Having a cleaner but no job

[Mrspepperpotpot]

A few months ago I lost my job, I’m actually really really enjoying being at home with my 2 year old. He isn’t in any childcare at the moment, we had a nanny prior to me losing my job. We also have a 5yo and a 7yo, obviously fulltime at school, they do a few clubs in the week but no wrap around.

Our house is very big. Nearly 6000sqft and an acre garden. 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms

We’ve never had a gardener, but we did have a cleaner once a fortnight for 6 hours when I was working. When I lost my job we let the cleaner go as I was going to be at home all the time.

The thing is im finding it really hard to keep on top of. I did a fair amount of cleaning even with the cleaner but I think I’m ALOT slower and my son now doesn’t nap so although he tags along with some of the cleaning he obviously gets bored after a while.

I’ve tried schedules etc and they do work but it just feels a lot.

We could afford a cleaner probably but would have to maybe stop a club or something to compromise

Am I being lazy? I’m at home literally all the time! I feel AWFUL that I’m getting overwhelmed with just some cleaning!’

I agree that a lot of posters don’t realise how big 6000 sq ft is, it is classed as a mansion, a robo vac isn’t going to cut it, at this size you need staff not a cleaner.

You sound very rich. You can afford both I’m sure

A club is not going to be that much to someone who lives in a huge mansion and can afford not to work

I would get the cleaner.
kids don’t need so many organised activities, use the time to go to a park or beach for free play (exploring) instead.

Get the cleaner op.

Mate, don’t feel guilty! We had a cleaner twice a week since I had my first child and it carries on now as they’re both in their early stages of secondary school. I’m also at home. Similar square footage home

Well obviously, but if you say that on mn you get accused of being jealous

Im really curious what a 6000sq ft house looks like?
<away to Google>

Sorry, but 5 clubs a week is insane. No 5 or 7 year old should be doing that many clubs. Children need down time to explore, play, read, be silly relax their little minds.

Agree, am assuming the nanny must have been doing a lot of household tasks? 6 hrs a week of a cleaner is only 1 hr a day?
how much extra mess is being made now with out nanny/cleaner, or is it now you’re realising how much they did?

I would drop one of the kids activities and pay a cleaner. Looking back some of the activities I did with my kids weren’t really of that much importance in the long term and I think kids benefit from not being over scheduled. You would all benefit more from you being less stressed. I’m looking at this with hindsight, when my kids were young I would have felt selfish and not taken my own advice.

This is spot on. If OP can cut back on personal “luxuries”? Fair enough. To put that on her children? No.

I wrote “luxuries” because I know that what counts as a luxury varies from person to person. I’m using it to mean anything non-essential that doesn’t affect the rest of the family. Things like the hairdresser, spa days, golf, wine or grabbing a coffee to go.

A 6,000 sq ft house is generally considered a
mansion or a high-end luxury property in the UK, often described as a "substantial family home" or country house. While definitions vary, 6,000 sq ft is significantly larger than the average UK home, providing ample space for numerous bedrooms, high-end amenities, and expansive grounds.
Here is the context for a 6,000 sq ft property in the UK:

• Size Definition: While some definitions for a "mansion" suggest a minimum of 8,000 sq ft, many real estate specialists consider homes over 5,000 to 6,000 sq ft as falling into the mansion category.
• Typical Features: A house of this size in the UK typically includes 5-10 bedrooms, multiple en-suites, a large kitchen/family area, separate entertaining rooms, and sometimes leisure facilities like a home cinema, gym, or swimming pool.
• Contextual Examples: Recent listings of 6,000 sq ft properties in the UK include detached, gated homes in premium areas with extensive gardens or surrounding woodland.
• "McMansion" vs. Mansion: While 6,000 sq ft is large, the distinction can sometimes be made based on whether it is a "McMansion" (a mass-produced, large home) or a "true" mansion (unique design, high-quality materials), though a 6,000 sq ft bespoke build is almost certainly viewed as a mansion.

In summary, a 6,000 sq ft home is considered a mansion by virtue of its size, luxury, and capacity to accommodate extensive living, working, and entertaining spaces.

Just out of curiosity, what do you do with your days?

Childcare for a 2 year old is a full-time job. You can’t really do that while cleaning a huge house. Presumably, that’s why you had a nanny AND a cleaner, rather than one person who did both.

