Having a cleaner but no job

[Mrspepperpotpot]

A few months ago I lost my job, I’m actually really really enjoying being at home with my 2 year old. He isn’t in any childcare at the moment, we had a nanny prior to me losing my job. We also have a 5yo and a 7yo, obviously fulltime at school, they do a few clubs in the week but no wrap around.

Our house is very big. Nearly 6000sqft and an acre garden. 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms

We’ve never had a gardener, but we did have a cleaner once a fortnight for 6 hours when I was working. When I lost my job we let the cleaner go as I was going to be at home all the time.

The thing is im finding it really hard to keep on top of. I did a fair amount of cleaning even with the cleaner but I think I’m ALOT slower and my son now doesn’t nap so although he tags along with some of the cleaning he obviously gets bored after a while.

I’ve tried schedules etc and they do work but it just feels a lot.

We could afford a cleaner probably but would have to maybe stop a club or something to compromise

Am I being lazy? I’m at home literally all the time! I feel AWFUL that I’m getting overwhelmed with just some cleaning!’

Is this what the young people call a "humblebrag" ?

And if you had a nanny to do your "job" of looking after 3 kids, they certainly wouldn't expect to clean anything but the children's rooms/food/laundry so you would need a cleaner! Get a cleaner!

Just lower expectations... we don't all need to live in show homes!

If you can afford it get a cleaner - for your mental
health if nothing else. That is a big house to keep on top of especially with young children. I don’t work now and there’s only me and my husband at home as the children live away. But I could not do without my cleaner. People forget, unless you have a cleaner every day you still have to clean.

It’s fine if you’ve got the cash - I know a lot of people who have lots of help when they don’t work (or minimally). But if you’d have to cut down on your children’s activities…
then yes YABU. you need a better system. Maybe don’t use all the bathrooms?

Sorry, but this is lazy

Why do posters post crap like this?

I had 3 kids and a full time job as a single parent and cleaned my house ( could not afford cleaner until youngest was a teen) Although if I'd had a bloody enormous place like the OP I'd have had to have one as couldn't have coped

Surely the entire house doesn't need cleaning, can you shut some rooms off so you've only got 2 bathrooms to clean? Bedrooms don't really get dirty like kitchens and bathrooms. A robot mop/ vacuum might be worth getting? Do you have a lot of clutter that needs dusting?
If you want a cleaner though, just get one. If the kids have to drop one club I'm sure they will survive on the other four clubs, and you'll have less running around to do as well as less cleaning. Sounds like a win for everyone.

I dunno that house sounds more like a millstone. Husband works away to pay for it, kids are either at school or clubs so not there to really enjoy it and the OP bogged down with housework.

Doesn't really sound ideal tbh

Life is far too short to waste it doing housework, unless you really love it - and some people find it therapeutic, it's their right.

It's irrelevant if you work or not, if you are "busy" or not. You could be a single woman with no pet, no child, no job and still have a cleaner. No one needs to martyr themselves, and surely we have moved away from the 50s and the idea that women must take pride on doing their own dusting.

No one resent a single man for having a cleaner!

The ONLY issue is financial. I am not sure I would remove a club, but would look at swapping 1 for a cheap or free one. Many schools run teacher-led free after-school clubs for example.

I live in a "visitor-ready" home because I hate mess, but I pity these women who put their worth in their ability to clean

Wow. Thats big

I have no idea of size 😳😳

googled and mine is 850/1000 roughly

Mine is about 6t0 square feet

But it doesn't have to be worth an absolute fortune. Here's another 6,000 feet house for 1.6 million, not 25 million. That 1.6 million also includes 8 acres of land.
Depending on which bits of the story are true, it could be that OP was seduced by the opportunity to swap eg a modest London house for a mansion in the sticks and are now finding they can't manage the cost/work involved in the maintenance. Like. al ot of people who moved from London under COViD.

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/166326899#/floorplan?activePlan=1&channel=RES_BUY

Incidentally, how come OP's husband managed to refurbish himself if he's away from home most of the time? Also, why extend a 6,000 feet house? Then find you can't maintain it?

I don't think we have the whole story here.

You should do what’s best for you and your family. Have you passed your tax free allowance on to your DH while you’re not working? That would save a pretty penny if not!

Honestly, I'd pay someone to clean my house even if I didn't work and had no DC, and could afford it. I hate this moral imperative on women to take pride in keeping their home clean and tidy - if you hate doing a task and can afford to outsource it, do it.

In your case OP, I'd weigh up the impact of a DC losing a club vs the impact of continuing as is - only you know the intricacies of the situation, and your DCs and how they'd feel

Exactly this.you have a 2yo. Almost nothing gets done and involving a 2yo means x100 more the mess.
Not sure what 2yo people had but all I know where all consuming and you can’t do anything.
i would cut a club and get the cleaner. I’m pretty sure you still run the home very well with 3 kids - you don’t need to be burning yourself out to prove it.

same here. A properly cleaned home is SO important to dh and I. We have one 2x a week and I’m a sahm!

I’m intrigued what clubs they do and what cost

I would seriously think about down sizing

you are in a house you can’t afford

Nothing wrong with paying a cleaner, I don't work and we have a cleaner 3 hours a week. However YABU to expect the kids to give something up to pay for it. Either you can afford it or you can't, if it's really important to you I'd be looking to make savings elsewhere in order to pay for it.

Doesn't her dh need to be paying basic income tax for that to work out?

If anyone, like me, needs help picturing 6,000sq ft house, I’ve put together this handy little guide 😂 I did a quick google of 6,000sq ft homes.

there’s no way I could keep this clean myself. Looks like a full time job to me! But then I’m used to my little home and just about manage with that.

genuine question, how do you end up with a house this big, but can’t afford £200 a month for a cleaner?

Enjoys them i bet

Get a cleaner life’s too short (I hate cleaning and don’t live in a massive house but have 3 DC!) 🎉

I'd get a cleaner - don't hesitate. Big houses are so much work. Ours is nowhere near as big, a large 4bed with 2 bathrooms, and it is a lot of work. It's never all clean at the same time. You have 3 dc, even if 2 are at school, it's not like they don't live there!

Would cutting one club really pay for it, though? My kids are in a few clubs and they are all around £30 a month, which is less than a week's pay for a 2-hour clean.You might find it easier looking at food bills.

Do you have any idea how much care a 6000 sq ft house needs?

I had 4 under 5 and worked and paid a cleaner for a house a fraction of the size. That is not because I’m lazy its because I’m not a self appointed martyr to housework. Now I have what most would describe as a fairly large family house but it is still not a lot more than half the size of the OP’s. My DC are grown, I still have a cleaner.

The OP needs to cut the clubs, reduce bathroom usage to 2, consider a robot vacuum but also to get a regular cleaner and probably help with the garden.

They also need a serious discussion about DH’s “dream house” - either they need more income or they need a more manageable house. Fur coat houses are all well and good but you need to be able to afford the knickers.