Taking 3 year old daughter into Men’s Toilets

[dadtobe22]

I just wanted a sense check here as had a horrible experience earlier.

I’m looking after my 3 year old daughter today. Took her to the zoo this morning and headed to a Toby Carvery for lunch. We were having a lovely day.

On arrival I needed to use the toilet so popped upstairs to the gents and I stood at the end urinal and told my 3 year old daughter to stand next to me by the wall.

A bloke walked in and started huffing and puffing and had a massive pop at me asking if I had “no sense” bringing a little girl into the men’s toilets. I explained I was looking after her on my own today, I couldn’t take her into the women’s and I wasn’t prepared to leave her outside.

At this point he started squaring up to me telling me I was wrong. If I’d stood up to him any further he’d have probably gone for me. I was just thinking about keeping myself and my daughter safe at this point.

I walked away and walked back down towards the restaurant. I go to sit down with my daughter and he makes a menacing bee line for me, raising his voice in the whole restaurant telling me I was wrong and how I’d made him feel uncomfortable. He also started making protestations to staff. He seemed really triggered.

Again I just walked away and took a seat in a quiet corner of the bar away from the main restaurant.

The staff were sympathetic in tone but didn’t offer any explicit support (probably because they were a bit scared of this mad bloke which I
don't blame them for. I think they were just trying to keep the peace).

Was I unreasonable to take my 3 year old daughter into the men’s toilets? I’ve been doing this since she was born and have never had a problem or complaint. I would get it if she was 8 and could wait outside by herself but she’s 3?!

It’s definitely made me re think what I do in the future in this situation.

Absolutely not. Done this all the time with kids. Better than trying to walk into the women’s loo.

you met a total Pratt. Ignore and you did the right thing avoiding a fight with the kids. Hopefully they choked on a bone.

I'm sure people would understand if you used the Disabled toilet & explained why you chose that over taking your young DD into the Men's. There's a bit of a difference taking a little boy into the ladies as they use cubicles so won't see anything at all whereas a little girl in the Men's may get a glimps of something you'd rather they didn't.

I appreciate that it would save the dd upset to avoid potential angry unreasonable man, but you may very well cause upset by using the facilities designed for disabled people by holding them up. The number of toilets for each type of user and cleaning and refreshing cycles are based on the expected number of disabled users not disabled plus those who don’t like their own facilities.

About a year and a half ago I was in a department store with my then 2 yr old DD, I was heading into the toilet corridor, the disabled and baby change were locked but the toilet next to it had a picture of a ‘person’ and child. I naively thought it was another baby/kids change room and thought I would have a look to see if I could go in. I was navigating my buggy towards the door when a man behind me started shouting ‘you can’t go in the men’s toilet!’, he kept shouting it and then pushed past me. I then realised it was the actual men’s toilet (which I would have myself and turned round anyway) but when he came back out he continued that I was trying to get in the men’s toilet and I’m not allowed (not sure why he thought a woman with a young child would want to go in a men’s toilet) I know it’s not the same but your post reminded me of it so much! (Strangely the women’s toilet only has a picture of a woman on it and no child!)

Actually no, if you take a moment to read the comments you'll find that we'd really rather not have to take our chances with even MORE people using a very limited facility purely for convenience.

The disabled accessible toilets are for those with disabilities, we fought for them, and the system works entirely on good will and trust that people will not misuse them.

That system is failing - THAT is why they are so often locked and that forces disabled people to go, like little children, to find a grown up to ask for permission to use the fucking toilet.

Consider that for a moment please. Having to find someone and ask to use the toilet every fucking time. Yes, we can have our own RADAR keys... stores and pubs really don't like that, as they can't easily monitor and control who is using them, and so they fit the lock the wrong way round so it can still be opened with their key whilst someone is actually in there. So not only do we have to ask permission to access the toilets, but we risk someone with their own key opening it or, if we used our key, someone using the businesses key.. and walking in on us.

Worth keeping in mind, any time you use such a key that lets you override the 'engaged' sign, you stand a chance of you and your kid seeing someone bent over having their arse wiped, fiddling with a bag of shit, fiddling with a catheter, cleaning up blood off everywhere.... those are just examples personal to me/my friends.

