AIBU to think this is an inappropriate relationship?

[Playnoway]

Help please, I think this is a completely inappropriate relationship but my ex doesn’t seem to think there is an issue.

My DS is currently 9 years and I am a single mum. He lives with me Sunday night to Thursday after school and stays with dad Thursday till Sunday. Me and his dad broke up when he was only 6 months old and my husband moved in with his new partner 6 years ago and married her 3 years ago. They had a baby of their own 4 years ago.

His stepmum is lovely and I have no issues with her as a stepmum but as he gets older I’m finding their relationship even worse.

AIBU to think everything on this list is completely inappropriate for a stepmum? Should I speak to her or consider changing the arrangement for custody?

1. My DS has called her his best friend since he was 3 and he still does it now. He has loads of friends at school but still says this about her.
2. When she was pregnant she wouldn’t let anyone visit her daughter until my son had visited.
3. He goes to drama club every Thursday and he will only let her take him. He says it’s their special thing, it’s so weird for them to have a special thing she’s not his parent.
4. He will sit and cuddle her.
5. He says he loves her and she loves him. So weird in my opinion.
6. He says she’s his family, she isn’t she just married his dad.
7. She has always read him a book before bed. He says she’s the best reader. Why doesn’t his dad do this, why is this woman putting my son to bed?
8. He calls her parents nana and grandad and spends a lot of time with him. They take him places like play area and indoor play. They’re not his grandparents. Why is dad allowing this?

Please tell me I’m not unreasonable. This woman has a completely inappropriate relationship with my son and I want it to stop.

She sounds absolutely lovely. I don’t believe this thread is real; or it’s a reverse. I can’t believe anyone would be bothered by a stepmother in a child’s life for 6 years doing any of these things.

You should be thanking your lucky stars that your child has a safe adult around him who loves him and who wants to make sure he feels like an important part of their family, rather than just an inconvenience who is interfering with their weekends. She sounds a better stepmother than your ex is a father.

Grow the fuck up.

Your ex and his wife have the best days - Thursday, Friday, Saturday and most of Sunday. I’d switch this around so you get to spend that special time with your son. At the moment, all the special time is with his step mum.

His stepmum is lovely

Everything that you have listed, all of your ‘concerns, back up your statement. She sounds lovely and your son obviously thinks so too so what’s the problem?

Im seriously not seeing anything wrong.
She sounds like a lovely woman who cares for you son. That's a good thing isnt it?

Your tone's off. This is a reverse, isn't it?

A reverse surely?

Reverse's are so boring. No idea why people go to the bother of them.

I think the "best friend" thing probably comes from her telling him that she is not his Mum - cos that's you OP - what she is not, rather than emphasising the friendship particularly. She likely told him gently once that she is not his Mum but will be his friend (a good step-parent role). You and your DS have got lucky with her, compared to the alternative. How lovely for him to have safe, caring, stable adults in his life - it could have been so different. Be glad for him.

This has to be a joke, she sounds excellent.

Surely the reaction of most people would be delight and relief that your son was happy, secure and loved in the home in which he spends half the week, rather than than feeling unwanted, othered, and as if he is worth less than the new family his father has created? It’s his feelings that matter here, not yours.

Nothing here sounds inappropriate, OP.

She sounds lovely, like she cares for your son, is trying to build a specific relationship with him that is not a 'mum' relationship so as not to step on your toes, and is trying make sure he doesn't have a negative reaction to a new baby.

If there's an issue it's that his relationship with his dad seems to missing.

If after SIX YEARS you're still this jealous, it would be very beneficial to seek some form of therapy.

You said yourself that she is lovely.
She couldn't help but 'fall in love' with the little boy he was when she met him , she is treating him as her own and what's more it sounds like her own family does too.
There is nothing you can do about the fact that they have a naturally mutual happy relationship, be grateful it could have been entirely different.
Ps i think its truly lovely how he was the first to meet his little sister , what a thoughtful woman.

This is so sad to read. As a Mum you shouldn’t have to feel like this and I can understand how hurtful it must feel. Sadly it’s just something you’re going to have to carry, because she isn’t really doing anything wrong. It is right that your son got to meet his sibling before anyone outside the family did. It would be worse if she was horrible and your son was still stuck with her.

Sounds like a perfectly normal stepmum / stepchild relationship to me.

It’s not inappropriate. You’re just jealous.

She sounds like a brilliant step mother and very similar to my ‘step’ dad (I think of him as my dad).

How wonderful that she’s in your son’s life. Imagine how awful it would be if she didn’t care and made your son feel ‘less than’ (like my step mother did).

I think you should count yourself lucky and stop moaning she sounds like she has an amazing bond with your son and has his best interests at heart.

He has lots of extra people who love him! This is a great thing surely! Especially that it is his stepmom’s family who are treating him like family. There are so many stories here of step families who don’t want to include a step child because they aren’t blood and it’s terribly sad. This is something to be celebrated if it makes your child feel secure and loved. i get it’s uncomfortable for you but surely he comes above everything else.

If I had met a man who had a three year old, how could you not "mother" them they are little darlings. She came into his life when he was very young and I would be so grateful my ex chose a warm kind woman to be stepmother. It would sting though of course.

It sounds like your son has a lovely stepmum and a wonderful relationship with her and his sister. He'll certainly need a decent female role model if you're going to continue to act so possessive and jealous over him.

I understand why this hurts you but she sounds amazing. Shes his sisters mum, shes made space for him in their home.

I mean i do think his dad should do stories, but for me thats more his dad could do more and no reflection on her. She isnt suggesting he call her mum shes just making sure he has a home and a good relationship with his sister and that her family treats him like her daughter.

Your son is so lucky to have her as extended family. And youre lucky too. Shes an asset to you even if it hurts a bit.

It’s nice she has this relationship with him. My step grandparents both treated me as a granddaughter which was nice of them. In fact I’m or was their only granddaughter. My own step mum when she married my dad even offered me and DB to live with them full time when older and even when they divorced I kept a good relationship with my step mum.

Is there a huge back story here or is this a reverse?