just because they have too many shopping bags.

There is already a problem with a lack of accessible toilets for people who actually need them even when only those who actually need them make use of them.

Cubicle would have been the best option op. But yes the guy was way over the top.

Weird that the OP hasn't commented at all after the first post.....

Legally, anyone can use a disabled toilet.

So?

Your point being? That disabled people need more legal protection? If so, I couldn't agree more

If you're suggesting use them as no legal consequences then I think you're absolutely in the wrong

No, I'm just saying if this man wanted to he technically could nip in to the disabled toilet with his daughter

But he shouldn't. They are for disabled people.

Im not sure what you think happens in mens toilets?

I asked my partner, and in his 40 years of using mens toilets he has never seen a penis other than his own.

The guy was obviously strange. Probably should have used a cubicle for everyones sake though.

OP not been back?

Nope

Another shit and run

He may have been correct (or just lying) that the childs presence made him uncomfortable, but he had two far superior options - use a cubicle, or fuck off outside and wait.

He instead chose to berate the parent in front of his small child!

I remember being taken into the men’s by my dad when I was little. He used to take us swimming regularly and obviously used the men’s.

i don’t recall seeing any naked men or anyone other than my dad use the toilet.

i presume most men with manners would have the courtesy to notice a wee girl and duck out until they’d finished. I know dh wouldn’t use the toilet if a child was there, he’d wait a couple of minutes until they’d left. I’ve done it when I’ve seen women with older boys in toilets, i wait outside until they’d left leave. For their privacy and mine.

he was just rude.

Disabled toilets are not default mixed sex toilets.

Right, daughter in bed so finally in a position to respond. Keep your hair on those that are calling me out for not replying back straightaway.

The consensus seems to be that I should have used a cubicle or disabled toilet. Fair enough. Not nice hearing you’ve done the wrong thing but gotta take the feedback on board.

I hadn’t considered using a single cubicle when with my daughter as they’re normally filthy and very tight for space (especially when carrying a big bag). Maybe I should do that in future and tell her not to touch anything.

There seems to be some hysteria about the danger of my daughter seeing men’s knobs. In my experience at least you only ever see the backs of men. No one is flashing it about. And she’s not stood there staring. Just stood behind me.

Consensus is very split on the use of disabled toilets. Next thing will be I use that and get a load of abuse for not being disabled. So you can’t win.

You didn't do the wrong thing, you could have just done something better with a cubicle.

Hope she still enjoyed her day out with you

In the men's toilets, virtually every use of a cubicle will be for a poo

err no... think football match with umpteen urinals and only two cubicles but a queue of literally 100s outside. Nobody does a poo at a football match if they can avoid it. The traps are used as urinals and you have heard the phrase sprinkle when you tinkle! Shy men use the traps as urinals.

You know how guys who are really homophobic and vocal about how uncomfortable gay men make them feel? ... I think the same about men who are really vocal about how uncomfortable little children make them feel.

That’s a bit of a reach…
I don’t think a bloke not wanting to have a piss in front of a three year old girl is necessarily dodgy?
It would make normal men cringe, surely?

Don’t come on a women’s forum asking for opinions then start kicking off and using the word hysteria on here OP.

Having cleaned toilets in the past, I agree that the cubicle in the men's is often beyond disgusting.

So complain, complain and complain again. The state of men's toilets is for men to solve, most women wouldn't think twice about bringing dirty toilets to the attention of staff.

Every single place I went to when my DS was in a buggy that had a parent and child room never once had a toilet in. It makes no fucking sense to not put a toilet in with the baby change. This kind of situation wouldn't happen if they just did that. When I needed to go I had to use the disabled toilet because my pram wouldn't fit in the ladies toilets cubicles

Use a cubicle next time.

Your use of the word “hysteria” is very telling, OP. I’m surprised you asked women for their opinions at all.