WWYD? School Incident.

[ciscowife]

DS (13) is a weekly boarder. Last night he texted me “can you come and get me”. I tried to call him a number of times to see what was the matter. I decided to phone the boarding house as this is out of character for him. Was told there had been an incident and he was very upset. Drove to collect him immediately without knowing what had happened. He was in an absolute state when I got there.
He had been dragged into a bedroom by a Y13 and Y10 pinned to the bed, wrapped up in a blanket so he couldn’t move and then threatened with being water boarded, and having various liquids and things shoved in his mouth. Luckily they were interrupted by the lady who was on duty. She knocked on the door and opened it to tell them something, DS shouted for help and managed to get away but he was then chased by them. He tried to run away from the school to get away from them.
The school dealt with it quickly and we had late phone calls with deputy head followed by meetings today. The two boys have been suspended for the rest of this week which basically means they are getting an extended half term break.
We feel that this isn’t acceptable punishment because it could have been an awful outcome. Some friends who are either in boarding/teaching have said that this should be a police matter and the council safeguarding team should be informed.
So WWYD oh wise mums in the net!

This is not bullying. He has been physically assaulted. The boys need arresting.

Retired teacher here.
Absolutely shocking and terrifying for your son.
Where is the safeguarding policy?
This is a matter of urgency to get this matter investigated with the school and possibly outside agencies.
I really wouldn't want him anywhere near that school again.

OP I have children at boarding school - please ignore those choosing to judge boarding. This is a severe incident, I would be speaking to the police tonight and to the headmaster as well. These children should be expelled or if not permanently gated and excluded from house, continuing only as day pupils to complete the latest exams - anything else and the school are failing to safeguard your son. I would also be telling other parents about the incident to build a critical mass to expel.

definitely police, definitely remove your son.

Half term is this week so they will try and let the situation diffuse and hope you'll relax about it next week when school goes back.

I am guessing this is one in Scotland.

Also be aware that some of these schools may try and fob you off with money and signing a confidentiality agreement. Do not do that, involve the police, lawyer up if you need to.
Some of them are good and will treat this as a very serious incidence which it is. Your son is the hero, he knew it was wrong, he called you. Keep him safe and off social media now and let the school know you mean business (aka police, council etc). There is an adult witness so they cannot deny what happened. She will likely have to testify if it is a police matter.

That's pretty shocking, especially given the big age difference

Was this spontaneous, or premeditated? I agree with PP that there may be a sexual element to this attack. Do you feel there may have been any racial motivation? Has your son been subjected to bullying prior to this, or seen bullying at the school?

I would hold off calling this police and use this as a threat to try and secure their permanant exclusion.

I would be contacting the police and taking it up against what would by now be my child’s former school.

No eight, but this sort of thing happens in school, particularly inner city state schools every day. It's a school matter.

That's horrific and could have ended very badly, your poor boy. Year 13 is pretty much an adult - absolutely abhorrent behaviour from someone that old . Thank god he phoned you and didn't have some crazy misguided idea of keeping quiet about it. I wonder if you'd ever have ever got wind of it if he hadn't.

In your shoes he wouldn't be going back there, ever, and I would call the police and write to the governors. The fact they tried to chase him down even after they were caught effectively torturing him, means they don't give a shit. They'll have their few days extra off then be waiting for him when they all return to school..

How does your boy feel about returning there? Has this sort of thing happened before?

Still a school matter imo, as happened on school grounds.

Yes I think their age is one of the worst aspects of it. The fact that at that age they're supposed to have some maturity. And that the younger ones will know aaaalllll about this, and it gives them carte blanche to do what they like.

How in Christ's name are they going to swan around school after doing this? It is fucking serious.

Not to scare you @ciscowife but how much more traumatic would it have been for your son if the matron hadn't been doing a round? How long would it have gone on for?

I'm sorry this has happened to your son.

Of course it is a police matter. If this had happened to you at work you wouldn't be waiting for the HR team to sort it out, you'd be reporting the fact you had been assaulted, to the police. Don't treat your son as any less important than that.💐

I agree.

Bloody appalling behaviour.

I would try to do some research into initiation rituals used at the school historically. The other boys involved being older and not of the same year groups themselves and what they were doing suggests it's something learned/ that's possibly been done before within the teenagers' knowledge / collective memory.

It might not be that - it might be straight forward bullying/ assault by people who don't treat others well.

But worth poking around on any sites for alumni talking about what they used to get up to / making contact with any you know personally.

Now is an ok time for your son to swap schools. September is the last sensible time for a swap when he'll be going into Year 10. But take a few days to think about it - your son having to move schools may feel to him like punishment for having been the victim.

Reporting to the police takes control away from your son - not saying it's a bad idea but it needs thinking about in the round - criminal prosecutions are very delayed at the minute and there may be some time to wait even with the system prioritising cases involving child witnesses and defendants.

I'd report it to the bloody police as kidnapping, imprisonment, and torture, possibly attempted murder/GBH/serious assault (delete at appropriate)

Then i'd report the school to the authorities responsible for them too.

Then i'd pull him from the school

Being on school grounds doesn't grant immunity to criminal behaviour.

It already is an awful outcome; your son will have been traumatised by this event.

Sad that things haven't improved since the 1980s. Boarding schools are basically Lord of the bloody Flies.

Fuck that. And fuck the school’s response.
Police matter.

I haven’t read the whole thread but in short I would report to the police and Local Authority safeguarding children’s team myself, don’t wait for school to do it. My child would not be returning whilever they were there.

What are you looking to achieve by reporting it to the police? Realistically they will just be spoken to. The school and parents can do that. School governors are probably a better route than reporting to the local constabulary. Do you want them prosecuted because if it’s the first time these children have done anything - even if they’ve done something like this before, they are highly unlikely to criminalise them.

I wouldn't dream of sending him back. If the same happened to me, as an adult, I'd be scarred for life. To happen to a child, so far from his parents, is beyond awful. I know the kids involved probably thought it was just a bit of fun but your child felt there was a serious risk to his personal safety and maybe even his life. For his parent to turn around and tell him it's all fine and he needs to stay in this place would be the worst betrayal. This is a key moment in his life. Show him he's safe by listening to him now and doing what he needs you to do now even if that means taking him out.

If hunt those little fuckers down myself I mean I would call the police. You should call the police and find a news school. Poor kid. I never went to boarding school but I did get shut in a coffin sized cupboard on a residential and now I’m claustrophobic so I really feel for him. These experiences can really fuck you up. Hope he’s okay.

Let's change the sex of the victim...but not the perpetrators. Would anyone hesitate reporting it to the Police then? idfts

No. It's assault. It's a police matter. My kid went to the local comp. If this had happened to him I'd be pressing charges. And no one would hesitate in reporting it if the victim was an adult. It's ridiculous to suggest otherwise.

If you ask your son what he would like to do, bear in mind that he may well be depressed (this event sounds to me like an escalation, there will have been other incidents) and if he is depressed, he won't be able to make a rational decision himself. Also let him know (just in case that is a factor in his/your decision) that you will not be responsible for next term's fees (summer term) in lieu of notice, because the school have failed in their duty of care, which in all probability breaks the contract you have with them.