So, if you want to spend time caring for the 2 year old, suggest your husband pays for a cleaner for at least his half of the cleaning, rather than cut back on kids’ activities.

But, if I may digress, there seems a wider point here. Do you actually discuss income/expenditure, parenting and household management as a couple and decide how to share it equitably in a way that’s best for you BOTH and your children, as your family grows and the kids’ needs change?

We don’t have a household income that matches our house, we can’t afford to live here basically but it’s my husbands dream house and he’s done his own extension etc to renovate.

He’s away a lot, he can’t help with any of the house stuff.

So, your DH wanted a huge dream home you can’t afford? Unless, you work full-time, presumably, which means you’d have to add in full-time childcare costs for three kids. And he doesn’t have time to clean? What would he do if you became ill, disabled, died or left him? Who did his cleaning before he met you?

He wanted three children but he’s away a lot? Why did he want children if he barely sees them? Who’d parent the children if anything happened to you? How would he parent the children if you split and had 50/50 childcare?

Who paid for the nanny and cleaner when you worked? Both of you equally? Or only you?

I have no subscriptions, memberships, don’t buy clothes (or if I do from charity shops) my moisturiser/shampoo etc is from Lidl, I don’t wear make up. We don’t eat out ever. I do my own hair. No nails or anything.

we all have a room each

You sound like an unpaid servant who lives alone in the attic! Did you spend any money on yourself before you had children? Do you ever go out and see friends or have hobbies? Have you thought about your life when the kids are older? Your pension?

More importantly, have you thought about what you’re role modelling to your kids: men are hardly ever at home; women (paid or unpaid - I assume the nanny and cleaner were women) do all the childcare and cleaning.

No judgement if you’ve thought about and discussed all this and your choice is SAHP with your DH working away to pay for everything. But is it really your choice? And is it best for the kids, who apparently hardly see their dad? And now stand to lose activities so the huge house can be cleaned.

And, more to the point, is it worth having a home you can’t afford and struggle to manage between you?

You could argue having to spend so much time cleaning takes you away from actually spending time with your children…!

At work or not at work, I don’t want my life to revolve predominantly around domestic tasks.

Yes, that is a luxury!

This is exactly what I was thinking. Sounds miserable to have such a huge house you can’t enjoy.

I would go for it personally! I loathe housework at the best of times .One less activity will be fine I think .It's a large house by the sounds of it.I hate how women are somehow seen to be "failing", if they employ some help around the home .Men wouldnt think twice!You have 3 young DC to take care of.

I’d close the door on 3 of the bathrooms and forget about them, spare room doesn’t need cleaning if no-one uses it.
But yea I would get a cleaner in your shoes, definitely

Sorry, but this is lazy!

One child at home and you can't keep on top of the cleaning?!

I had 3 under 4 at one point and managed to work, clean and everything in between. Manage your time better!

Having a cleaner sounds like a good idea but I would not taking from my kids to pay for it.

We don’t have a household income that matches our house, we can’t afford to live here basically

So how are you affording multiple clubs etc?

Given the husband’s fondness of living beyond his means I can only assume it’s polo or horseback riding or something like that.

I think you have more problems than a bit of dust.

I got a shark robot hoover when my cleaner left. It cost £200 plus (got it via an offer on Mumsnet) and it's brilliant. You do have to clear the floor which is not a bad thing for discipline, just like you have to tidy so a cleaner can clean. I was WFH yesterday, I set it off upstairs, shut doors where I do or don't want it to go and it potters around till it runs out it's battery. It goes under beds and furniture and is just brilliant.
Considering I was paying £40 a week for a 2 HR clean, it paid for itself pretty quickly.
Then I tend to clean the kitchen sink, stove top deep clean once a week which probably takes 15 mins. Bathrooms I tend to do when I am in them randomly... Notice the basin needs a wipe, do it after my teeth. Visitors coming, quick clean to the downstairs loo. So I don't tend to allocate a chunk of time to clean just do it here and there a few minutes. My house isn't spotless but it's probably mid way in tidy/cleanliness compared to friends. That's perfect for me.
In your shoes I would probably get a cleaner if you find it's unlikely you can manage as it really gets you down if you like things clean and you feel things are slipping away from you. In the grand scheme of things, being happy is better for the whole family than not being happy :)