To bring up a colleagues sexual assault at work

[Purplenote]

OK so its a weird question I know and prob very obvious answer but just checking...
I recently read an article in a national newspaper and it was about a lady who had waived her right to anonymity in order to name her attacker. I was shocked and saddened to realise I know the girl (she was both named and photographed). I work in the same company and often deal directly with her albeit mostly over microsoft teams, we are similar age so we are friendly and would chat away at the coffee dock but def not friends outside of work. Tomorrow we will be onsite at an event together and if we have a moment just the 2 of us, do I say to her "I'm was so sorry to read about what you experienced" or just keep my mouth shut?
I don't want her to think that I don't care or don't believe her if i say nothing, but then I don't want to make uncomfortable or upset at work.

She probably waived anonymity in spite of the fact people would bring it up in conversation, not because of that.

You are brave I think.

It's hardly surprising you lost faith after your experiences. I am not surprised at all. But I am reallt sorry for what you have been through.

So many of us. It's so wrong and unfair.

There is a thing called empathy

I have a friend who did something similar, and I think her experience was going around thinking that people recognised her and weren’t saying anything, in a way it was better for her to just get it out in the open. But she is an activist so maybe diffferent. If you choose to do it, absolutely you need to be very careful of picking your moment and not coming at it from a position of pity.

Don't mention it. Let her bring it up if she wishes to talk about it

Read the comment above from the lady who has actually had 1st hand experience and read what she's said. Support is not about you or for you it’s for the other person.

I’ve read several comments and clearly everyone has conflicting views and opinions on this. I still do not think it’s appropriate to bring it up at work.

Ok, well I asked because I didnt know what you felt, given your OP seems to imply you know the 'obvious answer' (which I assumed meant you would want to say something), I was only asking as well

I dont think there is an obvious answer, there isnt a right or wrong and I think people need to have permission to do what their gut says but then perhaps not always get it 'right' as it were

If you feel its better to say something then do, if not then dont. Thats all you can do. You cant second guess this sort of thing

Will it leave you with regret if you think, I should have said someething and now have missed the moment.

Keep.Your.Mouth.Shut

Why would you now recast her as a victim you feel sorry for.

If you say anything, commend her on her bravery. Don't take away any more of her agency.

Why would someone be randomly googling a colleagues name?

Maybe she just wants to put it behind her and feel there's more to her life than this one topic, especially at work. I wouldn't mention it unless she does.

Empathy would be not mentioning it unless she mentions it first.

Some do apparently….

You think the op just happened to google her colleague during the week that she was all over the national news?

Im sure it's different for different people.

Doing something because of how you feel isn't empathy. Empathy would be you trying to understand how she feels and respecting her wishes, and she hasn't mentioned the assault.
Like ThatLilacTiger said, she waived anonymity in spite of the fact people would bring it up in conversation, not because of it.

So what you are saying is your need to do 'something' is more important than her? If she hasn't mentioned it then it is none of your business it is not about you

Not a clue…. Not seen owt on the news tbh

I wouldn’t mention it during the day, but I’d either try and catch her at the end, or send her a message afterwards to say I’d read it and was immensely impressed by her courage.

This is exactly what I came to post. There's a big difference between "I'm sorry for what happened to you" and "I saw you on telly and I admire you for being so brave in making a stand". If you do choose to say anything then please go for something along the lines of the latter.

do I say to her "I'm was so sorry to read about what you experienced" or just keep my mouth shut?

The second one.

If she brings it up first, then you can talk about it.

Is it the woman who was ignored by the police?

If so I would probably say something to support her bringing out into the public about the police's ineptness.

No that's not the case and we are not based in the UK.

🙄🙄🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

Definately yes! She will feel really supported and seen. I would just say something like, ' I saw your article, that was really brave, I bet it's helped lots of women that you've spoken out'