Small children will not die/burst into flames/be traumatised for life if they see a tiny glimpse of a strangers willy. The chances are minimal to non-existant. Small children go to the toilet that matches the parent they are with until old enough to go to the toilet by themselves with a parent waiting outside/wait outside whilst a parent uses the toilet.

If you're so worried about a child ever catching a glimpse of opposite-sex genitals (extremely unlikely with men using urinals, as they face the wall to do the necessary and adjust themselves) - in an everyday context of using the toilet and nothing sexual whatsoever - then presumably you would expect a mum taking her young son into a cubicle in the ladies' toilet to force him to stand perfectly still and facing rhe door until she's finished?

How do parents navigate the questions when little ones naturally ask what the differences are between boys and girls? Do they just blush and say that it's just about different clothes and hair length and there are no other differences at all?

The fact that men use their genitals for a secondary 'adult' purpose is of no interest or relevance to small children; whereas learning that having a wee is a basic everyday human function that we all do IS something very relevant to them; I can't believe there are some people who seem determined to sexualise having a wee.

Before long, the men's toilets are going to be the cleanest and least-used by a very long way.

What with all the people encouraging men who identify as women to use the women's and fathers with small DDs to use the women's, and also all the mothers who insist on taking their teenaged sons in to the women's with them rather than ever let them use the feared men's toilets alone...

Then non-disabled people are desperate to give away the disabled toilets to parents with small children and/or prams, those with multiple children, people who prefer not to queue and anybody else who fancies using the extra space as a convenience rather than as a necessity.

Maybe men's toilets should be routinely viewed as VIP facilities - possibly with special passes given sparingly to allow a select privileged few to use them, rather thsn the women's and disabled toilets that are there for the masses to use as a default free-for-all.

Have you ever met small children? If you think they have no interest in genitals (their own and others) you’d be quite wrong.
Most of them find them hilarious, and would comment loudly in that situation.

Indeed; but a tiny girl shouting up about willies when she's in the gents' with her dad is hardly going to harm or upset anybody, is it?

Kids find genitals hilarious because they find wee and poo hilarious too. It isn't going to enter their heads for a second that a willy is anything other than what a man or boy has for going wee-wees!

They're more likely to do that if in a cubical with their father (announcing to the room that Daddy has a small willy) than if he is using the urinals, from which they're far less likely to cop an eyefull.

Not being a man myself I can’t say for sure but I wouldn’t want to be stood at a urinal with my penis out and a young girl be stood next to me - they really do pack urinals into bathrooms spaces (don’t ask me how I know I just know!) and so you really are stood very close to each other when using them - it’s a TC so I doubt the cubicle was that dirty
im a single parent of 3 - in a TC once a lovely staff member once watched the kids when I needed the loo rather than drag them all with me

This

But the little girl very obviously wasn't using a urinal!

A 3 year old who has probably seen her dad weeing at home is hardly going to be bothered by seeing a couple more dicks doing what they’re there for.

And it’s knobs, with a K.
A nob is an upper class person, often of the PITA variety.

Why would she see knobs (not nobs)? Do you think men walk around the loos with them hanging out?!

Some mens toilets are dire, and she could still see inappropriate things walking past urinals on way in.
Also there might not be much space in the cubicle.
DH has always used disabled toilets with our DDs.They aren't just for that purpose anyway, as they also have baby changing facilities.

Please DON'T use disabled toilets for this. One big aspect of many disabilities is an inability to hold urine and sometimes faeces well. Another aspect is often being unable to recognise the need for the toilet until late on due to faulty neurological signals from the bladder/bowels to the brain, or difficulty in recognising these signals or communicating them to a carer. Many people do not have a choice of which toilet to use because a mobility aid or being an adult/much older child with an opposite sex carer, which means they cannot use any other toilet. Obviously if the changing station is in the disabled toilet then parents don't have a choice, but otherwise if your child is young enough to need to have you with them, they can go in the opposite sex toilet, so take them there. Often there will only be one disabled toilet when there are many others, adding every young child with an opposite sex carer to this queue, makes the disabled toilets inaccessible for those who have no other choice,

I think this would make sense if you change disabled toilet to the more appropriate and correct term..........accessible toilet.