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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WWYD? School Incident.

353 replies

ciscowife · 10/02/2026 17:21

DS (13) is a weekly boarder. Last night he texted me “can you come and get me”. I tried to call him a number of times to see what was the matter. I decided to phone the boarding house as this is out of character for him. Was told there had been an incident and he was very upset. Drove to collect him immediately without knowing what had happened. He was in an absolute state when I got there.
He had been dragged into a bedroom by a Y13 and Y10 pinned to the bed, wrapped up in a blanket so he couldn’t move and then threatened with being water boarded, and having various liquids and things shoved in his mouth. Luckily they were interrupted by the lady who was on duty. She knocked on the door and opened it to tell them something, DS shouted for help and managed to get away but he was then chased by them. He tried to run away from the school to get away from them.
The school dealt with it quickly and we had late phone calls with deputy head followed by meetings today. The two boys have been suspended for the rest of this week which basically means they are getting an extended half term break.
We feel that this isn’t acceptable punishment because it could have been an awful outcome. Some friends who are either in boarding/teaching have said that this should be a police matter and the council safeguarding team should be informed.
So WWYD oh wise mums in the net!

OP posts:
neverbeenskiing · 10/02/2026 21:53

School Safeguarding Lead here.

OP, first of all I am so sorry to hear this happened to your son. You have had some sensible advice on this thread but, as with any thread on the topic of safeguarding, there is some well meaning but somewhat misguided and inaccurate stuff as well.

Don't contact the LADO, their remit is to manage allegations against adults who work with children so this is not relevant to them. Also don't contact Ofsted, they don't even inspect Independent schools. Even if it was a state school, it's not necessarily true that a child on child assault would trigger an inspection as some have claimed on here. You need to follow the schools formal complaints process and then if you're not satisfied with the response, escalate to the body who inspects Independent schools.

As for the 4 day suspension, I agree this is not an appropriate consequence but it could just be a starting point. They may be looking to expell the two boys, but expulsion requires the school to collate evidence, investigate and put all the necessary paperwork together, so it is normal to suspend in the first instance to give them time to do this. You would be entirely reasonable to ask for clarification around this though.

You would certainly be within your rights to report this to the Police, both the perpetrators are well over the age of criminal responsibility and what your son has described is potentially a common assault. Lots of people on this thread are shocked that the school haven't involved the Police, but it's actually not usual practice for schools to report child on child assaults that occur on school premises to the Police directly (except in cases of serious sexual assault/rape or where a weapon is brought into school) as it is generally up to the victim/their parent to decide whether they want to report. However, the school should have discussed this with you and personally, if I was handling this incident as DSL, I would certainly be encouraging you to report. The likelihood is that the Police will say they are happy for the school to follow their disciplinary process and take no further action, they are generally reluctant to criminalise young people for incidents like this IME. But that doesn't mean it shouldnt be reported. For all you know, these young men may even have previous involvement with the Police.

As for the "council safeguarding team", if people are referring to Children's Services (commonly known as social services) then I think there is some misunderstanding as to their role. Schools don't report incidents to Children's Services, they refer children. CS would not accept a referral for a child based on a one off incident of assault taking place at school, unless there were additional risks such as abuse/neglect at home or exploitation in the community. Their position would be that school need to follow their internal behaviour and anti-bullying policies (you should be able to find these on the school website) and conduct their own risk assessment to safeguard the children involved. There would be no role for a Social Worker unless there were additional safeguarding concerns relating to any of the children involved.

In your shoes I would want detailed information around supervision and monitoring that happens in the boarding house, such as who is responsible for supervising children in their free time, what are the rules around children entering each other's bedrooms/dormitories and how are these enforced, how often children are checked when they are in their rooms, what arrangements are in place for them to get help from an adult etc and, importantly, whether they are planning to make any changes as a result of this incident. Essentially, you need assurances that if your DS were to return there would be robust supervision, monitoring and reporting arrangements in place to prevent something like this happening again.

