Will dr’s give me DD medical records

[Funparsnip]

DD is 15, she went to the doctors yesterday but won’t tell me why. I’m waiting for the morning rush to die down and then will ring the surgery and ask. If the receptionist can’t tell me, can I do a request for her medical records seeing as she’s a minor and I’m her parent? I only found out by accident so now I’m wondering how many other times she’s gone and not told me! Very very tempted to read her diary but that would be an invasion of her privacy.

I'm a GP. This is perfectly normal practice. If a child is over age 12 they are presumed to have gillick competency meaning they are presumed to have the ability to make decisions for themselves and weigh up the pros and cons. It's then their choice what they share with who.

What I can assure you is that if I treated a child under 16 without their parent I would be making extra sure that they had said competence, I would be strongly encouraging them to discuss any issues with their parents or at least a trusted adult particularly if it was sensitive or contraception based. I would also be extra sensitive to any safeguarding issues (eg if she told me she had a much older partner or hinted even a little bit towards an abusive partner) and I would be quicker to alert other services about mental health concerns if I didn't feel she was getting the protection at home.

I can see why you're concerned OP but it is what it is. Children this age are and should be learning to navigate the world indpendently and should be given that freedom and discretion. If your dd is not keen to discuss things I wouldn't go prying I'd be making sure that she knows that she has a safe space to confide in anything with you. That's all you can do really. If you push harder and make this about your bruised ego then she will only hide things more.

Nope. Not a chance without her consent to access them and I am sure she will not give permission

What a nasty and invasive thing to do, and how strange that you have come here to boast about it

No is the simple answer to that

People are relaxed because none of us have any idea why DD has actually gone to the doctor. Easy to be relaxed about a hypothetical situation.

(My DD went on the pill to alleviate bad period pain; I was very relaxed about this. Should I not have been?).

Well, I did.

Morning after pill at 15, then on the contraceptive pill.

It happens. Not ideal, I was hardly some teenage tearaway, it was with a boy from my church group! Model teenagers - apart from when we were up to no good in the vicarage store cupboard while helping to set up W.I classes.

I’ve been there, so I get it. My children though, can talk to me about things. And they don’t have to find small ways to rebel against a super religious background, which has helped immensely.

Except that since no one knows what the reason is it could also be a lump somewhere, a weird pain, MH, someone abusing her, worrying about spots/acne, a ganglion, verrucas, warts, her nose, a twitchy eye…

It could be anything, that’s the point.

It might be something, it might be nothing, it might be somewhere in between. Maybe she doesn’t want to worry her mum. Maybe she just wants to ask a question about her own body, in private.

And she’s allowed to do that.

OP please try again to talk to your daughter, explain gently that you care and you want to ensure everything is going ok in her life, if she has a boyfriend and they are having sex, tell her if she went to the doctor's for contraception, you are proud of her for being sensible and mature, and as embarrassing as it might be for her, tell you she can tell you anything at any time even if it's about relationships etc. But gently advise her that if she went to the doctor about something else i.e. her mental health you would like her to know again you are here for her no matter what and it would be helpful if you knew just so you can help if need be, but no pressure and you respect her privacy.

No you can’t

If you were my Mum, and I was being sensible and organised enough to seek medical support or treatment when I thought I needed it and you did this it would seriously damage our relationship for many years to come.

You are her Mum and she has chosen not to share this with you. Think about why that night be. She already doesn't feel she can trust you with her situation, you'll just make things worse.

I hope to god the surgery have enough decency to trust her and not tell you.

Your reaction is the reason why she is not telling you.

You cant.

At our GP Surgery parents cant access records over the age of 11.

Completely agree. My mum acted like she owned me and went through my things, opened my post, read my diary and didn't think there was anything wrong with doing so. I stopped telling her anything, not because I had dark secrets but because I was so sick of not being allowed to keep anything to myself. It's a really damaging way to conduct a relationship that should have trust and confidence at its heart.

Lighthearted note - when I realised she was reading my diary I wrote in the next entry "SHUT THIS AT ONCE YOU NOSY COW". Rather than being embarrassed though, she told me off for being rude!

No you can't. The GP is permitted to make the judgement that she can have privacy and would have assessed any safeguarding concerns. You are not entitled to see her records just because she's 15.

Ugh.

Reading her diary is an invasion of her privacy but requesting her medical records isnt??

I'm assuming you just want someone to tell you you should read the diary?

For goodness sake just speak to her

It's far better than a 15 year old NOT getting access to emergency contraception when she thinks she needs it.

Hold up. Talk with her. You might have made assumptions which could be right, could be wrong. She needs to hear from you "I'm glad that you're getting support and advice for whatever it is that you went to the Doctors about, you should always seek help when you're worried about something. I understand that you want to keep it private but I am here for you."

You can still have a chat with her about contraception whether or not that's what the appointment was for. I've got teen boys and we've had that chat. Also at 15, the talks about consent and sharing images are really important too - regardless of what she's been to the doctors about.

It could have been a mental health concern, she needs to hear from you that you love her, that you respect her and you're there for her. It could've been drugs or alcohol or sexual health or whatever. If she's gone without you and doesn't want to tell you or talk with you I guess she's embarrassed, stressed or feels she can't trust you.

I've seen your post about not wanting to hear if you SHOULD but if you CAN. You can google the legalities of that: Information for under-16s on parents and guardians accessing your doctor's services - NHS

Surely at 15 you just assume she is or thinking of becoming sexually active and wanting to discuss going on the pill.

The thing is that even if you were successful in obtaining her records from the doctor, she would be less likely to seek medical attention when she needs it as she has no privacy.

I completely appreciate you’re worried but do you want to risk her no longer getting medical help when she needs it?

That would be a waste of NHS resources and a breech of your daughter's trust.

She is perfectly entitled to visit the doctor without telling you the reason why. Why can't you be supportive and caring then maybe she'll want to tell you. Rather than trying to extract the information from the NHS via a long winded official process.

This exactly, its not "trendy" to give your child privacy.

OP sounds controlling, no wonder the girl doesnt confide in her

Thanks to all of you mentioning Gillick. I was scrabbling round the dusty recesses of my brain but couldn't find it.

OP, I suggest you apologise to your daughter and try and build some trust.

I'm a GP - I wouldn't break a 15 year old's confidentiality unless there was a good reason to do so (e.g. safeguarding). Why do you need to know?

Rage bait 🙄