To think DD should get the rail replacement bus

[WrongKindOfWaterOnTheTrack]

DD goes to college in a city about 40 miles away from our home. Lots of kids from our area do as the college in town doesn’t have a great reputation. The city college also actively recruited, taking DD & the rest of her set to open days to talk about their Oxbridge scheme etc.

the commute is usually about 10 min drive to the station, and about 1h15 on the train. However the trainline is now in its 3rd week of closure due to flooding. This happened last year and actually also earlier this year, and sometimes DD has taken the replacement bus, but she hates it. She says she can’t get any work done, it takes much longer than the train does, & I think she finds the uncertainty stressful (it’s not clear always what times the buses will go or whether there will be space for everyone). She hasn’t gone into college once during this current closure.

It is true that the bus takes even longer than the usual commute would do, and I think she enjoys having time to fit in exercise etc without spending so much time on the commute. She is also conscientious and I think is doing all the work at home. But I feel surely she should be going to college, she can’t miss weeks on weeks of lessons?! I feel when she chose the college miles away, she chose the harder option travel wise & should be committed to the travel…

AIBU?

It’s a long enough commute for a student. Is there any possibility of getting a room in halls or a house-share in the Uni town?

She needs to get on the replacement bus. What would happen if she had a job and the trains were playing up? I’d tell my son the same.

She’s not in uni - she’s in Y13.

Did she always go in when the train was running?
How many days does she need to attend usually?

If it is, for example, four, I would want her to go in two days - whichever days were best (or vary if more than one week).
Are others also missing or just her?
I agree that choosing a college further away comes with these problems and I would actually want her to go in as normal, but I would be prepared to consider a compromise.

How does she know all these things about the replacement bus if she hasnt gone in once during the current closure? What are the implications of her non-attendance from the college's PoV?

What is her suggestion?

She needs to go in. It's not ideal but it is what it is.

The college is marking students as attending if they do the work set online. Some kids further down the trainline have no option of getting in at all as the rail replacement bus isn’t stopping at all stations. So they are understanding of kids not coming in. So her attendance isn’t impacted.

she knows about the bus as she has taken it before, and friends are taking it now - it took 2hrs 20 to get there this morning apparently.

Yes she always went in if the train was running. Even on the day when she had one lesson so travelled more than she was in college for!

Lots of college students live in halls.

This sounds like our local trainline, currently in its 3rd week of closures due to flooding. Our station is 45 mins from the city. YANBU - Your DD should be taking the replacement bus where possible. I know it isn't easy though, this week due to the main road closure, they have 1 smaller bus going through the villages and another bus going from the town to the city on the other main road/motorway with no stops.

My DD has a college bus pass, not a rail pass as I won't drive to the station every day when she can walk down the road and get the bus to college. Her commute is meant to be 1 hour 15 mins, but is often at least 1.5 hours.

She manages to work on the bus. The other day the bus was late , (the bus is often late), and she signed into a Teams lesson on the bus and worked until she got to college.

I think as long as she is doing the work she is fine. Such a long bus journey sounds dire.

If the college are happy and she's keeping up with course work, personally I would see it as the equivalent of WFH and not make a big deal out of it.

I would expect DD to be in her room studying quietly though and not socialising or gaming etc.

2 hours to get to college?
She should definitely work from home.

So that's 2h20 + travel both ends . I would be working at home if there was a reasonable option to do so (which it sounds like it is) as well. All very well saying she chose the longer travel option, but she didn't choose this journey.
Have the rail company given any indication as to when trains will be running again (I think it makes a different whether it is "sometime this week" or "several weeks time")

Is there any option for someone to take her in (perhaps parents could ferry a few student and take it in turns) or prioritise maybe going in one or two days a week only?

I was going to say YANBU and she should be getting the bus not jusg skipping lessons. However, you more recent update changed my mind. The college are aware of the bus issues and have given permission for students impacted to do the work online. Yes she could technically attend with the bus unlike the students further down the line but 2hrs there does seem horrific. Provided she is actually studying and doing all the work then let her “take advantage” of the easier weeks without commuting until the trains are back. It’s horrible weather so she’d likely benefit from not having to commute. Obviously if ther was anything specific she needed to go in for that wouldn’t be as easy to study alone at home she should go in those days.

Who usually does the 10 min drive to the station, if it's her driving can't she drive all the way? If you would normally give her a lift to the station I'd consider driving her to college. It's partly down to your choice of where to live that she doesn't have a good local college to go to, so I'd feel some responsibility for that.

I've had to take rail replacement buses sometimes and they've been awful, literally waited for ages then not able to board at all because they send one bus to cater for a full train load.

Having read your updates though, if the college are marking her as attending because she is doing the work, then she probably is better off doing it at home.

DD's tutors made it very clear to them that they could not ever authorise them to work at home, so I guess this is extraordinary circumstances so they are allowing it.

I think if she's working at home and covering the work set, then I wouldn't make her waste her time sitting on a bus for 2+ hours

I think it’s a fair enough solution for the short term. Is there any indication from whichever rail company operates that line how long it’s anticipated to be out of action? If we’re talking longer than a couple more weeks I’d be trying to liaise with the college to see if other local parents could get together to charter a private minibus or a ride share arrangement. I also went to a sixth form college outside my home city and the “college experience” was a significant part of the transition and learning environment. Teenagers stuck at home in their bedrooms without the interaction with other students or their teachers, or any opportunity to socialise is much less than ideal.

2h 20m to get in and potentially the same to get home again? Plus the drives?

I think you're entirely unreasonable to expect her to do that every day, when the college has made arrangements for students to do the work at home.

The college have said it’s fine, so it’s fine.

Exactly this!

Surely you didn't leave the entire decision to a 15yo when she opted to go to this 6th form?
And I assume that you considered the likelihood of the train not running at times as part of that decision?

To be travelling for what - 5hrs a day just for college is ridiculous. If she is a good student, keeping up with her work, and the college is providing that work, she surely has a better use for those 5 hours. Revision, sorting her notes, practice papers etc?

Any chance of staying where the college is occasionally? The odd night with a family or college friend, even a travelodge or youth hostel and she could have a couple of days in college.

@myfriendsellshouses yes that’s the line. DD gets on at the end of the line - it’s the express bus via the motorway that took more than 2 hours this morning for her friend! No idea how they managed to take that long?! weird that your DD’s tutor has said they can’t ever work remotely? Maybe it’s because DD holds a rail pass so they know her travel is disrupted, but the email from college says:

If you are able to take the coach, bus or make alternative arrangements to attend your lessons in person, please do so. However, we understand this may not always be possible. Your teachers will therefore do their best to provide a Teams link for you to join the lesson remotely or set you work to complete independently. Please keep checking your college email for updates from your teachers.

As we know you are affected by this ongoing disruption, you will receive a positive attendance mark if you attend your lesson virtually or email your completed work to your teachers. We’re sorry for the continued disruption to your in-person learning.

So she has chosen the harder option and references working on the train. She is clearly pretty self motivated. The college are happy for her to work from home. Has she given you any reason to not trust her judgement on this? Is she mucking about at home instead of doing college work? Has she been getting low grades over the last couple of years?

Honestly, unless she's given you reason to believe her judgment is not to be trusted, I'd let her manage this her way. Almost 5 hours of commute is a hell of a thing, it's not surprising she wants to avoid it