To think DD should get the rail replacement bus

[WrongKindOfWaterOnTheTrack]

DD goes to college in a city about 40 miles away from our home. Lots of kids from our area do as the college in town doesn’t have a great reputation. The city college also actively recruited, taking DD & the rest of her set to open days to talk about their Oxbridge scheme etc.

the commute is usually about 10 min drive to the station, and about 1h15 on the train. However the trainline is now in its 3rd week of closure due to flooding. This happened last year and actually also earlier this year, and sometimes DD has taken the replacement bus, but she hates it. She says she can’t get any work done, it takes much longer than the train does, & I think she finds the uncertainty stressful (it’s not clear always what times the buses will go or whether there will be space for everyone). She hasn’t gone into college once during this current closure.

It is true that the bus takes even longer than the usual commute would do, and I think she enjoys having time to fit in exercise etc without spending so much time on the commute. She is also conscientious and I think is doing all the work at home. But I feel surely she should be going to college, she can’t miss weeks on weeks of lessons?! I feel when she chose the college miles away, she chose the harder option travel wise & should be committed to the travel…

AIBU?

by this point in year 13 she has probably largely completed the courses. Exams start in the summer term.

if college are aware and are setting work online and she is doing it then I wouldn’t be encouraging her to go in. Many places do study leave from Easter anyway.

I have a young man in my care at the moment struggling with the same issue. He usually gets the train which is usually 45 mins into the city then a twenty minute walk to his college. We’ve had no train service for two weeks now due to flooding. The rail replacement bus takes 2 hours in rush hour. And that’s if it even turns up. College have been very understanding and he’s keeping on top of work via online lessons (he’s not the only one having problems). So instead of adding potentially four hours into his already long day we are keeping things as they are. He’d be leaving here at 6:50 am and not getting home till 6:30pm else. I doubt there’s many people who’d be happy with four hours of travel each day. I’d just jet your dd carry on as she is till this weather improves.

bloody English weather urgh

2hr 20 there and back on the bus plus transport each end ... thats 5 hours commuting time each day.

If they're offering the work online, she is motivated and doing it then I think its fine she stays at home.

If you're concerned can you drive her in some days to shorten the commute and work or do something there for the day?

Given the college are aware and have sorted online work I can’t see why you would push yourself too much
perhaps a compromise on one to two days a week to fit in the timetable to see people as it can be isolating but other than that if work and attendance aren’t affected why would you put yourself through that journey

I was thinking today about driving. She has driven herself once before but parking is expensive and limited - £15 a day, and can’t always find a space near college. At the moment the road is closed too so she would have to take a back roads diversion or go via the motorway, don’t love the idea of her driving on the motorway alone but I guess she has to do it sometime… I could drive her and work from a coffee shop or something except I have 2 younger kids so would need to sort out after school care for them as wouldn’t get back till about 5.30-6pm (last lesson finishes 4.30)

while I know some 6th form students live in halls, I don’t know of any at this college that do, or any structure for them to do so - I’ve often thought it would be brilliant if they had a boarding house at college. She’s usually out of the house 7am-7pm. DH and I were saying last night if only a few of us parents had clubbed together to rent a flat in the city for the kids to use as a crash pad! But she finishes in June. Airbnbs are about £200 a week which seems too much.

she isn’t gaming or socialising, she’s a hard worker & mostly using her extra time for a dog walk or to go for a swim. In some ways maybe that’s what’s bothering me about it, it feels a bit lockdown ish again, back in her room doing her work, no friends!

DD gets on at the end of the line - it’s the express bus via the motorway that took more than 2 hours this morning for her friend! No idea how they managed to take that long?!

Presumably many people that would usually commute by train are driving them selves, so more traffic on the motorway and within the town, so everything will be taking longer....

Someone, somewhere is being unreasonable expecting a student to do an 80 mile round trip on a daily basis.

