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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD? School Incident.

353 replies

ciscowife · 10/02/2026 17:21

DS (13) is a weekly boarder. Last night he texted me “can you come and get me”. I tried to call him a number of times to see what was the matter. I decided to phone the boarding house as this is out of character for him. Was told there had been an incident and he was very upset. Drove to collect him immediately without knowing what had happened. He was in an absolute state when I got there.
He had been dragged into a bedroom by a Y13 and Y10 pinned to the bed, wrapped up in a blanket so he couldn’t move and then threatened with being water boarded, and having various liquids and things shoved in his mouth. Luckily they were interrupted by the lady who was on duty. She knocked on the door and opened it to tell them something, DS shouted for help and managed to get away but he was then chased by them. He tried to run away from the school to get away from them.
The school dealt with it quickly and we had late phone calls with deputy head followed by meetings today. The two boys have been suspended for the rest of this week which basically means they are getting an extended half term break.
We feel that this isn’t acceptable punishment because it could have been an awful outcome. Some friends who are either in boarding/teaching have said that this should be a police matter and the council safeguarding team should be informed.
So WWYD oh wise mums in the net!

OP posts:
Paramaribo2025 · 10/02/2026 21:09

Police

SharingMyOpinion · 10/02/2026 21:11

If this happened to your child on the street everyone would intervene & call the police.

Your child is safe at home in his own bed. Not at the mercy of other traumatized neglected children.

Sofflespop · 10/02/2026 21:12

Scout2016 · 10/02/2026 20:06

Don't let the school sort it out themselves. It needs a safeguarding referral to the LA'S Children's Services and reporting to the police.

No way is this going to be the first time something like this has happened, it's just too extreme. Don't leave it for the school to hush up and minimise. If those kids had done that anywhere else like in the park it would be assault. An 18 year old doing that is really worrying and the year 10 must know better. There is something gone very wrong at that school or with those pupils.

And when were they planning on calling you, if your son hadn't got there first?

I agree with this post. It must be a safeguarding report to local authority, to explore how this could have got to this extreme stage, and to help save the other children too. I would also involve the police, it’s horrific, could have had truly awful consequences. Thank goodness he felt comfortable ringing you - and that you listened and took him seriously - that trust in you will help him as he comes to terms with what happened.

SharingMyOpinion · 10/02/2026 21:15

SofiaAmes · 10/02/2026 20:55

About 15 years ago my DS was assaulted in a similar way on a school trip and his therapist recommended that I report it to the police because the school did not deal with it pretty much at all (basically excused it as boys will be boys). I did not report it because it seemed overkill at the time. It's one of the few things that I really regret about my parenting. It set a tone for my dc's about what level of bullying society would accept and normalize and what help (or lack there of) from adults they could hope for. It has taken years to overcome that.

Thank you for being so honest. We must protect our children - regardless of what others say.

Ooodelally · 10/02/2026 21:17

This is absolutely a police matter, charges should be brought for this. Reporting as parents to the police can run in parallel to any school actions which should have been a five day suspension pending permanent exclusion whilst this was investigated.

Kokonimater · 10/02/2026 21:17

He needs to be taken out of school - this is immensely traumatising. Imagine the fear if he had to go back and those boys are still there. The poor boy. And the school did not call you!!!

Londonrach1 · 10/02/2026 21:19

Report to the police and I wouldn't let him return. Those children will return and will continue this after half term as school not dealt with it properly. Why they still chasing him after the teacher found them. This needs to be taken further. Certainly min a police report

honeyrider · 10/02/2026 21:21

The fact they weren't bothered when interrupted by the staff member but chased after your DS shows they have no fear of authority, a clear sign they're dangerous. The other boarders must be terrified too. It definitely needs reporting to the police.

Sally2791 · 10/02/2026 21:21

Terrifying! Thank goodness he could call you. Report to police and there’s no way I’d be sending him back there

SharingMyOpinion · 10/02/2026 21:23

cardibach · 10/02/2026 18:09

I can answer this point. Most senior boarding houses are Y9 (13) to Y13 (18). They share the house so can get into the bedrooms.
To the rest - the chasing afterwards - if the OP’s DC left the house then there’s not a huge amount the boarding staff (in an evening it Coukd well be an inexperienced boarding tutor or a young intern) but they should have alerted more senior staff immediately and made sure the child was safe before phoning OP. I imagine the suspension is the first step and further investigation and action will be taken.
I used to be a boarding houseparent and the above is based on experience. Not all schools have the same processes, but I know a fair number of people why have worked in different schools and that wouldn’t be a mile off. I wasn’t sure about boarding schools before I worked in one. Now I have I’m very sure. They are rarely the best option.

Edit to add: definitely involve the police yourself if your DS can bear it.

Edited
Show quote history

They are rarely the best option.

