Is DH being inconsiderate about Valentine’s Day?

[naturesbuds]

I’m feeling a bit thrown today and would love some perspective.
My husband of 17 years asked me this morning, “Have you got anything planned for Valentine’s Day? My sister is inviting us for dinner.”
Now… a few things about this:
His sister is single.
It is Valentine’s Day. Even though we both agree it can feel commercialised, it’s still a day we usually spend together in some way.
Saturdays are normally a family day anyway — we take our son to archery and I was thinking we could make a nice family day of it afterwards.
So I guess what’s bothering me is how casually he asked. It felt like he didn’t stop to consider the day or how it might come across. I’m not expecting roses and candlelight every year, but it would have been nice if he’d thought before saying, “My sister is asking what we’re doing Saturday.”
It just felt a bit inconsiderate and… I don’t know… almost nonchalant about a day we’d normally spend together.
Is it right to feel a bit hurt? Or am I reading too much into this?
Would you say anything to him or just let it go?

Dinner with SIL is nice though, OP. Do you want her to spend the night alone? It’s lovely she wants to cook and spend time with two of her favourite people (I’m guessing it is you two).

Huh?
He asked u a question all u had to say was it's valentines day, its Saturday, it's family day. I think u are being overly sensitive over a question.

Yeah, it can be depressing when you have a partner and it becomes just another day but in fairness to your partner, you haven't arranged anything have you, so its a bit of a double standard really?

Couldn't give a shit about v day
Not even realised I hadn't got a card yet best get on to that

Wouldn’t bother me an iota. I’ve been with my husband for 15 years!

Totally this!

I can’t see what your DH has done wrong. My nephew has invited himself and his new girlfriend round for tea on Saturday so I’m going to make a nice meal for the two of them. Because it’s Valentine’s Day and they’re 14.

I haven’t even told DH, never mind asked him his opinion.

I can't see anything your DH has done wrong. He asked if you had planned anything and informed you of a possible plan.

Always irritated by Valentine’s Day even when I was young and dating. It’s the least romantic day if your partner just obeys the Hallmark whistle. Buy me flowers any other day mate.

YABVVVVU

@naturesbuds If she hasn't much to do, why can't she look after your DS - maybe a sleepover (assuming he's young enough to need a babysitter) while you and DH have some, y'know, adult time with no kid?

That's what I'd suggest and wait for him to splutter a bit...

Why didn’t you say i’d like us to have a meal at home after DC is asleep if you want to do that. He did ask you. Guess he thinks it’s not a big deal but if it is to you, then say so.

If you're not a teenager in love
Valentine's day is a load of pish.

Is she a good cook? If so, get in there.

Well I would say VD is three days away and it doesn’t sound like you’ve planned anything special. So there’s no harm in him asking is there? After 17 years it’s a bit silly to be hurt. Just say yes or no and move on.

For context DH and I are repairing the shed on VD, as it needs doing and it’s the day it’s not raining. And it’s his birthday. But I look at the whole 365 not just one day.

I didn't know it was Valentines day on Saturday. I assumed it was yesterday due to all the guff on TV and here.

I'm single. Longterm. I could have well said to my brother - fancy popping over Saturday?
He'll have been thrown in a tizz by that not wanting to mention my single status and how he'd word it to the Oh.

I would have been oblivious 🤣

We don’t do anything for valentines, but at the same time, we wouldn’t spend it with others. Bit unusual asking a couple over for valentines when you’re single

He's a man - enough said.

Wouldn't bother me unless I was already feeling sensitive about our relationship. If Valentine's Day isn't a big thing for you (it's not for us), I wouldn't mind that phrasing or the idea of doing something with his single sister. If we usually made a point of having a romantic night alone every Valentine's Day, then I might feel hurt if he was so casual about breaking with tradition.

When he asked, why didn't you just say what you'd like to do? You've already said you've agreed it's too commercialised, so maybe he's not placing much importance on the date. But it you'd prefer to spend it as a family or wanted to be wined and dined, you could have just told him so. Nobody - and perhaps especially men - can be expected to mind read!

You both think the day is commercialised, been together 17 years and have a child you will be spending the day with. I don't really see how he has been inconsiderate in your situation. I don't know any long term couples who care all that much for valentines day. It seems that you weren't bothered either until your DH suggested dinner with his sister.

@naturesbuds

your sister in law is family so it would still be a family day

I can't believe couples celebrate this. Another commercialised day made to make people spend money they could use for something better. I mean do you need valentines day to do something special for your spouse, don't you do date nights every now and then. Seriously the sooner the 14th comes and goes the better.

This - it's just commercialised.

This is such a weird take. Yes, of course married couples with children celebrate all of those extremely popular occasions. Why wouldn’t they? And “where does it end”?! It doesn’t end. It comes around every year, until you die.