@StarlightLady crap isn’t it? If you want to do A levels in MFL you have to do this commute, our town college doesn’t offer them (not that DD does MFL)

I think of she's doing her work it's fine. I avoid replacement buses and WFH fully when they are running. It does feel a bit like returning to lockdown but still way better than the painful commute.

Take her out on the motorway so she can feel confident driving on it. It's a good skill to have anyway and really not a big deal, it's more of a confidence thing than a skill. She'll then have the option to drive if she wants to.

It's hard thing to do as they grow up but sometimes we parents need to step back and realise they are better judged to decide things like this by themselves. You don't actually have any logical grounds for her to commute in just a feeling of it 'not being right'. Your daughter has some much stronger reasons for staying home.

I’ve been on replacement bus services where men have been really inappropriate towards me, stroking my hair and thighs etc I wouldn’t want to put my DDs in that position.

It does take longer because they have to stop at each train station along the way. Which they have to go off the normal route you would take if driving yourself. But 40 miles surely the journey isn't going to last hours unless she has to change.

The college are basically telling them to WFH. I don't see why she can't just do that. Less will be in the lectures anyway, and travelling for five hours to get to a two hour class which may be half empty seems utterly ridiculous and exhausting.

An 80 mile round trip to FE college seems pretty crazy. But I guess it's a good college. But just let her wfh during the engineering works. That's permitted if not actively encouraged by them.

I don’t think it’s reasonable for a Y13 student to spend 5 hours a day commuting, no.

Let her make her own decision and stay home and work there if it’s more effective for her.

I don’t think 100% attendance is actually necessary for a conscientious and capable student. A lot of what’s done at school is essentially babysitting and fannying about.

Learning isn’t something that can only be achieved by sitting in a classroom.

I agree with this really, I'm not sure if you were wrong to encourage her to attend this college, whether she was wrong to want to go, whether the education system is at fault (although many of us do put up with mediocre colleges through lack of choice) but I will say that expecting an 18 year old to spend, what, 4 hours+ a day commuting is unreasonable and most simply wouldn't do it.

Five hours of commuting per day is insane. If she’s keeping up with the work at home I wouldn’t have an issue.

Yes, she needs to get the bus. It's part of adult life having to deal with changes and inconvenience. If it was paid employment she couldn't stop working for a few weeks just because the bus would take longer. I wouldn't have allowed my DC to take even one day off over this.

I’d be encouraging her to do the distance learning via BlackBoard, or whatever other platform is used these days. All of the info will be on there, her resources and reading will not have changed and she’s doing the work. I would not expect for one minute that she spend hours upon hours upon hours on some bus replacement service unless she had to get to an exam, and neither would her course tutors.

OP - it is great they they have authorised them due to the circumstances.

In Y1, DD had marking weeks, where the tutors had to mark their portfolis, so set them work to study but they did not have classroom access. The tutors were not allowed to authorise them to work at home, so they were expected to use the library or study rooms at the college. They had to attend each day to register first then, so they all went in, registered and then went home and emailed each lesson to say they were "in the library". The tutor knew they were doing it, but couldn't officially authorise it.

DD lost 4 hours of her day to go in register and come home again, arriving at 11.30 and then work from home all afternoon. It was mad. They should have been able to authorise them to work at home those weeks.

DD had to go to the city college as the town college didn't do her course. Hopefully things will improve for future students with the recent changes.

5 hours commute when she is able to WFH and have some extra free time?

Isn't that what most people who WFH for their jobs claim is the advantage?

But she can work from home, just like many jobs would also allow

I could drive her and work from a coffee shop or something

You WFH but you don't think it's reasonable she does?

No I work from an office but my boss is very flexible & would let me do this temporarily if needed!

I think I struggle to identify where the line is - if you can get in but it’s inefficient use of time to get in, is that reasonable to not go in?

Is there an alternative where you could drive to a different railway line? Have you explpred all the options. Rota with other parents and get them in twice a week for the social construct side?