DH & Stag Do

[AnotherAnonAgain]

I’m going to start by saying I know IABU. Posted here more for traffic.

DH told me at the weekend that the stag do, the wedding he is best man at, will be abroad for 3 nights and 4 days. We have two children a two 1/2 year old and a 4 week old.

By the time the event arrives, toddler will be almost 3 and baby will be 6 months. We are a great team one of us will cook while the other play with the children and then we will do bedtime together.

I can’t be the first person in this situation I’ve read posts where people have DH in the army and I’m sure other mumsnetters DH have been away. Also there will be lots of single mums so I know I’m being silly getting all worked up about this. Can someone please calm my nerves and tell me how you juggled tea time and bedtime with two so young.

I totally understand you feeling apprehensive about doing bedtime with 2 little ones if you haven't done it before. Luckily it's something you can both practice before he goes away. I would either give baby the bottle a bit earlier or let toddler go down a bit later when you've finished giving baby the bottle. It's a bit of a juggling act with 2 but you will manage and it doesn't matter if it all takes a bit longer for 3 days.

Just because you are a parent you are allowed a life as well.

imagine being a best man or moh and not being allowed to celebrate with your best friend just because you are a parent. What a miserable life.

I do honestly think a lot of people who say they would never allow this may not have many friends themselves and simply cannot relate to being in that sort of position.

Are they the only two family members you have? No one (who is fully fit and well) needs substantial help to look after their own kids for 4 days. A bit of help if you feel you need it. OPs DH doesn’t sound selfish, people still have lives when they become parents

Have someone come and stay with you for some of that time, Op.
And insist that DH looks after himself. Grown men on trips really get up to dangerous things, particulaly if there is alcohol, tiredness and stupidity. You want him to come home uninjured.

oh I’m sure that will be fine

Why not DF or FIL

Pragmatically - you just read 'while' giving the other one a bottle. We would often split bedtime but there were plenty of times only one person was home so you just do things at the same time. Or if you need time to settle the baby, just give a treat of 15 mins of octonauts on a tablet in your bed or whatever your toddler is into.

This is really good advice. I had 3 under 5 at one point and husband was out 2 or 3 nights a week until 10pm.

It's only 3 nights. You will be fine 😊. The thought of it is often worse. You don't need to bath every night while he is away. I found bath time the hardest and didn't do baths on the nights he was out. I did them on the 4 other nights. That might help. Good luck OP.

Careful, some of these women might need smelling salts after reading that.

I cannot actually believe women / wives / mothers are reacting so strongly to this and find it incredibly sad that they can’t or won’t let their partners have a weekend away. Ridiculous, grow up.

Oh and OP you’ll be fine - as others have said make it easy by prepping some meals if you need to, invite your mates round for a glass of wine, and power through. It’s 3 nights not an Antarctic expedition, you’ve got this!

It's 4 days, you'll be absolutely fine. Think of all of the completely capable single parents out there. My husband was a shift worker so there were plenty of times I'd have to man the chaos solo and it's fine. If it helps you to have a bit of structure and joy during that weekend, plan in a meet up with family or friends - like a park or a national trust mooch or just a playdate and a cuppa, a trip to the library, a daily dog walk. Nothing wild, just something where you all get some fresh air, feel like you've done something and then have a lowkey evening treat once they're in bed, like a film your husband would hate but you love! Or get a bestie to come for a sleepover.

If he's the one who's really helpful at breakfast time (my husband started work at the crack of dawn so that's always been me making it happen), you can lay the table the night before so you only need to get the food out.

The joy of never being one of these "you're not allowed to go on a stag do" people is that my husband's also never been one of those "you're not allowed to go on a hen do" people. Get planning your own weekend away - doesn't need to be wedding related! Just friends, could be a birthday thing or a just because thing.

It was tricky when mine were 6 months as I was breastfeeding but I went on 1 night hens when they were both that age. I've been away for longer stretches over the years. I like that we live in a family where mum, dad, and now any of the teen kids, can go away and have a fun time with friends and come back with new funny stories and memories made.

You do realise that women go on abroad hen dos also? It isn’t just men 😂😂😂

You'll be absolutely fine.
I don't know what it is about stag and hen dos that just give me the massive ick! When they start becoming weekend or 3 or 4 night events?? Some are practically holidays! Ridiculous.

I hope you manage to get a weekend away with friends in the future to even things out a bit.

And what’s wrong with having the occasional mini holiday with your mates, without partners and kids hanging off you?

I had twins and bought a very cheap quite small stroller and popped one twin in that in the bathroom while I bathed the other. For bottle feds I would sit crossed legged on the floor and put a baby in the crook of each bent leg and held bottles in each hand. I'm sure your older child would be delighted to help you.
Meal prep and freeza batch cooked meals.

What’s wrong with a mini holiday? My husband is on one now, not a stag do but a few days away with friends. In June it’s my turn and I’ll have a 4 day break with my friends. We’ll then have a family holiday in the summer and weekends away for all of us.

If you can start introducing audio books at bed time, they're a game changer for doing a double bedtime routine solo.

It takes a while for kids to adapt to them I found - I had to try different ways before my DC accepted the yoto! Picking out cards / letting them control it helped, before putting in guard rails that we don't touch the yoto while it's playing.

Quite. My husband was rarely home for bedtime after the first few weeks.

Dealing single-handed with a nearly 3 year old and a 6 month for 3 nights really isn’t difficult (assuming no special needs).

Absolutely nothing whatsoever!

What I don't get is why stag and hen dos have gotten so damn long that are practically holidays now. Might as well just call it that 🤷

A long time ago, in answer to your question

Why on earth would she need someone to come & stay with her? And insisting isn't going to get very far. She's not his mother. Sounds like they have a very strong, trusting relationship & he's unlikely to do anything stupid

Dear oh dear oh dear

Talk about dramatic

Are you always this ridiculous?

No doubt the baby will be eating by then so quicker to just make the same meal for both of them or even all 3 of them

My partner used to work late shifts. I remember reading Maisy bedtime stories to the toddler, with the baby howling away so loudly that she almost drowned me out! But we survived and everyone got to bed eventually. (She was younger than yours will be, OP, so don't worry)

I do, and I think it's just as pathetic.