I would also expect the school to offer your DS some form of emotional wellbeing support, possibly counselling, due to what he has experienced. If this hasn't been mentioned that would suggest they haven't fully the emotional and psychological impact of this incident on him, which would concern me as a parent.

Personally, in your shoes I don't think I would be happy for my DS to return if the perpetrators were returning.

Katey83 · 10/02/2026 21:53

LadyLaundry · 10/02/2026 21:47

Also - I doubt this is the first time this has happened at the school, considering the attackers' behaviour in attempting to continue the assault after the arrival of a female staff member. Feels too confident.

I doubt she feels safe either.

Exactly, the 18 year old is a grown man. Not appropriate for a female (presumably a young woman) to have to deal with adult men acting out violently. Police should have been called and he should have been immediately escorted from the premises.

OP - in case it helps: A dear friend's son was violently assaulted at a private school (think baseball bat to a leg), the police took it very seriously and the perpetrator was prosecuted in court and ended up with a criminal record. So police do take assault seriously even when it is by minors.

RawBloomers · 10/02/2026 21:58

I would also report to the police, OP.

XelaM · 10/02/2026 22:00

NameChange0101010101 · 10/02/2026 21:42

I went to state grammar school in the 90s and it had a boarding house - parents had to pay for that, though. It wasnt state funded boarding.

Surprised this is still a thing. Maybe it's somewhere really rural.

Google will tell you there are numerous state boarding schools including in London (e.g Royal Alexandra & Albert which has both day and boarding pupils and has absolutely gorgeous grounds with ponies).

JazzyAmbs · 10/02/2026 22:09

neverbeenskiing · 10/02/2026 21:53

School Safeguarding Lead here.

OP, first of all I am so sorry to hear this happened to your son. You have had some sensible advice on this thread but, as with any thread on the topic of safeguarding, there is some well meaning but somewhat misguided and inaccurate stuff as well.

Don't contact the LADO, their remit is to manage allegations against adults who work with children so this is not relevant to them. Also don't contact Ofsted, they don't even inspect Independent schools. Even if it was a state school, it's not necessarily true that a child on child assault would trigger an inspection as some have claimed on here. You need to follow the schools formal complaints process and then if you're not satisfied with the response, escalate to the body who inspects Independent schools.

As for the 4 day suspension, I agree this is not an appropriate consequence but it could just be a starting point. They may be looking to expell the two boys, but expulsion requires the school to collate evidence, investigate and put all the necessary paperwork together, so it is normal to suspend in the first instance to give them time to do this. You would be entirely reasonable to ask for clarification around this though.

You would certainly be within your rights to report this to the Police, both the perpetrators are well over the age of criminal responsibility and what your son has described is potentially a common assault. Lots of people on this thread are shocked that the school haven't involved the Police, but it's actually not usual practice for schools to report child on child assaults that occur on school premises to the Police directly (except in cases of serious sexual assault/rape or where a weapon is brought into school) as it is generally up to the victim/their parent to decide whether they want to report. However, the school should have discussed this with you and personally, if I was handling this incident as DSL, I would certainly be encouraging you to report. The likelihood is that the Police will say they are happy for the school to follow their disciplinary process and take no further action, they are generally reluctant to criminalise young people for incidents like this IME. But that doesn't mean it shouldnt be reported. For all you know, these young men may even have previous involvement with the Police.

As for the "council safeguarding team", if people are referring to Children's Services (commonly known as social services) then I think there is some misunderstanding as to their role. Schools don't report incidents to Children's Services, they refer children. CS would not accept a referral for a child based on a one off incident of assault taking place at school, unless there were additional risks such as abuse/neglect at home or exploitation in the community. Their position would be that school need to follow their internal behaviour and anti-bullying policies (you should be able to find these on the school website) and conduct their own risk assessment to safeguard the children involved. There would be no role for a Social Worker unless there were additional safeguarding concerns relating to any of the children involved.