I would say never the best option … but there is always an exception to the rule.

user1492757084 · 10/02/2026 21:24

Stay speaking with the school about the incident.
Require them to explain why the Police or safeguarding have not been invloved.
Hopefully the school policy will be strict on the bully boys.
t
Acceptable consequences to me would include .. them having to be suspended, clocking up some cleaning duties, a loss of their phones for a month, education from the Police squad and their term fees going directly towards your son's fees.

XelaM · 10/02/2026 21:26

Livelovebehappy · 10/02/2026 19:51

Definitely the police. I would be throwing everything at it. It’s assault, and the perpetrators should be expelled.

This. Call the police ASAP!!

This is horrific. Does your son know why they targeted him?!

babyproblems · 10/02/2026 21:28

sprigatito · 10/02/2026 17:32

I would report it to the police - with your son's consent of course - and he wouldn't be going back there. He isn't safe there, the school's response is inadequate and there's no way I would want my son - already more vulnerable due to living away from home - to have to encounter those boys in the showers/corridors/common rooms.

Agree

Matronic6 · 10/02/2026 21:28

As a teacher, I would be fuming with the response from the school. I honestly think that should be an automatic expulsion. The fact that a member of staff intervened and they still didn't stop shows their complete disregard for authority. I would be contacting the police because it's quite clear the school have failed and are actively choosing to continue to fail to keep your son safe.

SharingMyOpinion · 10/02/2026 21:31

user1492757084 · 10/02/2026 21:24

Stay speaking with the school about the incident.
Require them to explain why the Police or safeguarding have not been invloved.
Hopefully the school policy will be strict on the bully boys.
t
Acceptable consequences to me would include .. them having to be suspended, clocking up some cleaning duties, a loss of their phones for a month, education from the Police squad and their term fees going directly towards your son's fees.

Edited

‘cleaning duties’

So if you were at work, two colleagues wrap you in a blanket and threaten to waterboard you & shove things down your throat - an appropriate HR response is - they will do cleaning duties?

FairPointWellMadeBarbAirer · 10/02/2026 21:31

Definitely report to the police.
i would also be asking for a meeting with the board of governors, as you have to go through this step if you want to report to department of education. I would also ensure complaints and correspondence is in written form for traceability purposes ( if first hand experience of school denying verbal complaints). This is serious assault and far beyond japes, those boys need expelling & safeguarding policies reviewed. It won’t be a one of incident as what you described isn’t a starting point offence.

Talkingfrog · 10/02/2026 21:32

user1476613140 · 10/02/2026 19:06

Half term is this week so they will try and let the situation diffuse and hope you'll relax about it next week when school goes back.

I am guessing this is one in Scotland.

We are in Wales and our half term is next week. It can vary per council area so could be in lots of parts of the uk.

Talkingfrog · 10/02/2026 21:35

Sounds as if your son did the right thing in contacting you.

Hope your son gets the support you and he heed from the school, and if his choice is to stay as a day pupil, he gets to feel safe doing that.

LadyLaundry · 10/02/2026 21:42

Your poor, poor son.

Yes, I'd involve Police, local authority and ISI (Independent Schools Inspectorate) plus school's board of governors.

This is a gross SG failure and a criminal matter.

NameChange0101010101 · 10/02/2026 21:42

Shinyandnew1 · 10/02/2026 19:35

I didn’t know there were state boarding schools!

Show quote history

I went to state grammar school in the 90s and it had a boarding house - parents had to pay for that, though. It wasnt state funded boarding.

Surprised this is still a thing. Maybe it's somewhere really rural.

LadyLaundry · 10/02/2026 21:42

Your poor, poor son.

Yes, I'd involve Police, local authority and ISI (Independent Schools Inspectorate) plus school's board of governors.

This is a gross SG failure and a criminal matter.

Horses7 · 10/02/2026 21:44

Sounds a rubbish school protecting itself - they should face permanent exclusion and you should have been contacted immediately.
Report to police and let them deal with it.

LadyLaundry · 10/02/2026 21:47

Also - I doubt this is the first time this has happened at the school, considering the attackers' behaviour in attempting to continue the assault after the arrival of a female staff member. Feels too confident.

I doubt she feels safe either.

HelenaWaiting · 10/02/2026 21:49

gototogo · 10/02/2026 17:30

They have been immediately suspended but that doesn’t mean the school will leave it at that, I suspect they need to investigate, and make a decision. Whether it’s a police matter will depend on exactly what happened. I’d be asking for a meeting with the housemaster and head of safeguarding as a starting point

The police should have been notified already. The school can't keep this in house - it's a serious assault, not to mention holding him captive and refusing to release him.

WanderingWellies · 10/02/2026 21:51

What an awful experience for your son. As well as the police, you need to report this to DfE for the attention of the safeguarding and Keeping Children Safe in Education teams.