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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having a cleaner but no job

221 replies

Mrspepperpotpot · 09/02/2026 21:10

A few months ago I lost my job, I’m actually really really enjoying being at home with my 2 year old. He isn’t in any childcare at the moment, we had a nanny prior to me losing my job. We also have a 5yo and a 7yo, obviously fulltime at school, they do a few clubs in the week but no wrap around.

Our house is very big. Nearly 6000sqft and an acre garden. 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms

We’ve never had a gardener, but we did have a cleaner once a fortnight for 6 hours when I was working. When I lost my job we let the cleaner go as I was going to be at home all the time.

The thing is im finding it really hard to keep on top of. I did a fair amount of cleaning even with the cleaner but I think I’m ALOT slower and my son now doesn’t nap so although he tags along with some of the cleaning he obviously gets bored after a while.

I’ve tried schedules etc and they do work but it just feels a lot.

We could afford a cleaner probably but would have to maybe stop a club or something to compromise

Am I being lazy? I’m at home literally all the time! I feel AWFUL that I’m getting overwhelmed with just some cleaning!’

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 09/02/2026 22:33

I would be banning bathroom use to say 3 bathrooms max to lessen the cleaning lol

And definitely get kids helping

TinselAngel · 09/02/2026 22:35

Just use one or two of the bathrooms.

Bluebigclouds · 09/02/2026 22:36

Id definitely get a cleaner

ISpyNoPlumPie · 09/02/2026 22:37

minipie · 09/02/2026 21:54

IMO it is ridiculous to be able to afford a 6000 sq ft house, acre garden, 3 kids, multiple clubs and SAHM but not have a cleaner.

I would rather have a cleaner than have such a massive house. I would rather have a cleaner than be a SAHM. I would rather have a cleaner than my young kids do 5 clubs each.

Admittedly I really dislike cleaning but I just think it’s mad to have all these trappings of wealth but not be able to enjoy it because you can’t afford any help to keep it in a decent state so you spend your whole life cleaning and gardening.

Strong agree. So strange to live this massively privileged life - by anyone’s standards, and yet the only way you could afford a cleaner is to cut out one of your kids’ activities. It almost seems unbelievable!

Next weeks’ instalment - I have to get my lobster and caviar from the food bank because my husband’s six figure salary barely covers the essentials 😢.

Obviously, get a cleaner. But also maybe budget better.

cestlavielife · 09/02/2026 22:39

Get the cleaner
Get another job.

How are you paying for heating council tax etc if a cleaner is such a big deal?

Original poster
Mrspepperpotpot · 09/02/2026 22:41

tachetastic · 09/02/2026 22:25

Do you not have any personal luxuries or buy any premium products that could be cut back rather than cutting back on your DC's clubs? It seems like you will feel the benefit of a cleaner more than they will, so it's pretty poor if they are the ones that have to bear the cost, which is what you're suggesting.

Edited
Show quote history

Honestly no!! I have no subscriptions, memberships, don’t buy clothes (or if I do from charity shops) my moisturiser/shampoo etc is from Lidl, I don’t wear make up. We don’t eat out ever. I do my own hair. No nails or anything

We don’t have a household income that matches our house, we can’t afford to live here basically but it’s my husbands dream house and he’s done his own extension etc to renovate,

OP posts:
BruFord · 09/02/2026 22:42

@ISpyNoPlumPie My assumption is that finances have got tighter since the OP was made redundant, Maintaining their lifestyle was fine on two salaries, now they’re having to budget more.

Edenmum2 · 09/02/2026 22:46

I think it’s fine to have a cleaner when you’re there but not at the expense of one of your kids clubs. What about if she came for 3 hours instead of 6?

Viviennemary · 09/02/2026 22:50

SunnyViper · 09/02/2026 21:13

I have a 6 bed, 5 bath home with 5 acres. I manage to clean and manage the land as well as work 20hrs a week🤷‍♂️

Well not all of us aspire to be Superwoman. If you can afford it get a cleaner.

minipie · 09/02/2026 22:55

Mrspepperpotpot · 09/02/2026 22:41

Honestly no!! I have no subscriptions, memberships, don’t buy clothes (or if I do from charity shops) my moisturiser/shampoo etc is from Lidl, I don’t wear make up. We don’t eat out ever. I do my own hair. No nails or anything

We don’t have a household income that matches our house, we can’t afford to live here basically but it’s my husbands dream house and he’s done his own extension etc to renovate,

Show quote history

Ok this is even more bonkers.

So DH gets his dream millstone house, which he’s hardly ever here to enjoy. Meanwhile you get to spend your days cleaning and gardening and living a very low income lifestyle so that he can have the ego stroke fancy house??

Either you need to get a new job pronto so you can actually afford the house, or the house has to go.

blueshoes · 09/02/2026 22:58

We don’t have a household income that matches our house, we can’t afford to live here basically but it’s my husbands dream house and he’s done his own extension etc to renovate,

It is your husband's dream house but it comes at quite a high cost to your lifestyle and savings.

A house this big is a liability because of the high maintenance costs. The costs, including the cleaner, eat into your disposable income and are an ongoing drain on your finances. You don't get little treats and luxuries or eat out. I hope your family manages to go on holidays.

The maintenance cost also prevent you from saving/investing more which will have a knock on effect on your retirement income and lifestyle.

