WWYD? School Incident.

[ciscowife]

DS (13) is a weekly boarder. Last night he texted me “can you come and get me”. I tried to call him a number of times to see what was the matter. I decided to phone the boarding house as this is out of character for him. Was told there had been an incident and he was very upset. Drove to collect him immediately without knowing what had happened. He was in an absolute state when I got there.
He had been dragged into a bedroom by a Y13 and Y10 pinned to the bed, wrapped up in a blanket so he couldn’t move and then threatened with being water boarded, and having various liquids and things shoved in his mouth. Luckily they were interrupted by the lady who was on duty. She knocked on the door and opened it to tell them something, DS shouted for help and managed to get away but he was then chased by them. He tried to run away from the school to get away from them.
The school dealt with it quickly and we had late phone calls with deputy head followed by meetings today. The two boys have been suspended for the rest of this week which basically means they are getting an extended half term break.
We feel that this isn’t acceptable punishment because it could have been an awful outcome. Some friends who are either in boarding/teaching have said that this should be a police matter and the council safeguarding team should be informed.
So WWYD oh wise mums in the net!

Omg I’d be apoplectic. I agree escalate this, school need to report to police (or you do it if not) and ensure they have followed their safeguarding procedures (sound like they may be inadequate but I don’t think we have enough details yet)

Others have advised on police and safeguarding concerns. I can’t believe they didn’t phone you immediately. I would remove my son from the school, but if you don’t, I’d expect him to have access to counselling or similar from the school as I’d guess that he is very likely to have PTSD and continue to relive the trauma even if those boys are permanently excluded.

id also be worried about what lower level bullying has been happening leading up to that horrific incident. How long has this gone on for, and what is the culture like in the school?

I am a calm reasonable person but all hell would let loose if someone did that to my child (or actually to any child or even adult)
I would go to the police , the parents, the governers, I tbink Îd pay for legal advice… your boy shouldn’t have to suffer and change school but I’m not sure îd send him back.

Well that would be the end of boarding for a start, police next

Please don’t send him back, poor boy will be terrified x

1: Police.
2: A new school

Your poor boy

That year 13 could easily be an 18yo at this point in the year. That's an ADULT attacking a child.

I get horseplay, and "boys will be boys", but your son was very frightened, and this could have ended very badly.

A few days suspension before a holiday wouldn't cut it for me. The school would have to be doing a lot more to prevent me calling the police.

I can answer this point. Most senior boarding houses are Y9 (13) to Y13 (18). They share the house so can get into the bedrooms.
To the rest - the chasing afterwards - if the OP’s DC left the house then there’s not a huge amount the boarding staff (in an evening it Coukd well be an inexperienced boarding tutor or a young intern) but they should have alerted more senior staff immediately and made sure the child was safe before phoning OP. I imagine the suspension is the first step and further investigation and action will be taken.
I used to be a boarding houseparent and the above is based on experience. Not all schools have the same processes, but I know a fair number of people why have worked in different schools and that wouldn’t be a mile off. I wasn’t sure about boarding schools before I worked in one. Now I have I’m very sure. They are rarely the best option.

Edit to add: definitely involve the police yourself if your DS can bear it.

You definitely have to report it to the police because it is the kind of thing some private schools like to cover up. So once you have a police file, they cannot cover up. The boys need to be formally charged.

Your poor boy. Thank goodness they were interrupted!
Personally, I'd be going to the police and the papers. I'd be fucking livid!!

This is unquestionably a serious assault. And is most certainly a police matter. I'd be removing my son immediately. Especially given the school's decision to merely suspend rather than expel the thugs involved.

Your poor son. 😢

Would you accept this in any other context? What would you expect to happen if this was adults?
School should be a place of safety, for your son and the other boys (what has happened to them, what have they watched to be doing this?) they will need help too, as well as discipline/punishment.

Definitely call the police, my child would not be
going back there, I actually loathe boarding schools anyway, but imagine if they’d actually gone through with torturing your child further

If your son does not want to go back there, I would also be demanding your fees for the term back and the deposit and put it all in writing, once you have a police file.

This is terrifying. Completely echo others that a Y13 could be an adult. How awful. Report to police. Move schools.

Police. Don't bother with the school, they will just try to cover it up. Fee paying schools don't want the reputation that goes with police complaints.

The very fact they continued after an adult interrupted them, indicates the school have lost control, which leads you to assume there are now serious safety concerns. I doubt this is an isolated incident and therefore needs escalating before another child is seriously hurt. The trauma of this type of experience can stay with you for life so the school should act accordingly.

Definitely the police! Inform the school in the morning that they call them or you will.

ciscowife
My thoughts are with you at this truly trying time.
Your friends are right, both the police and the council safeguarding teams should be involved and told of everything that happened
What could've happened doesn't bear thinking about
Also
Could this be the latest of prior incidents that occurred as the perpetrators upped the ante to this scenario?
State your displeasure to the school; you feel the punishment doesn't fit the crime those two boys attempted and thank God for that lady who was on duty!
Also you'd like to ask if the parents are truly aware of the real reason behind their sons extended leave?
Another thing,
Tell the school he's not coming back
And any monies paid you'd like fully refunded and if they don't you'll go down the legal route and thoroughly explain to anyone who'll listen as to why that is
It's going to kick them ofsted wise.........

In addition to what everyone else has said about not sending your son back, safeguarding and police I must add from someone who went to boarding school myself and now suffers with trauma from it, that the amount of illegal and downright terrible behaviour that happens and a blind eye is turned until it comes to light until the last minute where school can't ignore it anymore is appalling. For your son and for other children there I hope you fight this with the school and don't let them play it down.

Go back to the school and demand meeting with safeguarding, principal, person in charge of boarding

Id phone police and log the incident and let the police decide category assault/abuse etc.

1. Why was he chased after this incident when member of staff was there - why didn't they stop it?? This would indicate they don't have control over boarding pupils
2. Why didn't school inform you straight away and dc had to contact you.
3. What's to stop this happening again?

If you don't get anywhere with the school. Id threaten to go to the local papers and name and shame

This. The fact the older one is essentially an adult too... Y13 is approx 18yrs? Absolutely shocking.
Hopefully the horrible bastards will get their karma.

Police without a doubt

Can you imagine if someone you lived with did this to you?? Absolutely horrific and your poor son must be traumatised. Definitely go to the police, this is an assault and above the threshold of which I would expect school to deal with.

This is horrendous, how awful for your son.
I’d also pull him out wouldn’t want my child at a school like that - they clearly have issues with safeguarding and I absolutely agree with other posters comments about calling the police, I would absolutely be doing this.