Having a cleaner but no job

[Mrspepperpotpot]

A few months ago I lost my job, I’m actually really really enjoying being at home with my 2 year old. He isn’t in any childcare at the moment, we had a nanny prior to me losing my job. We also have a 5yo and a 7yo, obviously fulltime at school, they do a few clubs in the week but no wrap around.

Our house is very big. Nearly 6000sqft and an acre garden. 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms

We’ve never had a gardener, but we did have a cleaner once a fortnight for 6 hours when I was working. When I lost my job we let the cleaner go as I was going to be at home all the time.

The thing is im finding it really hard to keep on top of. I did a fair amount of cleaning even with the cleaner but I think I’m ALOT slower and my son now doesn’t nap so although he tags along with some of the cleaning he obviously gets bored after a while.

I’ve tried schedules etc and they do work but it just feels a lot.

We could afford a cleaner probably but would have to maybe stop a club or something to compromise

Am I being lazy? I’m at home literally all the time! I feel AWFUL that I’m getting overwhelmed with just some cleaning!’

I wouldn’t stop a club to pay for it, if we were that tight I’d do it myself personally. I’d try to focus on a few rooms a day to make it more manageable. I don’t work and we have a cleaner once a week and a gardener every so often, but we don’t have to compromise anything to afford it, if we did I’d probably do it myself.

Go for it. I have a much, much smaller home than you but a disabled husband, a very demanding job and am exhausted most of the time because care has to fit around that too (significant personal care needs.) If I could afford a cleaner, I would. I see no point in judging/shaming either the size of your home or your choices, I just think life is too short to worry what other people might think!

and a toddler?

Have a medal. Fuck sake.

It's not a competition.

Possibly a pony!🐎

6000sq feet is huge. We have 3500 sq feet, 6 beds, three baths, three receptions, big hall, etc, and a weenie 1/2 acre.

DD lives here half the time (27), DS is married and has flown, I'm semi-retired.

The cleaner does 2 x 3 hours per week (includes ironing), we also have a gardener - 3hpw. We just about keep on top of things.

I have always had a cleaner. When I was a single girl, when I was a SAHM for 7 years.

I cannot imagine having three dc, including a toddler and managing 6000sq feet and an acre withoit a cleaner. Do previous posters comprehend how big a 6000 sq foot hiuse is?

If you can find it from your own luxury money then it’s totally fine. Taking a club from a child not so good.

do you have a robot vacuum/mop? I recently got one and it’s life changing. Can’t handle under the table when a toddler has been eating etc and obviously doesn’t pick up toys but so long as you clear the floor at night it saves you doing floors. For the kitchen clean it while you cook. Do you have a table in there? Toddler can do some activities or eat while you sort kitchen. I only have the one bathroom but I clean it while I bath the kids and then do the bath once they out. If I had room to hang washing in the kitchen and stick it in the utility out the way once it’s hung I would do that.

beds your older two can strip and help put the sheets on. If you use the washable duvets then they don’t have to manage that. Or get a cleaner just for two hours to do beds and bathrooms.

Reduce your bathroom usage.

Drop it down to 2 (just lock or rotate them) and it will be wayyyy easier.

I do think with a 2 yo it should be possible.

We have 5 bedroom and ours is 2200 sq ft it takes me ages because there is stuff everywhere if the rooms were bigger and surfaces clear its quicker. But in mind mind that's 4000sq ft - 6000 is a lot. .there must be rooms you can avoid using... eg eat all meals in kitchen diner not dinning room.

Also worth considering getting an eufy to do your floors and hoover

Get your cleaner back - I think it does wonders for your mental health!

Definitely get a cleaner! If your DH works away a lot (does that include weekends?) then you’re doing 100% of the mental load of parenting when he’s away and you need time to yourself too. You probably only get that when the kids go to bed, so that’s not the time to be cleaning the house!

I think children benefit more from a relaxed and happy Mum than from lots of clubs, especially at primary school age. And if it means you’d have more time to do fun things together at the weekend, everyone wins!

