To bring up a colleagues sexual assault at work

[Purplenote]

OK so its a weird question I know and prob very obvious answer but just checking...
I recently read an article in a national newspaper and it was about a lady who had waived her right to anonymity in order to name her attacker. I was shocked and saddened to realise I know the girl (she was both named and photographed). I work in the same company and often deal directly with her albeit mostly over microsoft teams, we are similar age so we are friendly and would chat away at the coffee dock but def not friends outside of work. Tomorrow we will be onsite at an event together and if we have a moment just the 2 of us, do I say to her "I'm was so sorry to read about what you experienced" or just keep my mouth shut?
I don't want her to think that I don't care or don't believe her if i say nothing, but then I don't want to make uncomfortable or upset at work.

Just to say she also gave an interview to the newspaper about her experience.

Don’t mention it, you will most likely make her feel very uncomfortable.

It sounds like you only want to say something to her because of how you feel.

You are at work.
I presume you will have actual work to discuss

Yes funnily enough we often talk about other things not just work

I’d talk to her normally. If she mentions the article then you can too

Oof no - it's not work related and is very personal and upsetting. Definitely don't bring it up.

Maybe pick your timing so it doesn’t impact or risk derailing her day. She sounds a strong brave admirable woman, if I mentioned anything it would be something along those lines.

Don’t bring it up. If she does then fine but it’s not your place to bring it up

id say she was very brave

I wouldn’t bring it up unless she does first.

To use one of the phrases in your post, you keep your mouth shut.

Given it’s been made public (by her), including in the paper, I think it would be appropriate to say you’ve seen the article and you’re impressed by her taking a stand like that.

I think that would be better than sympathy - you’re recognising her bravery, not casting her as a victim.

Honestly, if she's given an interview it's because she wants to raise awareness. Which is bloody amazing.

If I was sufficiently friendly I think I'd go with something like - "please tell me if you'd rather not talk about it, but I saw your interview and I think what you've done is brilliant."

So it's about the interview, not the assault, if that makes sense.

You do not need to bring it up at all. Just talk to her as you normally would I sure she would prefer that than you bringing up the past because you want a pity party.

I think it’s probably best not to mention but if you do want to, then by an email or text message rather than face to face would be better I think so that she’s not put on the spot in front of people when she may not have time to go and compose herself if she needs to.

I think saying ‘I saw your article and I really admire your courage’ or something is better than apologising for what she experienced or feeling sorry for her.

If you get the opportunity to do it privately, then I would say I was sorry about her experience, that I'd read about in the article/interview & if she ever needed to talk about it I was there. It's difficult.

Hmm this is a tricky one. If I felt like I knew her well I would probably send a message and say you had read the article and that you think she is brave for doing so. Then leave it open eg. If you ever want to talk, let me know.

I think if I were in her situation I wpuld appreciate the acknowledgement.

If you are there for a work meeting, bringing that up could upset her and cause her problems for the meeting.
If she asks if you saw the article, best keep it brief, i.e., yes i did see. I hope you are beginning to heal

Agree, this is about your need op . Which we’ve all been guilty of at one point I am sure.

That is a lot of “I” when she’s the one who was assaulted. As someone who had been the victim of a sexual assault I’d be saying why are you sorry !

Keep it zipped if she wanted to talk to you about it she would.

I would absolutely bring it up & show her solidarity. She went public

What a catty response.

I'd either not mention it op or just say you saw the article and she is very brave.

I would if the situation felt appropriate, she did something amazing, that should be acknowledged.

I wouldn't bring it up, no. Waiving anonymity doesn't automatically mean that you want to discuss it at any and all times. She's at work, the chat should be about work or about general topics, not about personal matters. I very much doubt that she or anyone else would think that you don't care about her wellbeing or that you don't believe her by not bringing it up in conversation.