AIBU to think this is an inappropriate relationship?

[Playnoway]

Help please, I think this is a completely inappropriate relationship but my ex doesn’t seem to think there is an issue.

My DS is currently 9 years and I am a single mum. He lives with me Sunday night to Thursday after school and stays with dad Thursday till Sunday. Me and his dad broke up when he was only 6 months old and my husband moved in with his new partner 6 years ago and married her 3 years ago. They had a baby of their own 4 years ago.

His stepmum is lovely and I have no issues with her as a stepmum but as he gets older I’m finding their relationship even worse.

AIBU to think everything on this list is completely inappropriate for a stepmum? Should I speak to her or consider changing the arrangement for custody?

1. My DS has called her his best friend since he was 3 and he still does it now. He has loads of friends at school but still says this about her.
2. When she was pregnant she wouldn’t let anyone visit her daughter until my son had visited.
3. He goes to drama club every Thursday and he will only let her take him. He says it’s their special thing, it’s so weird for them to have a special thing she’s not his parent.
4. He will sit and cuddle her.
5. He says he loves her and she loves him. So weird in my opinion.
6. He says she’s his family, she isn’t she just married his dad.
7. She has always read him a book before bed. He says she’s the best reader. Why doesn’t his dad do this, why is this woman putting my son to bed?
8. He calls her parents nana and grandad and spends a lot of time with him. They take him places like play area and indoor play. They’re not his grandparents. Why is dad allowing this?

Please tell me I’m not unreasonable. This woman has a completely inappropriate relationship with my son and I want it to stop.

OP if your son is happy, loved and cared for, you should be happy. Surely this is what we want for our children.

I'll assume you just don't know what GLOAT means. Let's fix that....

. : to observe or think about something with triumphant and often malicious satisfaction, gratification, or delight

Surely you're not actually accusing the 9 year-old boy of gloating.

I can't help thinking that there is quite a back scenario with all this. Something like - OP was young and immature when she had DS, may have had other problems or issues that meant she was not able to care for DS properly, so his father had custody or most of it. Then he met and married his now wife who stepped up with OP's ex to look after the DS all or most of the time, with custody later adapted to for OP to take more part in DS life. It seems OP has taken a backseat, for whatever reason, maybe good reason, in raising DS. Speculation I know - would you care to comment on how accurate OP?
There is a sense from your posts that you don't feel confident enough about being DS' mother, but at the same time resent the SM as she is doing a good job. If you do have issues that hold you back OP, get help with them, don't give up. Age 9 is not too old for you to build a good bond with DS - you have time, but need to do it while he is still young. It is great that he has a positive home life with your ex, but please don't let him pick up negativity from you about the SM. That would create awful conflict in him, very hard for a child to cope with and is quite unnecessary. This is about fixing your own issues, not looking at other people. There is help out there to do it. Thinking about you and wishing you a lot of positives.💗🍀

It’s a bit weird that you don’t have holidays with you boy because he doesn’t want to chill around the pool like a grown up.
also I think I’d be overjoyed if my kids had a loving relationship with two parents, the more the merrier when it comes to loving supportive family

As a stepmum you never expect anything! When I got married my DSS (12) who has known me since he was 3, asked me if I wanted him to call me Mum, turns out he felt like I'd "earned" something but wasn't sure how to articulate it. Of course he doesn't, but he recognises that I've always got his back and I adore him (and his sister) Surely the more loving adults around a child the better? I fail to see how this threatens your bond.

You’re totally unreasonable. She sounds fab.

100%
My first step mum was a huge part of my life from when I was about 3-11. And god that woman was amazing. She 100% treated me like her own and always put me first. Tbh my bio dad was only really a decent dad during that time because of her.

It killed me when they divorced 😞 (though we did write to each other and meet up- but had to hide that cos my bio dad would have gone ballistic). I'm incredibly happy for her that later in life she met so eone wonderful and they are happily married. (She always deserves better than my bio dad). And her and my mum got on really well too. I think cos my mum knew I was in good hands with her and that she looked after me.

My second step mum was.....well literally just more of of my bios dad wife. When I used to go round to visit, they'd leave me alone in the living room whilst they had dinner (never asked me to join) and was never one invited to stay over even though she had a mansion and plenty of space, I honestly never felt comfortable in that house, to the point I basically felt I had to ask permission to ven go to ten toilet. My bio dad made a huge deal about taking me and my step sister on holiday with them and then...just left me out of that.

Thigh tbh my bio dad has just as much issue with my (stepdad). Vividly remember an arguement where he told me "he's not your real dad I am". But tbh my dad has done all of the actual dad stuff, he's the one who's been there for me my entire life and supported me. He's always treated me and loved me as his own (as did his parents-who I'll always consider my grandparents). He was everything my bio dad wasn't.