I don’t work nor do I have kids and I have a cleaner. I don’t like cleaning. I could spend hours cleaning and still wouldn’t get it to the same standard as a cleaner.

If you can afford it then do it.

If you can afford it and want a cleaner than go for it.

When you say you would be cutting kids clubs though, this doesn't sound affordable to you. Could you get a part time evening job to cover the cleaning cost?

I’m not working at the moment and we have a cleaner every fortnight. It doesn’t mean that I don’t clean in-between that but it means I don’t have to deep clean the bathroom / kitchen etc. on a regular basis anymore. I have one young DC at home and an older DC at school. I don’t feel guilty for having one!

Get a cleaner and enjoy your life. Having a 2yo isn't easy at all. Ignore the hate.

Totally agree.

When I was growing up, one of my friends lived in an enormous house without a cleaner. The mum was a slave to the house! Cannot think of anything worse.

If you can afford a 6,000 sqft house and one acre garden (this is unnecessarily high maintenance), you can afford a cleaner. Drop the club and use the extra time to focus on getting a new job.

I actually think that 5 clubs per child for a 5 year old and a 7 year old is too much. So yes if by dropping a club each you can afford a cleaner then go ahead and do that. I’m assuming that all the bathrooms are en-suite? So by taking one out of use it means one child has to use the bathroom in another child’s room? If that’s not the case and they are bathrooms for general household use then I would definitely drop the use of one of them and get your DC to share.

Do you enjoy living in such a large house? I remember a friend moving into a 5 bed house several years ago (she had 3 children like you) and all I could think of was how much effort it would take to clean !

Drop a club and get the cleaner. I have no idea how big my house is but it’s too big for dh and I to keep on top of while working full time BECAUSE we enjoy our down time too much to spend our weekends cleaning bathrooms and hoovering flights of stairs and wiping skirting boards down.
If we couldn’t afford it we’d have to suck it up and do it between ourselves but since we can afford it we’d pay to outsource it and it frees up so much time. What she does in 4 hours would take both of us cleaning for the same amount of time because we’d be distracted by doing stuff with the dc. They’re not even small but they’re great company.
No guilt here, obviously we still do clean things daily but just don’t dedicate hours of time to it.

Do you not have any personal luxuries or buy any premium products that could be cut back rather than cutting back on your DC's clubs? It seems like you will feel the benefit of a cleaner more than they will, so it's pretty poor if they are the ones that have to bear the cost, which is what you're suggesting.

There are a couple of posts on MN today about SAHM and I think that some posters really don’t like them. Some people would happily stick a child in front of a TV or screen while they get on with chores. I don’t agree with over use of screens. I became a SAHM when I had my children. I also had a cleaner because I just didn’t get anything done. My husband worked long hours and only came home at the weekend. We liked to have the weekend as family time. When the children went to school and I worked part time, I stopped the cleaner.
OP, if you can afford a cleaner have one but don’t cut down on your children’s activities to pay for this. Try and give up something else.

With 3 pre teen children there is no reason to be using 4 bathrooms , particularly if your husband is away . No way would I stop my children going to a club they enjoy , even if they were doing 10 a week so that I could have a cleaner .

You mean like bar work or stacking shelves ? That would be seriously bad economics! Plus which there are people who actually need the income from those PT evening jobs to put food on the table.

I don’t think the DC would lose out at all. The opposite in fact. Let them have a bit of time at home to chill. And to spend time with their mum who isn’t having to clean a 5 bedroom house.

I would be banning bathroom use to say 3 bathrooms max to lessen the cleaning lol

Yes, you need a cleaner! Honestly, if you can’t afford that then you need to downsize or find at least a PT job. Our house is a 5 bed and 3500 square foot and we have a cleaner every week and she doesn’t even manage it all sometimes. 6000 sq foot is almost mansion proportions and I can’t see how you could clean that alone to a good standard!

If your children won’t be devastated by cutting one of their many clubs, I think it’s fine.

My BIL and SIL are childfree, she barely works now and they have a cleaner. Why not if you can afford it? I really want a cleaner too!