WWYD? School Incident.

[ciscowife]

DS (13) is a weekly boarder. Last night he texted me “can you come and get me”. I tried to call him a number of times to see what was the matter. I decided to phone the boarding house as this is out of character for him. Was told there had been an incident and he was very upset. Drove to collect him immediately without knowing what had happened. He was in an absolute state when I got there.
He had been dragged into a bedroom by a Y13 and Y10 pinned to the bed, wrapped up in a blanket so he couldn’t move and then threatened with being water boarded, and having various liquids and things shoved in his mouth. Luckily they were interrupted by the lady who was on duty. She knocked on the door and opened it to tell them something, DS shouted for help and managed to get away but he was then chased by them. He tried to run away from the school to get away from them.
The school dealt with it quickly and we had late phone calls with deputy head followed by meetings today. The two boys have been suspended for the rest of this week which basically means they are getting an extended half term break.
We feel that this isn’t acceptable punishment because it could have been an awful outcome. Some friends who are either in boarding/teaching have said that this should be a police matter and the council safeguarding team should be informed.
So WWYD oh wise mums in the net!

Your poor son. If he can bear to, I would strongly support calling the police. This was a serious assault, which would I fear have been much more serious had the thugs not been interrupted.

That older kid is a nutter and needs removed from an environment where he has access to younger children. I’d 100% be calling the police and wanting him removed before I was remotely happy about sending my kid back there. Your son may need professional help after this he’ll be traumatised.

I'd call the police. They were going to torture your son. The school are minimising this. It's isn't just a bit if fun. The fact they chased him after being caught by staff is concerning too, they had no respect for authority so how can the staff keep the children safe from those boys?

I would get the police involved since the school don't seem to know what an appropriate response is and I would be expecting the school to expel them both.

Given the ages involved, I would consider this to be a police matter. Y13 could well be 18.

And whilst a school will be reluctant to expel a Year 13 at this stage, I don't see how the school can be a safe environment with this kind of behaviour.

This is horrific. I would call a meeting with the dsl and would inform the police immediately. Also Ofsted as such a breech of safeguarding will trigger an immediate inspection to scrutinise their over all safeguarding, which is clearly not enough .
My son would never be going back again.

Police.
And anyone with oversight responsibility for independent schools.

I'm so sorry this happened to your son. Please look into getting him counselling and demanding the school pay for it.

And anyone with oversight responsibility for independent schools

This would be ISI. Not as stringent as Ofsted, though: tend to mark their own homework.

I'd also consider suing the school for failing to keep your child safe. Don't send him back there: he will be traumatised.

Contact the police and pull him out of the boarding element. I’m sorry OP but no way is it a boarding house of teenage boys a loving environment for a young person to grow up in. He needs to be with his family in the protection of your home outside of school hours. Thank god he told you. I know so many boys who boarded and went through this kind of thing and worse and it’s absolutely negatively impacted them for life - regardless of the external successes that often come from an expensive education.

how shocking for your son, OP

I would be calling the police, just to be on the safe side. But i think expulsion would be more appropriate - that is for the school to decide though

Sorry to say but it’s possible that there is a sexual element to the attack so definitely get police involved to access the help he needs here.

Definitely sounds like a police matter to me

As well as agreeing with PPs that this is a police matter, I just want to say - you did exactly the right thing getting your DS straight away. Psychologically that is the best defence against any mental health aftermath to this.

Definitely phone the police. This is child abuse. Child-on-child abuse.

HOW did the woman who knocked on the door not rescue him?

I agree with many others op. These are not young kids, they are young adults and they need to dealt with as such.
I would go to police directly. PP’s are absolutely right - no one would accept this behaviour in any other context!

Tell the police. If the school had any sense they’d have reported it themselves.

Your poor son will be traumatised by this. Those boys need removing or your son will never feel safe there.
I'm glad you picked him up.

This is a ptsd generating event, your son may well be affected profoundly for many years. He needs to be safe at home with you, and you need to show that you are protective by raining hell down on the achool and lads. Go to the police for a start

This is a police matter. This isn’t mucking about, sounds sexually motivated too

This is truly appalling behaviour, I do hope your son will be ok.
They should be expelled. To be honest I don’t think I’d let my child return anyway. The police should be involved. With the nature of what’s happened, it’s really not a school matter for them to investigate but for the police. Have the school not mentioned anything about the police? I’d be calling them myself otherwise.

That is serious abuse that your son will probably need a lot of support and love to deal with. I imagine some professional help would be needed. Unless he really wants to stay, I would also immediately be withdrawing him from the school, they've shown they can't keep him safe. If he's determined to stay, I'd be working with the school on how they will ensure this won't happen again. If they aren't proactively contacting the police I'd be very worried. I know a number of men and women living with the aftermath of this kind of abuse in boarding schools, please take it seriously.

Police matter, the year 13 tried to (potentially sexually motivated?!) abuse a much younger child. I would have reported to the police already.

I would expect expulsion but I guess it comes down to the school policies. I would be more than disappointed in the school if they were choosing not to expel in order to keep hold of two sets of boarding fees.

This is absolutely horrendous, your poor son! I agree with those saying pull him out of the school and report to the police.

I think it's common knowledge that these sorts of things can and do happen at boarding schools, and imho children and teens should be living at home instead of being sent away like this.