DH & Stag Do

[AnotherAnonAgain]

I’m going to start by saying I know IABU. Posted here more for traffic.

DH told me at the weekend that the stag do, the wedding he is best man at, will be abroad for 3 nights and 4 days. We have two children a two 1/2 year old and a 4 week old.

By the time the event arrives, toddler will be almost 3 and baby will be 6 months. We are a great team one of us will cook while the other play with the children and then we will do bedtime together.

I can’t be the first person in this situation I’ve read posts where people have DH in the army and I’m sure other mumsnetters DH have been away. Also there will be lots of single mums so I know I’m being silly getting all worked up about this. Can someone please calm my nerves and tell me how you juggled tea time and bedtime with two so young.

Of course you will manage!

So you do tea time. You feed baby, toddler can feed feed him/herself. All play together. Bathtime together. Read a book at bedtime together. I don't see what the issue is. I've done plenty of this on my own with 2 kids. And absolutely no other help! It never crossed my mind that there would be an issue or I wouldn't be capable

My advice is prep and lower your standards. What ever you need to get through the days. Dont worry too much about things that aren’t important. Nanny Mctv can be a useful ally in times like this! (Then once he is home book a night away yourself 🙊😂 )

Wow. Do you always make assumptions like that or is today a special occasion?

The percentages are very high ? Oh you have actual statistics 😂. Or did you do a family fortunes type survey? We asked 100 people….

Of course he should be able to take a long weekend, you might be overstretched with the children but you can take time away too.

Cheating is a different matter, not all cheat in a stag weekend, it’s the usual suspects who cheat, they cheat anywhere not just on a stag weekend.

So you're a controlling partner. That's the general view of the one husband of my friends who isn't happy with her coming away with us for a couple of nights (every 1-2 years) and it's how I'd see any wife who behaved the same. Everyone is capable of looking after their own children for a few days (how do you think us single parents cope?)

As long as it's reciprocal, and you both get time for a break sometimes, then it's not only fine but important to do.

Frame it as building up to it. Suggest he does a night at his friends next weekend.

And you do the same the weekend after. That way you might both come up with ways that work well and can share tips.

Then when he's back, you can feel confident taking a long weekend in a hotel to relax. It will help you get through knowing you can do it and have something to look forward to.

It’s just 2 kids, who will go to sleep as they normally do, for a couple of nights.

Why the fucking dramas? I need to come off MN 🤣 honestly

Exactly. How on earth would OP cope if he left her (for being controlling)? How do you think single parents do it OP? They survive!

If you think your husband is capable and will do all those things the minute he is allowed away from you with his friends, then why are you with him? I couldn’t be with someone I don’t trust.

Would you be saying the same if it was OP going on a hen do? The only person I personally know who cheated on a stag/hen do was in fact the bride. If you don't trust your partner on a weekend away then you shouldn't be in a relationship with them. And all parents Mum or Dad should be capable of solo parenting for a couple of days.

You’ll be fine. Tired, but fine. We have 3 kids. When our youngest was a baby, the older 2 were 3 and 6. I used to work full time and then work 4 nights a week in a pub. A couple of them was a late enough start for me to help with bedtime routine… in actual fact it ended up being me doing it all. So we used to batch cook baby meals (personal preference not to use jarred food but if on your own you definitely could do a couple of days of jarred food if baby is weaning by then) and the older kids had what we were having (if they’d been picked up by grandparents from school, they fed them for us which was a massive help). So I’d either get the slow cooker on before we left for work, or it would be something quick and easy to cook the moment we got home. I would then bath all 3 kids together (if the eldest wanted to bath by himself he could do afterwards but he liked playing with the toys with his brothers). The older boys would then get themselves into PJ’s whilst I got the baby dry and dressed. My husband would usually warm bottles of milk up once they were all out of the bath, but I could have done that myself. Once all ready, we’d all go into the nursery, I’d sit in the nursing chair with the baby giving him his bottle whilst the older 2 sat on the floor. I would read a story, or get the eldest to read something easy with help from me. The older 2 had their cups of milk too. Once the baby was fed, winded & sleepy, I’d pop him in the cot and say good night.

the older boys and I would go to middle sons room then where he would get into bed and his brother would sit on the bed with me and I’d read them their second story. I’d say good night and take the eldest to his bedroom where I’d get him settled for the night.

It’s definitely doable, it just probably won’t be the most fun you’ve ever had.

If she genuinely thinks her partner is going to cheat on this stag do, then "looking after very young children" is the least of her worries

Why? Do your arms not work?

How utterly stifling and tedious.

This is a non issue, stop over thinking and just get on with it! Get yourself a book on resilience from Amazon or the library.

I agree the hysteria on here is too much sometimes 😂

People are unnecessarily harsh…OP just had a baby, is right in the newborn trenches and yet to adapt to looking after two children, no need to be rude.

OP, you’ll be fine. Remember that by 6 months, it all gets much easier. I found it is the sweet spot where baby isn’t that demanding anymore, sleeps better, but still can be put in a sling if you need to get on with things. Prepping meals might be a good idea.

I went on various for work when the kids were young and god forbid when for a weekend hen do. My Husband went away to. There is no need for parents to shrink their life circles completely because they have young children.

Of course you will be fine.

It’s not so much the OP as the enablers telling her to handcuff her husband to the radiator

Missing the point a bit but honestly a three night stag do? Back in my day it was a few drinks with friends a week prior to wedding. Really, why get married if you feel you have to have a last gasp binge?

I sympathise OP, men are such children at times.

What’s childish about wanting a holiday with your mates?

I know I shouldn't, but every time I see that type of post saying 'OVER MY DEAD BODY WOULD MY HUSBAND BE GOING ON A STAG DO', I think 'Right, see you in a few years for your 'My husband is leaving me for being an overbearing suspicious controlling PITA - can you all agree with me that he's a bastard' post'.

It's a long weekend. It's not ideal and won't be wall-to-wall fun but neither is it the twelve labours of Hercules. You'll manage, and be sure to get something booked in for yourself when you feel ready.

Substantial help?? WTAF? 🙈😆

My views on stag dos are long standing.
And they are not assumptions.
It just seems to be that many women have been brainwashed into accepting these as normal behaviour and seem willing to turn a blind eye to what the men are sniggering about at the wedding ceremonies behind the bride and the other women's backs.