Will dr’s give me DD medical records

[Funparsnip]

DD is 15, she went to the doctors yesterday but won’t tell me why. I’m waiting for the morning rush to die down and then will ring the surgery and ask. If the receptionist can’t tell me, can I do a request for her medical records seeing as she’s a minor and I’m her parent? I only found out by accident so now I’m wondering how many other times she’s gone and not told me! Very very tempted to read her diary but that would be an invasion of her privacy.

You sound controlling rather than supportive.

I’d absolutely be reading that diary, as would most parents, no matter how trendy they claim to be in here.

Also, do you monitor her mobile phone?

I did a subject access request last week for something for my 13 year old. I had to give her signed consent, which they followed up.and she gave verbal consent. By 15 I was independent in accessing GP and taking responsibility for my health.

YABU for using this many exclamation marks

Waiting for the post in a few years wondering why your daughter has gone no contact with you.

I can only assume this is how OP also comes across irl.

Maybe those “trendy” parents wouldn’t have to read the diary, because they’d have the trusting relationship that meant their daughter might have shared with them in the first place

Nope. When I had my children added to my NHS app they just did the 10 year old, but the 13 year old had to confirm he was happy with this and that he could ask them to remove it at any time. If he doesn't, it'll be removed at 16 anyway (although i assume there's a way to keep it for children with learning disabilities etc who can't manage it themselves).

I think the biggest issue is why doesnt she feel like she can tell you what the issue is.

No. I am so n NHS online and have both my kids doctors notes linked to my account. My son is 11 and that was done automatically no questions. My daughter is 14 and they had to contact her and ask her to give permission before linking hers. She was more than happy to 'I don't care mum I would tell you anyway and can you just manage it for me please?'. If she doesn't want you to though you don't have the right to at that age.

The only time I can see an invasion of privacy like this is an option is if there is a concern for her life. Assuming it's not, not a chance will you or should you read her diary or try and get hold of her medical records. Focus your energies on creating a safe, non-judgmental space for your daughter to talk openly with you - great if she chooses to but also fine if she doesn't.

And regardless, be thankful that whatever it is, she is actually seeking professional help and not ignoring the problem/relying on Dr Google.

Interesting that your first response is to wonder if you can see her medical records, rather than to think about the reasons why your daughter might not want to tell you and to think about what you can do to be a trusted adult.

I'm beginning to see why your DD wouldn't tell you!

If she is Gillick competent then no you can't. And that's absolutely a good thing. You don't have the right to their records from 12 years old. It's good that she feels she can access medical help and would assume it is either for help with disordered eating, skin problems or birth control. Good for her for looking after herself.

She probably wants the pill and thats none of your business.

I’d definitely be reading her diary. I often (secretly) looked at my children’s diaries while they were teenagers.

Gross. My mum was like you. We don’t speak much these days.

And have you had therapy to try and understand why you have no understanding of boundaries?

My mother was a bit like you - wanted to know EVERYTHING about me. It resulted in me shutting her out, never confiding in her and ensuring I kept my own counsel. It took till my 30’s for her to accept my boundaries and I know it was hard for her but it didn’t have to be that way…

Don’t ruin your relationship with your daughter.

I didn’t tell my mother anything. My ‘ children’ (40, 31 and 28x2) tell me everything. I think it disgusting that you would even think about reading a diary.

DD is 15; OP has some chance to salvage a relationship with her.

Reading her diary (and doing what with the information?) is going to irrevocably destroy it.

That’s such an unbelievably shit thing to do. Would you like someone to go through your personal belongings and ready your thoughts?

Just becuase we gave birth to our children, it doesn’t mean we own them or are owed access to every part of them.

No you can’t

Wow.. I'd hate to have such an interfering and invading mother. That's one of the lowest things you can do is 'secretly' reading a teenagers private diary.

absolutely no excuses whatsoever.

I love that everyone on here is remarkably relaxed about a 15 year old girl (possibly) getting contraception/the morning after pill/is pregnant even though she's legally underage.