You are of course hoping that the capital appreciation of the house will offset the ongoing costs before you sell it. You probably have to sell at some point otherwise you have a house that is not suitable for retirees and a potential inheritance tax headache.

I know I am digressing from the cleaner ...

cestlavielife · 09/02/2026 23:00

What is the point of living in this house you canmot afford?
Sell up and move

MrsKateColumbo · 09/02/2026 23:02

I wouldn't drop a club, esp gym if the child wants to do it semi seriously you cant do that on 1 session a week.

I can't comprehend how massive your house must be! Is it tidying or actually cleaning? Mine is 1/3 of that and feels huge. Yes to robot cleaner but honestly its the size of the house that's your issue

PurpleThistle7 · 09/02/2026 23:07

i can’t imagine a house that size so yes, seems impossible for one person to look after it. But surely you’ll need to do a lot more than cut a kids club? 6 hours twice a month will be hundreds and no kids club costs that much.

Titusando · 09/02/2026 23:08

I've got a cleaner and I'm not working either. Totally do it. I'm so much happier, and family time is just that!

Having a cleaner doesn't mean I do nothing, I still do household chores every day!

Ponoka7 · 09/02/2026 23:08

SunnyViper · 09/02/2026 21:13

I have a 6 bed, 5 bath home with 5 acres. I manage to clean and manage the land as well as work 20hrs a week🤷‍♂️

Probably because your youngest is a teen and the rest adults? Plus you've moved house, so have possibly decluttered. Stupid response.
@Mrspepperpotpot get a cleaner. Your children don't need that many clubs. Your eldest is getting to an age were they can start to do their own room, but they need time at home. Your children will benefit more from a less stressed mum.

Thechaseison71 · 09/02/2026 23:11

Coka · 09/02/2026 21:32

I was going to say YANBU until you said you would have to stop a club, is that a kids club? If so then to me it seems you cannot afford a cleaner. I would just lower standards for a while and let the house be a bit grubby if needed.

And kids are doing 5/plus clubs a week. Probably could do with dropping some They are both still young

Ponoka7 · 09/02/2026 23:11

@PurpleThistle7 how much are cleaners around your way? 12 hours would be £180 = £45 a week. That's £4.50 a club session.

5128gap · 09/02/2026 23:12

To look at it another way, you'd be taking an activity from one DC in order to give more time to another DC. How does that sit with you? Does that feel fair? Does the gain to the 2 year old justify the loss to the older child?

theadultsaretalking · 09/02/2026 23:24

Honestly, I don't work (I'm setting up my own business, but no income yet), and we have a cleaner, and I am perfectly ok with it.

I actually like cleaning and do a lot myself, but once a week, our house is done top to bottom, and it is all clean and shiny at once, and it makes me happy. I don't have many personal luxuries, so this is mine!

Having a cleaner also means that I am much kinder and less annoying to my teens and husband about their mess!

Thechaseison71 · 09/02/2026 23:24

5128gap · 09/02/2026 23:12

To look at it another way, you'd be taking an activity from one DC in order to give more time to another DC. How does that sit with you? Does that feel fair? Does the gain to the 2 year old justify the loss to the older child?

When do he 5 and 7 year old get time to chill out in their lovely home if they are at school or clubs?

SixtySomething · 09/02/2026 23:29

I find this post a little strange....

I reckon a large 5 bed executive detached house with 5 beds and three bathrooms would be c 2,500 feet.

So your house is apparently the size of 2 x large executive residences ...

You're apparently finding it hard to clean it with a 2 year old trailing behind you?

I can't see how it's possible to clean a house of that size with a 2 year old.

The cost of heating and maintaining a house of that size would be considerable.
The cost of a cleaner would be negligible within the overall upkeep costs.

If you can afford to live on that scale, you can afford a cleaner.

Australianhere · 09/02/2026 23:31

I was stressed beyond belief trying to clean and tidy with a toddler as she wasn’t able to play and was attached to me constantly (turns out she has AuDHD) so I couldn’t get anything done, so I do empathise with your situation. If it were me I would close off some unused rooms if you can. I’d get the cleaner but fewer hours and just for the jobs you’re not good at eg. For me it would be dusting and mopping.

Maybe rotate through the rooms tackling one or two each day and create a cleaning/tidying schedule. Can you clean the bathroom while kids are in the bath? That was how I’d get it done when mine was little. Can your husband and kids help with a nightly reset so you’re tidy in the morning? Decluttering is also essential if you want an easier to clean home. Do you have a lot of stuff? Is there anything you can sell perhaps?

I think 5 clubs is a lot, just from a tiredness perspective. You all need to balance activities with downtime and you must be running all over the place taking them to things. You’ll probably save on petrol and be less stressed with fewer activities.

treeowl · 09/02/2026 23:37

6000sq ft is insane! I grew up in a 3500 sq ft house (excluding loft) & I wouldn’t even live in a house that big. It’s too much work.

Letsgogo · 09/02/2026 23:45

Do it!
I had a cleaner as a SAHM and we were pretty poor at the time so it was a sacrifice but absolutely worth it. I’m so glad I did as it meant more time actually playing with my kids and finding fun things to do with them rather than a stressed mum always cleaning. It’s also reallly fine to cut expenditure on a children’s activity (which let’s face it are often more about keeping up with the middle class expectations than actually particularly beneficial). I’d bet the kids would be equally as happy with one less club and a less stressed mum. Go to the park or find a cheap swimming pool instead.