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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH & Stag Do

183 replies

AnotherAnonAgain · 09/02/2026 07:29

I’m going to start by saying I know IABU. Posted here more for traffic.

DH told me at the weekend that the stag do, the wedding he is best man at, will be abroad for 3 nights and 4 days. We have two children a two 1/2 year old and a 4 week old.

By the time the event arrives, toddler will be almost 3 and baby will be 6 months. We are a great team one of us will cook while the other play with the children and then we will do bedtime together.

I can’t be the first person in this situation I’ve read posts where people have DH in the army and I’m sure other mumsnetters DH have been away. Also there will be lots of single mums so I know I’m being silly getting all worked up about this. Can someone please calm my nerves and tell me how you juggled tea time and bedtime with two so young.

OP posts:
Ophy83 · 09/02/2026 18:46

It's hard to plan this far ahead because 6 months is so different to 4 weeks!

IYou can pop baby into some sort of contained space while you cook - MIL got mine a play pen which we didn't use much but did come in handy for the kitchen as you can chat to them while they play with their toys safely away from anything hot or sharp.

Eat supper all together - at 6 months the baby will be starting to have tasters of things like avocado.

They can bath together, then story time. Baby can hold their own bottle during the story or give it to them afterwards.

Don't feel guilty if you need to use the TV for the toddler every now and again - Postman Pat and Curious George did a fair bit of babysitting DS when DD was a baby if DH was away

ChimpOnMyShoulder · 09/02/2026 18:53

Ophy83 · 09/02/2026 18:46

It's hard to plan this far ahead because 6 months is so different to 4 weeks!

IYou can pop baby into some sort of contained space while you cook - MIL got mine a play pen which we didn't use much but did come in handy for the kitchen as you can chat to them while they play with their toys safely away from anything hot or sharp.

Eat supper all together - at 6 months the baby will be starting to have tasters of things like avocado.

They can bath together, then story time. Baby can hold their own bottle during the story or give it to them afterwards.

Don't feel guilty if you need to use the TV for the toddler every now and again - Postman Pat and Curious George did a fair bit of babysitting DS when DD was a baby if DH was away

If you don’t have a play pen I used my travel cot for this on occasion. It was a great place to be able to keep the babies safe for a few minutes while I did whatever I needed to.

GreyCarpet · 09/02/2026 19:35

user1492757084 · 09/02/2026 14:32

Have someone come and stay with you for some of that time, Op.
And insist that DH looks after himself. Grown men on trips really get up to dangerous things, particulaly if there is alcohol, tiredness and stupidity. You want him to come home uninjured.

😅😅😅😅😅

FFS!

😅😅😅😅😅

Insist he looks after himself? Give me strength.

stomachamelon · 09/02/2026 21:30

The infantilising of men in general on here is nuts. @AnotherAnonAgainhopefully by then you will have had a couple of mini dry runs with both and bending of rules eg bedtime with baby and toddler is completely fine!

It’s fear of the unknown. You both sound capable and happy that the other has a social life. Enjoy :)

IwishIcouldconfess · 09/02/2026 21:36

Freysimo · 09/02/2026 18:26

I do, and I think it's just as pathetic.

Show quote history

You sound fun.

Butterflywings84 · 09/02/2026 22:05

You don’t necessarily need to say you’re worried - just that you want to get organised to make sure things go as smoothly as possible and it’s great if he can help with that. Get as much prepped as you can and then just go with the flow. If things don’t go to schedule for a few nights it won’t be the end of the world. Also, 6 months in will feel very different to 4 weeks in and so you will have settled into the swing of things a bit more by then.

SALaw · 09/02/2026 22:22

AnotherAnonAgain · 09/02/2026 14:01

Thank you for all the replies.

I am still trying to get through them all.

I am absolutely not worried about DH cheating and drinking loads. Like myself, he works hard and deserves a break. He doesn’t drink and I trust him completely.

I know if I was to go away he would look after both kids.

I am now a mum to two and still figuring out how to make things work. Bedtime is the most daunting for me because one of us reads to the toddler and the other gives the baby his bottle. I was worried how I would do both. The comments about I shouldn’t have had two kids if I can’t cope and it’ll be easy did make me laugh as they offered no advice. I can’t imagine commenting on someone’s post about how easy something is without actually offering advice, when the person asking clearly can’t see how easy it is. How judgmental.

DH would definitely help me meal prep before he leaves. I don’t want to let him know I’m worrying though as I know if I was going away he’d tell me to enjoy myself and not worry about a thing. (Thinking about days out I have had or nights away when we only had one child) he’s a brilliant husband and dad and I want him to relax. PP mentioned booking something for me he already said if I need a spa break when he’s back he’ll pay for that and yes he would look after both.

We don’t have help from anyone. Both grandparents involved but neither will babysit.

Just give the bottle whilst reading the book? That’s surely not too challenging. Or if it is then give the bottle after the book or read the book after the bottle?! Neither of which will be traumatic to your children.

Xmasxrackers · 10/02/2026 14:36

Honestly, I loved it when OH went away for work! It just felt I could breathe a bit and just get on with things. So the washing doesn’t get done, or the house isn’t tidy for a few days. Just make the most of it, sofa cuddles, maybe have you toddler in with you at night? I slept so much better when OH was working too and I could star fish and go to bed as soon as the kids were in bed with a nice cup of tea and a few biscuits.

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