In your shoes I would want detailed information around supervision and monitoring that happens in the boarding house, such as who is responsible for supervising children in their free time, what are the rules around children entering each other's bedrooms/dormitories and how are these enforced, how often children are checked when they are in their rooms, what arrangements are in place for them to get help from an adult etc and, importantly, whether they are planning to make any changes as a result of this incident. Essentially, you need assurances that if your DS were to return there would be robust supervision, monitoring and reporting arrangements in place to prevent something like this happening again.

I would also expect the school to offer your DS some form of emotional wellbeing support, possibly counselling, due to what he has experienced. If this hasn't been mentioned that would suggest they haven't fully the emotional and psychological impact of this incident on him, which would concern me as a parent.

Personally, in your shoes I don't think I would be happy for my DS to return if the perpetrators were returning.

Ofsted has dedicated boarding inspections separate to the main Ofsted for state boarding so yes they would investigate.

neverbeenskiing · 10/02/2026 22:14

JazzyAmbs · 10/02/2026 22:09

Ofsted has dedicated boarding inspections separate to the main Ofsted for state boarding so yes they would investigate.

My understanding was that Ofsted only inspects Independent faith schools or specialist schools, so those not covered by the ISI. If that's incorrect, then apologies for that. The fact remains they would still expect parents to follow their schools formal complaints procedure in the first instance and it is not correct that an assault on school premises will automatically trigger an Inspection as some pp have stated.

freakingscared · 10/02/2026 22:14

It’s a police matter and a safeguarding issue . Nil it in the bud as I’m betting that has already escalated and the itv that level of violence it will only get worse

WearyAuldWumman · 10/02/2026 22:18

I'd contact the police. Who the hell do those older boys think they are? The villains from Tom Brown's Schooldays?

WhereYouLeftIt · 10/02/2026 22:19

Whichschool1234 · 10/02/2026 19:34

OP based on your update I think you have the perfect case to say he is now a day pupil or you will be going to Ofsted/ police.

I would be insisting on him becoming a day pupil. Regardless, I'd be going to the police myself tomorrow.

BootleggedMaterial · 10/02/2026 22:20

MillsMollsMands · 10/02/2026 20:14

Look up what happened at Blundells!

Omg... that's horrific! I hadn't heard of that despite knowing former pupils.

https://news.devon-cornwall.police.uk/news-article/186b5ec5-638d-ef11-9d6f-6045bdd24049

News Article - Devon & Cornwall Police

News from Devon & Cornwall Police media team

https://news.devon-cornwall.police.uk/news-article/186b5ec5-638d-ef11-9d6f-6045bdd24049

WearyAuldWumman · 10/02/2026 22:21

SharingMyOpinion · 10/02/2026 21:31

‘cleaning duties’

So if you were at work, two colleagues wrap you in a blanket and threaten to waterboard you & shove things down your throat - an appropriate HR response is - they will do cleaning duties?

Thank you.

When I was in my first yr in a Scottish state secondary, I was bullied quite badly. One time, a girl wrapped her scarf round my neck from behind and twisted it.
I genuinely thought that I was going to die.

The OP's son must have been terrified.

Piknik · 10/02/2026 22:25

But he has moved schools already and is otherwise really happy. Why the fuck should he have to move.

Talk to school and ask for their pathways and procedures
Tell them you are considering a police report
Tell them he is a day pupil as of this moment
And that he won't be returning until you understand the full course of action being taken. Ideally the boys should be permentantly excluded - they (and their parents) will no doubt plead 'banter' but fuck that, this is assault.

Keep talking to your DS. Make sure he knows you have his back and that at the end of the day, when all decisions and options are on the table, he can choose what he wants to do.

JustSawJohnny · 10/02/2026 22:31

As an ex teacher I encourage you to report this to the Police ASAP.

The school are likely to go into self preservation mode and try to downplay it.

