To think DD should get the rail replacement bus

[WrongKindOfWaterOnTheTrack]

DD goes to college in a city about 40 miles away from our home. Lots of kids from our area do as the college in town doesn’t have a great reputation. The city college also actively recruited, taking DD & the rest of her set to open days to talk about their Oxbridge scheme etc.

the commute is usually about 10 min drive to the station, and about 1h15 on the train. However the trainline is now in its 3rd week of closure due to flooding. This happened last year and actually also earlier this year, and sometimes DD has taken the replacement bus, but she hates it. She says she can’t get any work done, it takes much longer than the train does, & I think she finds the uncertainty stressful (it’s not clear always what times the buses will go or whether there will be space for everyone). She hasn’t gone into college once during this current closure.

It is true that the bus takes even longer than the usual commute would do, and I think she enjoys having time to fit in exercise etc without spending so much time on the commute. She is also conscientious and I think is doing all the work at home. But I feel surely she should be going to college, she can’t miss weeks on weeks of lessons?! I feel when she chose the college miles away, she chose the harder option travel wise & should be committed to the travel…

AIBU?

Because the replacement bus goes to all the train stations on route, it takes ages and most of the time no one getting off and no one gets on at the station you diverted 30
Mins for

I really can’t see the issue with her working at
home.

But she doesn’t need to go. Her attendance is fine as she is submitting work

But that's essentially the same as what she's doing

She has been temporarily authorised to WFH so she is

You would be asking for it despite being able to go in because it suits you better, it's the same for her

A 5 hour commute on a stuffy bus (trains are much more comfortable than busses, you can move around etc) is not a productive nor good use of time

That's nearly 5 hours of travelling, no I don't think it is worth it if she can keep up with the work. I had a job that far away and found it exhausting to do ( I got another job in the end). The train will start running again, eventually.

At least read the thread first 🙄

What do you want her to go in for, though? I’m genuinely not clear. Her work is getting done, school’s fine with it and so is she. So, what’s the issue from your perspective?

That face to face teaching time is better than remote?

although she’s getting recordings of the classes or being in teams for them, so I guess there is some teaching going on, not just work set.

Try living in the bit of Cornwall with no trains. A friend's child, age 16, has a commute, ferry and bus journey of two hours every day. There is no other college that provides these courses.

If the work us being done and the college is happy with her attendance what do you see as the problem? If the bus takes much longer tha the train to do the journey, she is likelyto be missing some of the teaching if she travels on the bus, coupled with being unable to workout the bus. I think DD is being reasonable, which means that yabu, I'm afraid.

It all depends how inefficient a use of time it is. If it took about the same time then probably she should go in. But potentially double the commute time on an already long commute, when she’s able to study more efficiently from home and likely a lot less tiring for her, and presumably it won’t go on for ever? I think it’s reasonable to say two hours each way is impractical and so inefficient as to be actively harmful.

(I mean I’m sure she’d survive, but the extra length on her day when she’s already working hard in y13, is probably worse than the inefficiencies induced by remotely attending lessons. Quite a few of them are working remotely so the poor teachers have to make it work, it’s not just her asking for special privileges).

You could say that you expect her to put in some extra revision time to compensate for the learning likely not being quite as effective as f2f. I wouldn’t worry about the social side - it’s only a short time overall, though I’m sure it feels like far longer going through it.

Why is it better than remote?

It's a relatively small part of her overall time on the course though. A few weeks of disruption then its back to face to face. Think of this time within the context of the whole course, its only a few lessons out of hundreds that she will have had.

I do think face to face teaching is better than remote usually. But face to face teaching after having had a horrible 2hrs 20 bus commute probably isn’t better overall than remote teaching with no commute at all, especially when there are quite a few of them needing remote teaching so it should be well organised, and when it’s only for a limited time.

Also if she can't work on the bus like she does for the normal train commute, not only is her day getting ridiculously long with 5 hours commuting, she then has to start homework/studying when she gets in.

Having read more info I think i change my vote. She sounds sensible and motivated

rail replacement buses are very slow ime

What is your issue then? If she is doing the work and it’s not affecting attendance why are you at all bothered? Surely she can make her own choice here without any negative impact on her overall achievements.

I voted YABU because one of my DC started Uni in 2020 during Covid lockdowns. She did not attend a single lecture in person between September and January. They were all done remotely. Since Covid most Unis continue to offer remote access to students with accessibility issues- including flooding making a reasonable commute impossible. Going in person by a rail replacement bus will make it more likely your daughter will miss some of the lecture, and have to access it remotely anyway. Since she can’t work on the bus, her grades will suffer as your insistance is old fashioned by thinking that the only way to learn is to sit in a chair in a lecture hall with a pad of paper and a pen listening to a professor and copying notes from a black board.

Absolutely. Someone I manage works in Hastings and commutes into Westminster. 2hrs 15 door to door each way. So that's 4 and a half hours commuting a day. They do that 3 days a week.

When the trains aren't running or the lines are closed it's nearly 3 and a half hours on the bus, so naturally they WFH. It's not efficient for people to be spending hours on a bus which is a very different type of transportation to a train.

I'm pretty shocked anyone expects their child to spend over four hours on a bus a day - that is the last thing that's going to help them study. She must be exhausted.

Travelling 40 miles to 6th form is wild.

F2F isn’t always better.

If she is keeping up her studies, doing well and happy I would leave her to it. She's showing you she can use autonomy well.

If she's not socialising at all and thar concerns you, maybe raise that separately. Weekends could be used.

Also how long is the travel disruption set to last?

@WrongKindOfWaterOnTheTrack

Considering the circumstances, the college have recognised, are making allowances for the temporary difficulties students are facing and will not penalise wrt attendance, it seems highly unreasonable of you to insist she physically attends (given that you acknowledge your daughter is conscientious/hard working)

Alternatively, if she does, eventually, end up driving there, she may find a cheaper space near to college on someone's drive?

I wouldn't expect someone to spend 5 hours a day commuting when the work can be done from home and the college are happy with that compromise. What a huge waste of time it would be.