WWYD? School Incident.

[ciscowife]

DS (13) is a weekly boarder. Last night he texted me “can you come and get me”. I tried to call him a number of times to see what was the matter. I decided to phone the boarding house as this is out of character for him. Was told there had been an incident and he was very upset. Drove to collect him immediately without knowing what had happened. He was in an absolute state when I got there.
He had been dragged into a bedroom by a Y13 and Y10 pinned to the bed, wrapped up in a blanket so he couldn’t move and then threatened with being water boarded, and having various liquids and things shoved in his mouth. Luckily they were interrupted by the lady who was on duty. She knocked on the door and opened it to tell them something, DS shouted for help and managed to get away but he was then chased by them. He tried to run away from the school to get away from them.
The school dealt with it quickly and we had late phone calls with deputy head followed by meetings today. The two boys have been suspended for the rest of this week which basically means they are getting an extended half term break.
We feel that this isn’t acceptable punishment because it could have been an awful outcome. Some friends who are either in boarding/teaching have said that this should be a police matter and the council safeguarding team should be informed.
So WWYD oh wise mums in the net!

Don't send him back OP, no way can he go back there. He's really at risk partly because the school seems to have a terrible view of what safeguarding means, so bullying like this sounds like its become institutionalised. And also obviously because of the vicious bullying. God only knows what else goes on there.

Police.
Definitely report to the police ASAP
I think you'll have to remove him from the school for his safety
He'll also need therapy
Jesus Christ 😡

I havent read the whole thread @ciscowife but Get.Him.Out.Of.There. Now. I'm sorry to be so emphatic - I'm going to pm you, but we have had a similar experience and a psychiatrist instructed me NOT to send DS back even for one day.

It aaaaalll still goes on. All of the horrendous stuff we've heard about the King, etc. They decide who they're going to go for and if you're one of them you are fucked. DS didn't tell us the extent of it until we got him out of there.

Private schools cover all sorts up as they don’t want to loose money aka students! They’re mainly bothered about money and don’t always have the pupils best interests at heart.

I wouldn’t be happy with the school at all. I’ve heard some shocking things about violence in boarding schools from people my own age but I thought kids got away with much less these days. Exclusion isn’t a real punishment, as you say it’s just a holiday! I would make it clear to school I’m taking it extremely seriously because it’s not just a little scrap, it sounds twisted! Hope your son is not too shaken up and has friends to support him at school

And me too, no way would I return my child to that school.

Is he in boarding out of necessity? If not, I’d be removing him. They can’t keep him safe. What if she hadn’t arrived? He must be traumatised.

I know it’s hard, but our job is to keep our kids safe. A 13yr old needs their parents still, he needs to be living at home. This is a prime example of just one of a myriad of things that could happen to a child whilst sleeping in a care facility away from family.

They should be expelled, not suspended. I’d also be contacting the police regarding assault. This needs to be taken extremely seriously in order to help your son feel validated and supported. Poor boy.

This is so sad. I'm so sorry to hear your Son has been a victim too, I hope he is doing well now xx

Exactly. They’re driven by profits. Under no circumstances would I be believing a word they say over this or expecting them to act proportionately. It’s in their interests to sweep this under the carpet.

I agree the suspension will be no holiday for them. But I would still feel anxious sending DS back without having something more substantive in place than a "try better" punishment.

I would want to know what measures the school are taking to keep DS safe.

Well done to him for contacting you: many wouldn't.

For those mentioning LADO, not sure relevant as schools report to them not individuals.

I can’t believe you had to call them to find this out!! I wouldn’t be sending my child back there, I hope he’s ok.

Parents would be horrified if they knew how unsafe boarders can be in some schools, safeguarding is often a joke. I suspect the person who interrupted their torture session was a gap year student (lots of boarding schools employ them), they won’t have been much older than the perpetrators, and certainly not capable of controlling them.

Keep your ds home, report to the police, and only send him back (strictly as a day pupil not boarder!) if those boys are expelled. Although I would be looking for a new school (day school).

I would inform the school that you don't feel 4 days extra school holidays a 4 day exclusion is fair in the circumstances.
That they continued to chase your DS after an adult had intervened shows these boys have a lack of respect.

I'd also inform them that based on that you'll be getting in touch with the school governors and phoning the police to report the incident.
If you choose to keep your DS at this school you'll need to be assured and feel reassured that once these boys have returned to school what measures will the school have in place to make sure that there isn't a repeat of the incident.

Some schools feel that if they are seen to dish out some type of discipline parents will be happy, its not good enough, it's up to you to speak up for your DS and show in this particular case due to the severity of the incident you're not settling for it.

This is assault and a matter for the police ?

Must have been a horrible experience, but maybe that's just one ofthe outcomes of boarding school.

Sounds more like bullying to me. Should be dealt with by school not police.

Are you… blaming the parents and the victim here?

Burner phones (everyone). All kinds of porn, day and night, because no one is taking their phone off them because they all have replacement phones. Or sometimes just hand in the phone case and a quick glance at the safe/cupboard as they're counted in doesn't allow you to see that Jonny's phone isn't actually in there. No escape from the bullying (because if you're at a day school you at least get to go home). Teachers shagging each other, biding their time with the long days as they wait for the long holidays to come round; keeping an eye on their investment homes whilst they live free in school, but rarely (although of course there are exceptions) give a monkeys about the kids.

Kids really egging each other on because that's all they have, there's nothing to temper the behaviour, so it all gets a bit Lord of the Flies.

This will not apply to every child in every boarding school, and of course if it's the right school for the right child it has every chance of going well (if someone just wants to play rugby day and night and they're at a rugby school, I'm sure things are great). But if the fit isn't right, very damaging indeed.

No. This is too serious an assault for that.

bollocks it is - police all the way.

A 17 year old boy and a 15 year old boy, restrained a 13 year old on a bed and were trying to shove things in his mouth, but it is not assault - are you JOKING?!

I have a child at a boarding school as well they recently had an incident and did actually call the police in. A previous incident had been brushed under the carpet but unfortunately for school the victims parents were police who made it quite clear where things would go if not dealt with. I would say you will r portion yourself, give them 24 hours and see what happens.

The school's policy will be minimise, minimise, minimise. You will know your son, mine keeps things to himself and didn't say the extent of it until things were really quite bad.

Your poor son. He must have been terrified. How brilliant that he knew that he could always call you and you would act and advocate for him immediately.

Pull him out of tat school and bring him home. Send him to a local school where he can sleep at home safely each night.