At the end of the day, your child has been assaulted by an adult on school grounds. This is something they are going to want to distance themselves from and they will put their needs before DS's.

I'd be pushing for them to let him be a day pupil from hereon out.

Egggingit · 10/02/2026 22:31

This is truly a shocking read @ciscowife . Your child was assaulted. The police definitely need informing and those youths should be expelled. Excluding them for one week is a joke.

I hope your DS is ok.

HoppingPavlova · 10/02/2026 22:33

Luckily they were interrupted by the lady who was on duty. She knocked on the door and opened it to tell them something, DS shouted for help and managed to get away but he was then chased by them

So, the staff member who interrupted this, then let the 2 boys chase after your DS??? When she interrupted them, they would have all been contained in a room so the situation should have been very easy to manage from a physical management perspective. Seems utterly bizarre.

saraclara · 10/02/2026 22:36

HoppingPavlova · 10/02/2026 22:33

Luckily they were interrupted by the lady who was on duty. She knocked on the door and opened it to tell them something, DS shouted for help and managed to get away but he was then chased by them

So, the staff member who interrupted this, then let the 2 boys chase after your DS??? When she interrupted them, they would have all been contained in a room so the situation should have been very easy to manage from a physical management perspective. Seems utterly bizarre.

It week have taken her a few seconds to realise what was happening. And OP 's son sensibly used those seconds (when the older pupils will have been distracted by her coming in) to make his escape.

NameChange0101010101 · 10/02/2026 22:40

The point was that they aren't state funded boarding though, the parents pay for the boarding part, as they did at my old school (not really sure what your point is?)

@XelaM

GhettoSnoopystar · 10/02/2026 22:41

Justgorgeous · 10/02/2026 19:49

What a ridiculous comment. If you have children, please set your bar a bit higher !

I know, it’s like saying if you’re assaulted in Tesco, it’s a Tesco matter 🤦‍♀️

HoppingPavlova · 10/02/2026 22:45

It week have taken her a few seconds to realise what was happening. And OP 's son sensibly used those seconds (when the older pupils will have been distracted by her coming in) to make his escape

It wouldn’t have taken her that long that a roomful of 3 boys could all make their way out past her. There’s something wrong with her noggin if it takes that long and allows for that result.

EBearhug · 10/02/2026 22:49

neverbeenskiing · 10/02/2026 22:14

My understanding was that Ofsted only inspects Independent faith schools or specialist schools, so those not covered by the ISI. If that's incorrect, then apologies for that. The fact remains they would still expect parents to follow their schools formal complaints procedure in the first instance and it is not correct that an assault on school premises will automatically trigger an Inspection as some pp have stated.

It's state boarding, not independent.

SandAndSea · 10/02/2026 22:52

I would also call the police myself.

Askingforafriendtoday · 10/02/2026 22:56

Definitely a police matter

Talkingfrog · 10/02/2026 22:56

HoppingPavlova · 10/02/2026 22:45

It week have taken her a few seconds to realise what was happening. And OP 's son sensibly used those seconds (when the older pupils will have been distracted by her coming in) to make his escape

It wouldn’t have taken her that long that a roomful of 3 boys could all make their way out past her. There’s something wrong with her noggin if it takes that long and allows for that result.

No one commenting on the post knows how big the room was, exactly what happened when she opened the door . Unless there it is hard to know how you would react. I don't know what I would do in that situation. She may have tried to take action, she may not have. She may have been pushed/barged out of the way by the boys chasing OP's son. If they were prepared to do what they did to another pupil, they may not have been concerned about also injuring a member of staff. Hopefully the school is doing the proper investigations that are required, and that she is doing what she needs to support that, but also the school are giving her any support she needs, because it couldn't have been nice to walk in on.

Gremlins101 · 10/02/2026 22:57

This is shocking. Poor child and poor you.
I'd be terrified to send him back there.

JoelDommettsTux · 10/02/2026 23:06

Deffo police. Also I think the son is 13 years old not year 13 so even younger ?