Having a cleaner but no job

[Mrspepperpotpot]

A few months ago I lost my job, I’m actually really really enjoying being at home with my 2 year old. He isn’t in any childcare at the moment, we had a nanny prior to me losing my job. We also have a 5yo and a 7yo, obviously fulltime at school, they do a few clubs in the week but no wrap around.

Our house is very big. Nearly 6000sqft and an acre garden. 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms

We’ve never had a gardener, but we did have a cleaner once a fortnight for 6 hours when I was working. When I lost my job we let the cleaner go as I was going to be at home all the time.

The thing is im finding it really hard to keep on top of. I did a fair amount of cleaning even with the cleaner but I think I’m ALOT slower and my son now doesn’t nap so although he tags along with some of the cleaning he obviously gets bored after a while.

I’ve tried schedules etc and they do work but it just feels a lot.

We could afford a cleaner probably but would have to maybe stop a club or something to compromise

Am I being lazy? I’m at home literally all the time! I feel AWFUL that I’m getting overwhelmed with just some cleaning!’

Cleaning a 6000 sq ft house sounds like a job in itself. Plus cleaning is sooo boring. Definitely get the cleaner.

I totally understand this view, but OP might be more present/fun with the little one if she’s doing a bit less cleaning, which could be nice for him.

If they do 5 clubs a week and are not that bothered about them all, then it’s obviously less harsh to remove one than if they do one much-loved club a week.

With all the clubs that’s a lot of driving and waiting… sounds like you’ve taken on a lot OP.

I’ve never had a cleaner sadly but when I looked a few years ago it was £20/hour. So a bit more than what you pay where you are. My son’s football is £20/month, Taekwando is £40, swim is £32… my daughter is a teenager and a serious dancer so dropping her dance classes would cover a cleaner but the primary ages clubs wouldn’t come anywhere near covering £200/month.

Inherently I think the OP has a ridiculously large home and should move somewhere sustainable. It seems so stressful already and kids only get more expensive as they get older.

This is a good tip. But without hating on play pens (we used one), is sticking a kid in a playpen while you hoover really better than removing a club?

OP said they do loads, like 5 each, which I think does sound like quite a lot. I’d be inclined to reduce that a little, I think, and get some cleaning help. Might make for nicer weekends too if OP is not flat out

You say you lost your job but not whether you are planning to get another one. If you are then definitely get a cleaner.

Do you have a washing machine? I can’t believe people let people help them in the house by using a washing machine thst some one else made, good mothers use wash boards and mangles. Do you buy your bread, goodness how lazy , you should make your own. Do your parents sometimes help with your kids, you should refuse and do it all yourself.

My point is that we all have help in different ways, some less obvious than others. Some people might judge having a cleaner but so what if you can afford it and it makes you happier and gives you time and energy to focus on other things.
Enjoy your time with your children, in many other countries and in the past no-one would have thought twice about a woman with 3 young children having a cleaner.

I suspect the reason you cant manage all the cleaning is between having a toddler and spending hours running your older kids to various clubs you have no time. Honestly cut the clubs down a bit.

I work with kids although after school clubs can be beneficial that many is more likely doing more harm than good to all of you. Kids need downtime and a mum running around to 10 different activities whilst trying to manage a toddler just creates exhaustion. Its also very unfair on the toddler to spend loads of time sitting in a car. 5 clubs a week per child is not sustainable when you have 3 kids or fair on the child who gets dragged all over the place. If you dont cut down its going to be 15 clubs a week in 3 years time.

Get the cleaner if your struggling but cut down the clubs to.

My dc have at points done 4 clubs a week just at school, they offer morning, lunch, & after school ones ranging from chess to cheerleading. It’s not a given that attending clubs = loads of time in the car & they are no longer than 45 mins.

OP do you like a very clean house? It might be you need in this phase to make sure perfect isn’t the enemy of good enough. Could you limit it to 30 mins a day and try to limit it to one cleaning task? And could your other half help with some of it? Eg changing bed sheets takes half the time with help (I feel like a male arm span also helps!).

