WWYD? School Incident.

[ciscowife]

DS (13) is a weekly boarder. Last night he texted me “can you come and get me”. I tried to call him a number of times to see what was the matter. I decided to phone the boarding house as this is out of character for him. Was told there had been an incident and he was very upset. Drove to collect him immediately without knowing what had happened. He was in an absolute state when I got there.
He had been dragged into a bedroom by a Y13 and Y10 pinned to the bed, wrapped up in a blanket so he couldn’t move and then threatened with being water boarded, and having various liquids and things shoved in his mouth. Luckily they were interrupted by the lady who was on duty. She knocked on the door and opened it to tell them something, DS shouted for help and managed to get away but he was then chased by them. He tried to run away from the school to get away from them.
The school dealt with it quickly and we had late phone calls with deputy head followed by meetings today. The two boys have been suspended for the rest of this week which basically means they are getting an extended half term break.
We feel that this isn’t acceptable punishment because it could have been an awful outcome. Some friends who are either in boarding/teaching have said that this should be a police matter and the council safeguarding team should be informed.
So WWYD oh wise mums in the net!

This is what I can’t work out either.
I help with scouts and it gets tricky when our young leaders turn 18, we have to manage it slightly differently - and it’s more awkward when one turns 18 and their usual tent sharing friends haven’t! Our safeguarding plans for it, yet it doesn’t seem the schools does

i agree, that’s really poor. Obviously you can’t do it within the year group due to logistics, but most boarding schools have a sixth form house separate from the younger years. Partly so the rules can be more relaxed and start giving a bit more independence, but also to address this safeguarding issue.

I would bet that this is not the first time an incident of this nature has happened at this school.

I am with this.

I wouldn't send my son back unless the perpetrators were expelled.

I thought boarding schools were going hard and trying desperately to stamp out this stuff because of how damaging it has been to their reputations?

Ex boarding school teacher here. The school is failing here, definitely a police matter . Sad to say that the offending boys might have been let off lightly because of who their parents were .

I expect this has already been said but I imagine the school is desperate to avoid bad publicity - as today unfolds you might want to ask yourself if they are putting that very short term consideration above the well-being of the pupils.

Just something to bear in mind when evaluating their actions. It certainly sounds as though by not contacting you immediately, this is a factor in their decision making.

if an 18 year old tortured my son no matter where it happened I’d be calling the police. Makes me sick reading how cruel some people are. I hope your son is ok take him to the GP asap so he can access counselling if needed

Your poor lad. This is just awful and I hope he is feeling OK this morning. I would advise talking to an independent third party like NSPCC or similar to get a steer on whether it's worth reporting to the Police. I would say yes but I'm not an expert.

It's not unheard for kids in remote areas of Scotland, or on smaller islands, to weekly board at their nearest secondary school because travelling back and forward every day just isn't an option. I also know of another state boarding house in Oxfordshire, not sure if kids still weekly board but they did in the past. Good luck OP.

"An 18 year old man has been arrested for torturing a 13 year old boy"

Is what the newspaper headlines might read. They would not state an 18 year old boy.

OP the most important thing to realise is that these bullies need to learn a lesson and be stopped in their tracks. Reporting this properly is not just to safeguard your own DS, but any other future victims.

Often when this kind of thing is brushed under the carpet, perpetrators go on to do worse.

Surely the Year 13 is an adult

This is assault whatever way you look at it and police do need to be involved

4 days suspension!! The school isn’t taking this seriously.

and this is why my children don’t go on them
or sleepovers. I remember things from my own residentials and that was before the influence of social
media!

Another vote for this from me. This indicates potential serious cultural problems at the school - not dealing with bullying, not recognising early warning signs, a culture where this sort of thing likely to happen. Two boys involved from different years? Unlikely this happened in a vacuum.

I have no new advice to add here, but wanted to say how sorry I am this happened to your son OP. My boys are only 3 and 6 and I cannot imagine my horror at learning something like this had happened to either of them, whatever his age. Sending hugs. Be strong.

This is a boarding school where adult assailant is being allowed to extend his holiday break time as punishment.

WTF.

This type of assault should involve jail time. No matter who Mummy and Daddy are or the size of their bank account

Police need to be involved

Make sure you get a copy of the incident report and something in writing from the witness to say what happened otherwise I think school will close ranks and witness in fear for her job will end up changing the account of what she saw once police are involved

Thinking a bit more about this from my previous comments…. I really do think that the sooner the better this is reported to the police. Please be aware that the perpetrators will probably have lawyered up already . It might be in your best interests to delete this post now too.

Before you go into the school, print off their discipline, safeguarding and bullying policies, go through them in detail and mark everything relevant to your son's case, and ask them what they have done or plan to do to comply.

I think it's quite likely that the suspension is just a preliminary response, given that it would have been inappropriate for them to make final decisions overnight. The school will probably be thinking about expulsion now.

Really? You would be happy with your child still seeing these boys every day when they return from suspension?

100% the person looking after the house knew they were up to something - because it’s not the first time. And that’s why they went in, not to ask something.
Think when your toddlers go quiet and you go to check.

the previous poster had it when they said you don’t go from perfectly behaved and respecting everyone to that.

That makes perfect sense and also really raises the questions as to why they were able to do this.

@pocketpairs I think you are confused. A school does not have some “special status” like a foreign embassy! If any assault happens anywhere then it is a police matter. Just like violence in the home is not a “domestic matter”.

Hard disagree, one of these is 18, the other 15. They are not 8 & 5. They know this is massively wrong and it is very disturbing behaviour. I would report this to the police, even if it just means these kids are now known to the police (if they aren't already), this feels very big, certainly not your 'normal' bullying and it feels like this wasnt the beginning with these two either

I'd report it to the police. That was a shocking attack, and they are too old for this to be anything but a planned assault, esp as they chased him when he escaped. Don't let the school minimise this.

If anyone tries to make you feel guilty about involving the police then imagine what would have happened if it had continued...imagine their next victim.

I'm so sorry OP, that is a dreadful incident. Best wishes to your DS and I hope the boys involved incur the consequences that reflect the seriousness of their actions.