Taking 3 year old daughter into Men’s Toilets

[dadtobe22]

I just wanted a sense check here as had a horrible experience earlier.

I’m looking after my 3 year old daughter today. Took her to the zoo this morning and headed to a Toby Carvery for lunch. We were having a lovely day.

On arrival I needed to use the toilet so popped upstairs to the gents and I stood at the end urinal and told my 3 year old daughter to stand next to me by the wall.

A bloke walked in and started huffing and puffing and had a massive pop at me asking if I had “no sense” bringing a little girl into the men’s toilets. I explained I was looking after her on my own today, I couldn’t take her into the women’s and I wasn’t prepared to leave her outside.

At this point he started squaring up to me telling me I was wrong. If I’d stood up to him any further he’d have probably gone for me. I was just thinking about keeping myself and my daughter safe at this point.

I walked away and walked back down towards the restaurant. I go to sit down with my daughter and he makes a menacing bee line for me, raising his voice in the whole restaurant telling me I was wrong and how I’d made him feel uncomfortable. He also started making protestations to staff. He seemed really triggered.

Again I just walked away and took a seat in a quiet corner of the bar away from the main restaurant.

The staff were sympathetic in tone but didn’t offer any explicit support (probably because they were a bit scared of this mad bloke which I
don't blame them for. I think they were just trying to keep the peace).

Was I unreasonable to take my 3 year old daughter into the men’s toilets? I’ve been doing this since she was born and have never had a problem or complaint. I would get it if she was 8 and could wait outside by herself but she’s 3?!

It’s definitely made me re think what I do in the future in this situation.

Yeah a normal bloke would wait a minute till they left or use a cubicle. A normal bloke doesn't start shouting at another man who's peeing while his daughter is there nor does he chase him through a restaurant making a scene. That's an irrational reaction.

No, I’m not excusing how the guy behaved, my response was to your weird post.

Wtf?

Why oh why didn't you use the disabled toilet?!!

Maybe I should have used the word concern rather than hysteria. That’s what I meant. Clumsy word choice.

Because I’m not disabled? And it was locked and I have no radar key.

That's your opinion

You didn't do anything wrong. I would have took her into the cubical instead but equally if he was uncomfortable he could have gone into a cubical instead of having a go at a parent just trying to have a wee.

But you're daughter isnt male either, so you're happy to bend the rules when it suits.

It's about the lesser of two evils.

I would never ever ever do this to a girl

I’m a mother of daughters and grandmother of small boys. You absolutely should have gone into a cubicle, your DD could stand facing the with her back to you. A girl should not be standing by a urinal, regardless of whether it’s her father (or other male caregiver) peeing in it.

The man who had a go at you was wrong to be so aggressively unpleasant to you. What a horrible situation for your little girl to witness.

No it’s a fact. They are the one facility disabled people can access. Sadly too many people take the piss and think it’s some sort of free for all meaning those who need it suffer.

I think the use of the word 'hysteria' here is absolutely on the fucking nail when it comes to the concept of a small child seeing a brief glimpse of a tiny amount of strangers knob.

@dadtobe22

Assuming you placed your child appropriately so she wasn’t getting pissed on by you or anyone else - you were spot on.

As Scandinavia very effectively demonstrates, passing glimpses of strangers genitalia isn’t a threat to child.

The hygiene standards in most men’s cubicles are.

🤔

👏but then we all now this - how come OP doen'st have that common sense? I hope this has been an education to him.

And I'm right

Thanks for the support. I agree.

I guess part of this debate boils down to whether you see a big difference between a Dad accompanying his 3 year old son and his 3 year old daughter into the Mens toilets.

Should the 3 year old boys also be encouraged to stand in a tiny, filthy cubicle whilst their Dad pees or is it OK for them to stand behind their Dads at the urinals?

I have never really drawn a distinction at this age. To me they are just 3 year old children.

Obviously this changes when they get a bit older.

If you’ve ever been in a men’s toilets as o/p says they’re very often extremely grim. I would not take a child in one.

child is better standing somewhere her dad can see her away from the toilet and aside from the urinals.

other men just need to wait outside until the wee girl comes out. Or use the cubical themselves. No big deal.

No difference taking a 3 year old girl vs a 3 year old boy into the toilets.

Male toilets are not for girls.

How much older?

When they are young and out with their dad then it's fine. They are perfectly safe

Disabled toilets are for disabled people only

Male toilets are for males, just as disabled toilets are for disabled people.

You bend the rules one way, I bend them the other. Personal choice. You judge me, I judge you. You can't stop me.

Use the accessible toilet.

You're right, I can't stop you. But I can judge you

What harm will come to a young child in the gents with their dad?