If it’s exhausting you though and making you miserable my feeling would be you are still prioritising being a good mum by getting the help you need and cancelling 1 of 5 kids clubs. There are no prizes for exhaustion and if you’re happy your kids will be xxx

Get a cleaner. Don’t be guilted into doing it yourself. Life is short.

Do what you want. It's more time with your toddler if not cleaning which might be (probably is if you are very focussed on him) better than a club. If you do get a cleaner for a shorter time just have them do the bathrooms and kitchen so a proper job is done. I might ask for just the bathrooms with a couple of hours weekly. Will just help you to feel less overwhelmed.

Genuinely- WTF is a vibe check???

Get the cleaner! 5 clubs for 5 and 7 year old is too much. You can cut down a bit.

Do you also have 3 children including 1 toddler with you at all times while you clean and manage the land?

most sahp cannot afford cleaners, in fact most 2 working parents can’t either. It’s just a matter of organisation and scheduling, plus both of you pitching in.

@Realisation14. Only 2 dc but yes I did, I also worked managing the apartment block which meant communal spaces cleaning, collecting rents (in person, different country) and associated paperwork, dealing with contractors, looking after gardens, plus 2 dc one autistic at home. Forget having a cleaner, I was a cleaner!

I don’t think you’re being lazy - looking after a 2 year old full time is basically a job.

But you can’t afford it if the way to pay for it is children dropping a clubs.

If I had a 6000 square foot house plus an acre garden I would have ensured I could afford a housekeeper and a gardener, if I had to maintain that size house myself, or could only afford a cleaner once every two weeks by taking an activity away from my child, then I would think I had purchased a property that is beyond my means.

I also have 5 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms and half a hectare. I don't work and we have a cleaner. If you can afford it, keep the cleaner but maybe learn how to clean more efficiently too.

Not specifically about the cleaner vs clubs conundrum but .... OP and her husband need to have a long serious look at their finances. 5 clubs a week would be fine if they are things like afterschool football run for, say, 45 minutes, and fairly cheaply at school. However, if you are thinking that "stopping a club" would be enough to pay for a cleaner they must be properly expensive clubs. This is ridiculous for 7 and 5 year olds and makes me think (coupled with the house that is too big for you) that you are living beyond your means. This is only going to get worse.

Most clubs dont add up to the cost of a cleaner, though. Cleaners are usually £15-22 per hour depending on the area.

So say £18 x 3 hours per week/6 hrs per fortnight, that's £56 per week. What kids club costs £56 per week? There maybe are some, somewhere, but the most I've spent was £20 a week on horseriding lessons. Still a long way off £56 though.

My kids current clubs range from literally £1 up to £12.

I’d look at a cleaner do a few of the tasks and look at a different timescale to you had before.

So rather than 6 hours every 2 weeks what about 2 hours a week and they focus on kitchen and bathrooms?

you might find it easier to keep on top of with weekly cleans and it’ll be cheaper which may mean you don’t need to stop a club?

But yes with a house that size, a huge gardens 3 kids, a DH working away and 10 clubs minimum to juggle with a toddler in tow I think it’s reasonable to have a cleaner you can afford it.

I agree. This is a good point. I missed that it was the OPs idea to stop clubs and thought an early poster had suggested it and didn't know how much the OPs kids clubs were.

So maybe they are genuinely extortionate. Would stopping one club really make a cleaner affordable @Mrspepperpotpot?

OPs their mum. She presumably knows whether the club is more valuable/enjoyable than being at home and can weigh that in. I'm just trying to point out this doesn't need to be seen as a 'selfish' choice, as OP want the extra hours to spend better time with her youngest so he's not 'trailing after her' while she cleans.

I wouldn’t cut back on my kids activities so that I could get out of doing general housework I just can’t be arsed to do if I was home all the time and had all day long to get it done. Seriously. How hard can it be.