School mum asking to borrow money

[DunnockMam]

Back when our children were at Nursery (they are in year 2 now) there was a mum I got on with well and our children were good friends, although she is one of the people that seems to be quite self involved and drains your energy after spending much time together. She’s always been scatty and it was difficult to organise anything with her.

As the children have grown they are no longer friends (which is a long story in itself) and so I don’t see her much either. However, she has also split with her partner and while it seemed like a pretty shit situation she is CONSTANTLY asking to borrow money! She can’t take no for an answer and doesn’t seem to get the hint every time we’ve said no politely. I now ignore her messages but when I do that she will message my husband or ask us face to face if she sees us around. Although I have sympathy - she seems to be a bit of a mess and is obviously not coping well after their split (probably 18 months ago) it is really stating to grate when we weren’t that friendly in the first place. I don’t mind small favours etc but I do draw the line at this.

At this point I’m wondering whether to slyly speak to school about it? Like if things are that bad for them should the school know.. or is that really shitty of me.

I agree to tell the school it could be a safeguarding matter and always better to be over-cautious when it comes to those who are vulnerable (children). The woman asked the lady to watch her child all half-term and is constantly inappropriately asking for money- she could have a drug or gambling issue by the sound of it.

IT IS NOT out of spite and a child's school is the first point of contact pre-escalation. The school may actually be able to HELP the mother (and inadvertently the child). As another postee said safeguarding is everyones responsibility and it is in these types of scenarios where parts of a puzzle get missed, because people don't want to make a fuss. Financial hardship and/or neglect seriously impact children. The mother's behaviour is not ordinary, the OP isn't suggesting she's abusive but there are causes for concern.

If there is NOTHING wrong at home-THEN IN THE LEAST the mother can have some support-no-one is gonna take her freaking children away if theres nothing there-they may be able to direct her to some support !! It is ALWAYS better to be overly cautious. Thats what nearly all serious case-reviews find- no-one wanted to say anything because they felt there concerns were over-the-top or irrelevant.

Citizens Advice will help her sort out her finances and manage any debts. Is she asking any other mums at the school for money? I would just firmly tell her you don’t lend money and please don’t ask me again and tell her about the CA.

I understand your frustration. I have a friend who keeps asking to borrow money almost every single week. They have had a lot of bad things happen in the past year and are still struggling, but the constant asking is getting annoying. I finally told them, honestly and respectfully, that their constant need to borrow money is clearly an indicator of some deeper issues, and by me constantly giving in, I am just enabling the problem, so I will not do it anymore. I also suggested that they look at financial help and advice, and sent them some links. Sometimes people need to learn to help themselves. Perhaps if you frame it in the sense, that it's not that you don't want to help, but that by constantly lending her money, you are exacerbating her problem, and by constantly borrowing (does she pay it back?) she is making it worse for herself in the long run, maybe she will listen?